ON DRIVE-THROUGH DECORUM

DEAR ABBY: May I comment on the letter from "Working the Window in Georgia" (Jan. 22), the drive-through worker who said people should have their orders ready when they pull up to the speaker? Many drive-through restaurants place their speakers in FRONT of the first menu you see. Unless you frequent the restaurant, it's impossible to know what you want until you reach the menu. Also, if "Corporate" is timing its employees, then maybe they should dispense with having the employees greet customers with a long list of item suggestions before taking the order. Those of us at the other end of the speaker often cannot understand a word being said, either because the speaker isn't working properly, because the order-taker has a thick accent, or the person is speaking too fast. -- PEGGY IN THORNTON, COLORADO

DEAR PEGGY: My readers agree with you 100 percent! Their biggest "beef" is the order menu being located only at the order window/speaker. Fast food corporate America, please take notice. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: How are we supposed to have any idea of what to order when we don't see the menu until we pull up to the window? This is especially true when I try a new restaurant. If restaurants post anything before that, it is usually just a list of their most expensive combo meals. Sometimes the prices aren't even listed at the preview menu window.

Here are some suggestions for people working the windows:

1. I may not know your menu. So please give me a chance to look it over. If you have a drive-through, I have a right to use it. If you don't want new customers to know what you offer, then I'll be happy to take my business elsewhere.

2. I know you are reading from a script, but if I don't want a combo meal, please do not ask me repeatedly if I want one.

3. Give me a chance to check my order when you hand it to me. I am really tired of getting to my destination only to find out my order is wrong.

4. Do not argue with me if I want to verify that my drink is a diet drink. I am diabetic and a non-diet soda could make me very sick.

5. Please understand that even if I don't have the radio on and there is no background noise, I may still have trouble understanding you. Perhaps the speakers are bad or I am slightly hearing-impaired.

6. Please give me straw if I order a drink.

I have worked fast food before and I know from experience it is not an easy job. Yes, there are rude customers, but there are also rude employees. I know that from experience, too. -- LIBBY IN LITTLE ROCK, ARK.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I attended his nephew's out-of-state wedding. I shipped a beautiful, expensive set of porcelain dishes from a high-end designer store. The nephew commented, "Those dishes don't go with anything we have." Should we request they be returned or ignore their lack of appreciation? -- APPALLED AUNT IN ARIZONA

DEAR APPALLED: Your nephew's comment was extremely rude. If he and his bride weren't registered, and their preference of a china pattern wasn't clearly stated, then you did the best you could under the circumstances and were generous. Rather than ask for the gift back (which would be equally rude), suggest he and his Mrs. go online and exchange the dishes for a pattern of their choice. Most high-end stores have websites that display their inventory.

DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old niece, "Nina," has no table manners. I was surprised at her inappropriate behavior because her parents are well-educated people who were raised with good table manners.

I didn't say anything when Nina slathered clotted cream on her scone with her fingers, but I was disgusted. I did suggest she use a spoon after she scooped rice out of a communal bowl with her hand. Both of these incidents happened in restaurants.

Is there anything I can do when I must eat with this child? I know it may have been wrong of me to correct Nina in front of her mother, but we were all eating from the same bowl. Should I ignore her ignorance of basic table manners and keep my mouth shut? -- LOST MY APPETITE IN HOUSTON

DEAR LOST YOUR APPETITE: By age 11, children should have mastered basic table manners. (Not eating with one's fingers is one of the basics.) Is your niece learning-disabled? If the answer is no, you should discuss this with your sibling. Nina is at an age when she needs to know what's expected of her when she's out in public.

DEAR ABBY: My son came out of the closet last year. My first reaction was to tell him it was OK. (I had already suspected that he was.) I love him dearly and we're a close family. His brothers and sisters also accept and love him.

My husband and I are now struggling because we're not sure how God really views gays and lesbians. To listen to some religious people, my son will go to hell. I can't believe that God would create a person to be this way, then turn His back on him.

