DEAR ABBY: I am in a relationship with someone I graduated from school with, so we have known each other for a number of years. We are both divorced. Because I'm an only child, my mother has always been protective and controlling. She hasn't recovered from my divorce, although it happened more than 10 years ago, and constantly finds fault with my current relationship.

She argues with me almost weekly that I should get married because it "looks bad for her" that I live with this man, and "in the sight of God this isn't right." One minute she doesn't want me in a relationship, the next she's telling me I need to be married. I respect her beliefs, but don't think we should get married just because she wants us to.

I was married long enough to realize that a piece of paper doesn't make it right, so why force the issue? I love my mother, but her nagging is making it extremely difficult not only for me but for my relationship. How do I handle this? -- STRESSED-OUT ONLY CHILD

DEAR STRESSED OUT: You may be an only child, but you are a child no longer. You are entitled to live your life the way you wish.

While there are legal protections for a wife that a live-in does not enjoy, if you prefer not to formalize your relationship, you should not be pressured into it. The next time your mother starts in, tell her firmly you will not argue the point and change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother of three kids, ages 10, 8 and 7. Their father and I have been divorced for two years. He moved 300 miles away and sees the kids mainly in the summer and on holidays. He has remarried, and she has children as well.

My problem is my kids feel he treats her children better than he treats them. I try hard not to badmouth him, but from what they tell me it's a one-way street. He has told our kids that he loves them more than I do, and that he wishes he didn't have to pay child support. It hurts me to see them hurt.

What can I do? We don't have a good relationship. He refuses to listen to anything I say. I don't want the kids to hate their father, but unless he changes, they will. They have already asked me if they can talk to the judge to get their visits made fewer and shorter. -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: You cannot control the behavior of another adult, much as you might wish to. Your children are intelligent and they have already gotten the picture. Unfortunately, they are still too young to be able to convince a judge to shorten their visits or spend time with their dad less often. But as they enter their early teens they will be. Help them to be patient and ride it out in the meantime, because they have no other option.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is demanding to know why I won't accept her friend request on Facebook. Personally, I don't consider her a friend and prefer not to allow her access to my Facebook page. How can I politely and honestly answer her questioning? -- PREFER TO DECLINE

DEAR DECLINE: Because she is forcing the issue, be forthright and answer her question by telling her that while she may be your sister-in-law, you do not feel personally close enough to her to be comfortable having her review your activities and thoughts on a daily basis.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in sixth grade, my 19-year-old brother, "Ray," came into my room and fondled me late at night. I pretended to be asleep so I didn't have to deal with the situation. I told my mom afterward. She told me not to tell my father and bought a lock for my door.

Years later, when my sister found out what happened to me, she told me Ray had also done it to her. She told Dad and confronted Mom. Neither one ever said anything to Ray. They told us it was "in the past" and to leave it alone.

Because my sister is openly confrontational about it, she isn't invited to family events that he is attending. I am invited because I just ignore him, but it's uncomfortable knowing my parents took his side over that of their two daughters. I won't let my daughter be alone with him -- or with him and my mom, because I don't trust her anymore.

Should I tell my parents I don't want to hear about my brother and no longer want to be around him? -- WRONGED IN GEORGIA

DEAR WRONGED: Yes, if it will make you feel better, by all means do. That your parents would ignore your brother's predatory behavior is appalling. By protecting him, your mother betrayed you and your sister.

You are also wise to be vigilant if he is anywhere around your daughter and to restrict contact with him to a minimum. No child is safe around your brother.

If you and your sister haven't had counseling to come to terms with what happened to you, please consider contacting the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). The website is www.rainn.org, and the toll-free number is 800-656-4673. Nothing you say to the counselors will shock them, and they will be glad to refer you to someone qualified to help you.

DEAR ABBY: I think my in-laws want my husband to divorce me because I have Asperger's syndrome and bipolar disorder. Sometimes I innocently say things that other family members take offense to. My mother-in-law then calls my husband, tells him what a "nut" I am and how upset "so-and-so" got. This results in huge fights between my husband and me, and it's hurting our marriage.

I have offered to educate my in-laws about bipolar and Asperger's, but they say I'm just making excuses for my behavior. I would like to explain to them that my thought processes aren't the same as everyone else's, so I am going to make mistakes in what I say to people.

I am hurt by their judgment and lack of tolerance. I don't do "bad" things often -- maybe once or twice a year. But instead of overlooking it, they make a big deal out of it because I'm different. They should focus on the good. I do a lot of charity work and would help anyone in need. Their lack of understanding is ruining my marriage. I'm 25 and we have been married for five years. I don't want to throw that away. What do I do? -- AM HOW I AM IN ALABAMA

DEAR "HOW YOU ARE": That your marriage has lasted through five years of your mother-in-law's attempts to undercut it tells me the bond between you and your husband must be a strong one. Does he understand how Asperger's and bipolar disorder affect the brain? If not, then the doctor who prescribes your medication should explain it to him so he can explain to his parents that what they are complaining about is not your fault. And if they don't "get it," a behavioral specialist should explain to them that they should be more patient and understanding with a member of their family.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's son -- I'll call him Duncan -- came to visit with his family. He lived with us for about six months on and off when he was younger. During that time, he twice went through my dresser drawers without my permission. The first time, we discovered a photo of me in a negligee he had found and hidden. The second time, he said he had been looking for a key. I was furious and felt violated.

During his recent visit, it happened a third time. I discovered my underwear drawer was slightly ajar and knew Duncan had used the bathroom in our bedroom. When I told my husband, he asked me not to let it ruin the rest of their visit. I felt violated again!

After Duncan and his family left, I asked my husband if this upset him, too, and his reply was that he was upset that I let it bother me. I understand that Duncan is his only son, but I'm hurt that he's taking Duncan's side. Help! -- NERVOUS IN NEVADA

DEAR NERVOUS: It does appear that Duncan has an unhealthy fixation on your underwear drawer, or he may be a cross-dresser. Because your husband refuses to discuss this with his son, the next time Duncan announces that he's coming for a visit, offer to buy him lingerie in his size, or install a sturdy lock on your bedroom door.

DEAR ABBY: I have been having an affair with "Ginger" for several years. She's married and has three kids. Ginger told me she and her husband had stopped being intimate just before we started our relationship.

Her husband caught on about a year ago. By this time Ginger and I had developed deep feelings for each other, but we agreed to stop because he had given her an ultimatum -- either break it off or get out. We stopped seeing each other for a few weeks, then she called saying she had been pregnant but had gotten an abortion, and we started up again.

This time we had to carefully plan our limited time together. We continued our relationship for another eight months before it finally ended. What I'm having a problem with is Ginger ended it with no phone call -- nothing. I haven't heard from her in more than a month, and she won't return my calls or texts. Don't you think I deserved a better goodbye? -- SITTING BY THE PHONE IN OHIO

DEAR SITTING BY THE PHONE: Not really. While closure might have made this less frustrating for you, Ginger tried to say goodbye to you before and it didn't work. What probably happened is her husband found out the affair was ongoing and is monitoring her closely. You'll feel better once you accept that Ginger has chosen him and the kids and moved on.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I like to entertain in our home, and sometimes we offer self-service mixed nuts. What do you think of a guest who hovers over the bowl and picks out all the pecans and macadamias, leaving behind the peanuts and the almonds? Is she being rude? -- TOM R. IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TOM R.: Sure it's rude. It's also greedy and inconsiderate of the other guests who also may be partial to pecans and macadamias. However, because you know that this person has a weakness for two particular kinds of nuts, why not offer her a small bowl of her own containing only the nuts of her choice? When you do, smile and say "... nuts to you."