DEAR ABBY: My father is turning 60 this year, and I want to make him a photo album with pictures from throughout his life. However, Dad is widowed and remarried, so I'm having a hard time deciding what to do with respect to my mother. They were married 25 years before she died, and they loved each other very much. They raised two children together, and she was an important part of his life.

At the same time, I have a feeling that including pictures of Mom may upset my stepmother. While I am not close with her, I don't want to intentionally hurt her feelings. What should I do? -- LAURA IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR LAURA: You're asking an intelligent question and I commend you for your sensitivity. If the photo album is intended to be a surprise for your father, consider talking to your stepmother about the idea. It will give you an indication of how such a gift would be perceived by her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 24 and love my parents. Mom confided to me that she has been seeing a high school flame behind my father's back. She claims she loves this man and said she has slept with him, but she doesn't want to leave the security my father provides for her. She swore me to secrecy about her affair.

Meanwhile, my father has started talking to me about their marital problems. He doesn't understand why Mother isn't happy. I feel like I should tell him, but that would betray my mother. At the same time, not telling him what I know is betraying him. What should I do? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: Your parents should not be confiding their marital difficulties to you. They should attempt to resolve them by communicating with each other -- preferably with the help of a licensed marriage counselor. That your mother would turn you into a co-conspirator in her affair is despicable. Give her a deadline to level with your father or tell her that you will. He deserves to know the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I have fallen in love with a very special woman. She happens to be my daughter-in-law's mother. We are very happy together, but our children are extremely upset about this. My son and her daughter no longer speak to us at this point.

I feel it's my life and I shouldn't live it for the kids, nor would I want them to live their lives for me. Is it wrong for me to be with her, or are the kids overreacting? -- IN LOVE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR IN LOVE: The "kids" are overreacting, and they shouldn't be trying to blackmail the two of you into doing what they prefer. It is your life, and just as you wish your son and daughter-in-law every happiness, they should be doing the same for you. This situation is not as unusual as they think, and they should not be judging or punishing you, because you are doing nothing wrong.

DEAR ABBY: I married "Darrel" six months ago. It bothers me that he wears a silver bracelet from a relationship that ended five years ago. He claims that if I were to wear a piece of jewelry from my first marriage, it wouldn't bother him as it is "just jewelry." How do you feel about this? -- BOTHERED IN DAYTONA BEACH

DEAR BOTHERED: What I feel about this is not important; it's how you feel. If your husband's wearing the bracelet is a constant, irritating reminder that he was involved with someone else, he should remove it because it isn't "just jewelry" to you. And your feelings should be more important to him than the bracelet, don't cha think?

DEAR ABBY: Two weeks ago I got a memorial tattoo done for my beloved grandma. It's on my arm and says "in loving memory" at the top. Gram's portrait is underneath, and a beautiful poem my grandpa wrote for her is under the portrait. The tattoo artist did a phenomenal job! It looks just like her and I was thrilled with the results.

The problem is, I posted a picture on Facebook of the tattoo, and out of the blue a distant cousin sent me a message telling me that the tattoo was "selfish and attention-seeking behavior"! He said he was hurt in more ways than one because of it.

Abby, I don't understand. I love this tattoo. I wanted to honor the woman who meant so much to me. Did I honor her the wrong way like he says? Was I selfish? I'm so hurt, I guess I'm just looking for some input into this. My friends and family say he's jealous and not to give it another thought, but I'm obsessing. Please help. -- HONORING GRANDMA

DEAR HONORING GRANDMA: Please accept my sympathy for your obviously heartfelt loss. Your family and friends are correct that your cousin's comments are out of line. You are not responsible for your cousin's feelings, so stop obsessing. Whatever has hurt him "in more ways than one" is not your tattoo, or anything you posted on Facebook.

You say he is distant. Keep it that way and concentrate on something positive like the fact that you have honored your grandmother's memory. Then go on and build a happy and constructive life. I'm sure that is what she would want you to do.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbors' teenage sons ask to borrow our lawn mower and other yard tools so they can make money cutting the grass for other neighbors. What do we do? -- LOVE THY NEIGHBOR

DEAR NEIGHBOR: How responsible are the boys? If they can be trusted with your lawn mower and other yard tools and you're kind-hearted, allow them to use the items with the understanding that they will be returned to you in the same condition in which they were borrowed. Then have them cut your lawn as a way of showing their appreciation.

DEAR ABBY: My co-worker "Oscar" is a grouchy, bitter man. His cubicle is close to mine, so I can hear everything he says. He constantly talks about other employees and even about the owners of the company.

Oscar's general bitterness and poor attitude constantly bring me down. I have tried tuning him out, unsuccessfully. I don't like being subjected to this daily, but I don't know what I can do about it. Please help. -- NEEDS POSITIVITY IN LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR NEEDS POSITIVITY: The first thing you should do is tell Oscar that you can hear every word he's saying because he may not know that he's being overheard. Tell him his conversations are distracting and ask him to stop. If he does not comply, complain to a supervisor. And if your complaint is not acted upon, bring headphones, if it's allowed, so you won't be subjected to the daily dose of negativity.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are 50-year-old professionals who have paid every penny of the cost for our two daughters' four-year college educations. Our oldest, "Lana," went on to law school and has incurred well in excess of $100,000 in law school loan debt. She has struggled to find a job as an attorney, and I'm no longer sure she still wants to practice law. Lana is married to a medical student who also has significant student loan debt.

Two nights ago I made the mistake of telling Lana that her mother and I would help her pay off her student loans. I regret having opened my mouth. She and her husband spend their money on frivolous luxuries and are not responsible financially.

My wife and I live frugally. We withdrew money from our retirement accounts to help fund our daughters' college educations. We now need to increase our retirement contributions and pay for maintenance and repairs to our home that we delayed while paying for their tuition.

Although we have always helped our children financially, we can no longer afford to trade our future financial security and our present standard of living to support them. I would appreciate some advice. This may be an issue affecting a lot of parents at this time. -- SPOKE TOO SOON IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SPOKE TOO SOON: Before making any promises to your daughter, you should have reviewed your retirement plans with your financial adviser. It's still not too late to do that, and once you do you should immediately inform Lana that, upon review, you now realize that giving her more money will compromise your plans for retirement.

You should also explain that you have deferred important repairs to your home because the money was directed instead to her education. The problem with deferring maintenance is it usually costs more than if the problems had been dealt with promptly, which is why you are, regrettably, unable to bail her out of her student loans. It may be the wake-up call Lana needs that it's time to assume her own responsibilities.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and I have been travel agents for 15 years. My cousin, whom I have always been close to, asked to join our business multiple times over the past few years and we always said yes.

A few months ago I learned that she went behind our backs and started her own travel agency. When I confronted her about hiding it from us, she denied it. Then one day I went over to her new office. She said she hadn't wanted to hurt our feelings, but she already has. She says I'm being "irrational" for not supporting her, but I think she was wrong for not joining us and going off on her own. Do you think our relationship can be saved? -- FAMILY MATTERS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR FAMILY MATTERS: Your cousin should have been forthright about starting her own business instead of hiding it. It is not "irrational" to feel hurt that she didn't level with you, and that was her mistake.

However, this is a free country, and your cousin had a right to change her mind about joining your business. Your relationship can be fixed as long as you and your mother accept that she had a right to go into business for herself if she wished, and refrain from discussing business when you're together.