I tried reading the Bible, but the wording was hard to understand. I don't want to talk to my pastor about it because, even though I have accepted my son for who he is, I still have trouble talking to people about it because I'm not sure how they'll react. Do you believe a gay person will go to heaven? -- SOMEWHERE IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR SOMEWHERE: I believe that entrance to heaven is based upon a person's character, not his or her sexual orientation. Today, because of modern scientific studies, we know more about homosexuality than was known when the Bible was written, and that sexual orientation is not a "choice."

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter keeps hinting that we should give her money for her in vitro fertilization. We have concerns based on many issues, but the bottom line is we're not sure if she can handle motherhood.

Our daughter's marriage is shaky, and she struggles with many of her relationships and commitments in life. She is basically disabled by anxiety. Not only do we believe we should stay out of this, but we also think they can afford the procedure themselves. We would be happy for them if they had a child, but we prefer to avoid the money connection. What do you think? -- UNDECIDED IN MISSOURI

DEAR UNDECIDED: If you give your daughter money, it would be better spent on counseling and medication to help her overcome her anxiety disorder. A baby will not fix a shaky marriage, and could very well complicate it. Because your daughter and her husband can afford to pay for it themselves, they should not be hitting you up to fund the endeavor.

DEAR ABBY: I have a beautiful wife, a dog and an 8-year-old son I love to watch sports with. My son loves sports, but he has trouble accepting a loss. He'll take out his disappointment by beating the dog.

My wife doesn't want to get rid of "Patches" because she has had him since college. I don't want to put my son through counseling because he said he'll hate me forever if I do. I'm afraid if the problem isn't controlled, my son's life goals may be affected. What can I do? -- GOOD DAD IN CLEVELAND

DEAR "GOOD DAD": Stop trying so hard to be your son's sports buddy, and try harder to be a parent. At his age, he should be able to handle disappointment and control his anger and aggression. Do not wait another day to get him the counseling he needs! Children who hurt animals often go on to hurt other children. Your son should be evaluated by a mental health professional ASAP. By getting him the help he needs, you could be saving not one but two lives -- his and Patches'.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I were discussing the subject of egg donation -- something we're both in favor of. I told her I have been considering donating my eggs because I don't plan to have children. Mom simply stared at me in shock.

Now when we talk, she casually brings up how she loves baby-sitting my young cousins and my niece. I have never particularly liked children. In fact, I prefer to live by myself. I know my mother has always wanted a lot of grandchildren, but being a wife and mother is not a goal of mine like it was hers. I almost feel guilty about my decision. How do I explain this without upsetting her further? -- CHILDLESS BY CHOICE

DEAR CHILDLESS: Whether to have children is a personal choice. It should not be dictated because a parent "wants lots of grandchildren." Children deserve to be wanted. And women who do not particularly want to be mothers usually make less-than-terrific ones. If your mother raises the subject, answer her honestly, but don't apologize for your feelings. And, when she mentions how much she enjoyed baby-sitting your cousins and niece, smile, nod and say, "That's nice!"

DEAR ABBY: My cousin "Linda" loves her cats. Last year one of them, "Wookie," got very sick and she had to take him to the animal hospital. She sent a mass text message to all our family members indicating she would be unable to afford Christmas gifts because she had to pay a couple of thousand dollars on Wookie's vet bills. She continues to send updates on his health and treatment.

Last week, I received an email from Linda about a website she has established soliciting donations to cover her cat's medical expenses. Every day since then I have received a text or email from her or her mother asking me to donate and to tell my friends as well.

I'm sorry Linda's cat is dying, but I don't feel comfortable soliciting friends to donate money for a cat who will not get better. Besides, they don't even know Linda or Wookie. How do I politely ask her to stop bombarding me with these requests? (I think what she's doing is a little tacky.) -- CAT GOT MY TONGUE

DEAR CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE: Don't ask. Your cousin is trying desperately to save the pet she loves, and it would hurt her already sensitive feelings. Send her a donation for Wookie, about the same amount you would spend on a Christmas gift for her. And when you see her request for soliciting your friends, hit "delete" and let it go.