DEAR ABBY: One of my friends, "Max," cheats at golf. Otherwise he's witty, interesting and fun to be around. He moves his ball closer to the hole on the green and "improves" his lie when he thinks no one is looking. I have tried to overlook Max's transgressions, but others in our golf group talk and joke behind his back. How should I go about stopping the problem without stressing our friendship? -- FLORIDA GOLFER

DEAR GOLFER: What you have described is considered a terrible breach of golf etiquette. What it shows about Max is a serious lack of ethics. Because you feel close to him, take him aside and tell him privately as a friend that it's time to knock off the cheating because the others are onto him, and he's making himself a laughingstock.

DEAR ABBY: I have been part of a book club for almost 20 years. We began as a group of six teachers who wanted to share our friendship and love of reading. Over the years, members have come and gone, but five of the original group remains. We're now a group of nine.

Our dilemma is that many of the women don't bother to read the monthly selection but still attend the meetings. Granted, the meetings are very social. Everyone brings food to enjoy while we discuss books and anything else going on in our lives. However, the core group finds it annoying when some members don't even attempt to read. It happens month after month.

We have said on many occasions we expect everyone to read. Our discussions are livelier and more interesting when everyone shares her thoughts, but some don't make the effort or threaten to drop out of the book club.

We don't want anyone to drop out. We are all friends. Are we expecting too much because as teachers we regard it as a "homework assignment" not being completed? What can we do? I'd like your opinion so I can share it at the book club. -- PENNSVILLE, N.J., READER

DEAR READER: If certain members of your book club are no longer doing the required reading and regard the gatherings as social affairs, why not make some of the meetings -- say, every other month -- devoted solely to discussing the book you are reading, while the rest will be strictly social? There will be less disappointment for the readers, and you can still meet as friends without anyone being inconvenienced.

DEAR ABBY: I have a good friend, "Renee," who is Canadian and a permanent resident of the United States. We don't always agree on things, but one thing really bugs me about her. She's always saying how "nice" Canadians are and how rude Americans are.

On a recent trip we took to Canada, she commented about a cashier who was nice to us by saying, "That cashier wouldn't have been so nice if we were in America." When I try to point out evidence to the contrary, Renee shrugs it off and calls it an exception to the rule.

How should I politely ask her to knock off bashing Americans? -- LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT

DEAR LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT: Do it by "politely" pointing out to Renee that it is rude to make comments that make others uncomfortable, and if Canadians are as "nice" as she says they are -- and that includes her -- she'll quit putting down Americans because you find it offensive.

DEAR ABBY: My niece, "Amy," got her driver's license last November. Since then she has been stopped six times for violations. Unfortunately, she wasn't ticketed for any of them -- just given warnings. Who knows how many other times she should have been ticketed?

When Amy told me about it, she acted like it was a joke and something she was proud of. Her parents are divorced and her father spoils her beyond reason. He gives her whatever she wants, including buying her a new car. Her mother has little control over her.

My niece doesn't seem to understand the possible consequences or what serious damage a car can do to her or to someone else. How should I handle this? I have no contact with her father. Any ideas? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR CONCERNED AUNT: Although Amy was old enough to get her license, she is not yet mature enough to handle the responsibility that goes along with driving. For her sake I hope you will impress upon her mother that lives could depend upon her exerting control over her daughter.

Many states restrict conditions under which a teen may drive a car. In addition, many parents draft a driving contract that stipulates things like what kind of grade-point average their teenager must maintain to keep his or her driving privileges, limiting the number of passengers he or she can transport and certain distance limits.

Other restrictions can be added at the parents' option. A version of the following contract has appeared in my column before:

I ( ), agree to the stipulations stated below granting me the privilege of driving. If, at any time, I violate this agreement, my driving privileges will be forfeited.

(1) Should I get a traffic ticket, I agree to pay for the ticket, as well as the difference in the insurance premium for as long as the premium is in effect.

(2) I agree to pay for damages that I incur that are not covered by insurance.

(3) At no time will I ever text or use a cellphone while driving.

(4) At no time will I ever drink alcoholic beverages and drive, nor will there ever be any in my car.

(5) I will not drive the car until I and all passengers have buckled up.

(6) I will keep the car I drive clean, inside and out, be aware of its need for gas, oil, etc., and wax it as needed.

I have read the above agreement and will sign it in accordance with the rules.

SIGNED: (CHILD)

I hope you will share this information with Amy's mother, because in careless hands a car can be as dangerous as a loaded gun. It is not a toy, even though your niece appears to be treating it like one.

DEAR ABBY: My 60-year-old sister is being married for the third time. She's planning to wear a long, white wedding gown and will be having a maid of honor, bridesmaids, a rehearsal dinner and reception. We are encouraging her to have a small, quiet ceremony with only family and close friends. Who is correct? -- REALISTIC SISTER, PORT ORANGE, FLA.

DEAR SISTER: According to the etiquette books, you are. However, the rules regarding brides and weddings have become so pliable that couples pretty much do as they please these days. Whatever your sister decides, just hope she and her groom will have a healthy, happy, lasting union because in the end that is what's important.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you will print this on Mother's Day. This Mother's Day greeting is for all those incredibly unselfish mothers who chose to place their child up for adoption. I am an adopted child whose life has been a wonderful journey.

If I could send a message to my birth mother, it would be one of eternal gratitude for allowing someone else to give me the life she was unable to provide. My adoptive parents love me and instilled a value system and belief in God that have carried me through every challenge life has sent my way. I never felt abandoned, but knew that I was chosen by people who were unable to have children.

There is no love like a mother's love. That is why I want to tell all those mothers out there who gave their children to another parent to love and nurture that their sacrifice and heartache became a miracle for so many of us. God bless all of you on this Mother's Day. -- THANKFUL DAUGHTER

DEAR THANKFUL DAUGHTER: I'm pleased to print your Mother's Day greeting, and I hope it will bring comfort and reassurance to any woman out there for whom today is a reminder of a painful sacrifice.

I would also like to wish a happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere, be they birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, or stepmothers. I applaud you all.

DEAR ABBY: As graduation time approaches, I begin to shudder. Graduation ceremonies have become more like rock concerts than a time to acknowledge student achievements. Families, friends and graduates behave horribly, making it impossible to watch or listen to the proceedings. As both a parent and an educator, may I please offer some graduation etiquette advice?

1. Do not yell, blow horns or leap into the air as your special graduate crosses the stage. It's rude, immature, inappropriate and prevents those around you from hearing the names being called and seeing the next graduates. The noisemaking instruments hurt sensitive ears, so leave them at home. Your special person knows you are there and proud of him or her.

2. Honor all of the graduates. Each one deserves the same audience as the first to cross the stage. Do not disrupt by leaving after your grad has had his/her moment. Stay seated until all of them have received recognition.

3. Small children do not belong at graduations. They get bored, cry, run around, etc., and I don't blame them. Hire a sitter and let them stay home.

4. The presenters have worked hard to prepare for the ceremony. Listen to them and behave like the mature, thoughtful adults you expect the graduates to become.

5. Have the wild party after the formal ceremony.

-- FRUSTRATED IN COLUMBUS, GA.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree that there are certain rules of conduct that should be followed on important occasions -- and a graduation ceremony is one of them. I'm printing your very basic rules of behavior in the hope that they will serve as a reminder to those who have forgotten their manners or never learned them in the first place.