DEAR ABBY: I'm confused about the protocol in thanking or repaying someone after staying several nights at their home. My feeling is, if you're staying with people, the nicest way to thank them for their hospitality is to pay for most, if not all, the lunches and dinners you share with them when you dine out. That way, you lessen the monetary burden of your visit, and it gives you a chance to say "thank you" for the use of their home.

Some visitors seem to think that when they come to your home, you should not only put them up, but also pay for all their activities while you show them your town. What is correct? Or is it a matter of preference? -- VISITING FROM PHOENIX

DEAR VISITING: According to Emily Post, when a guest stays overnight, a nice bottle of wine would be a proper gift if you know your hosts drink and their preference. If there are children in the household, a game they can all enjoy or candy might be nice. If you will be staying longer, she suggests a picture frame with a photo taken during your visit sent afterward, a houseplant in a decorative pot, hand towels or beach towels.

And I agree with you that treating your host(s) to a nice dinner during your visit would be gracious and thoughtful.

DEAR ABBY: One of my best supervisors is in a same-sex relationship. She and her partner are raising three wonderful children from previous marriages. I have introduced them to my husband at the office as well as work-related social events. He says he "hates" them because he believes their relationship broke up their marriages and it's wrong to raise their children this way.

When he encounters them he refuses to acknowledge them and will snarl when near them. Neither of them have done anything to deserve this treatment, and it makes me embarrassed and ashamed of him. I've tried to reason with him -- nothing works. I told him flat out he can have his opinions, but I expect him to treat them with respect.

I'm to the point where I have to attend work-related functions alone and not allow him to come to my office. That's one solution, but I'm still upset about his attitude in general. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- UPSET IN TEXAS

DEAR UPSET: I suspect that your husband's reason for "hating" your supervisor has less to do with the fact that she and her partner ended their marriages, and more to do with knee-jerk homophobia. Children who are raised in happy homes do better than those who are raised in a household filled with unresolved tension. I can't change your husband's attitude, and neither can you. Only he can do that, but enlightenment isn't likely to be achieved until he recognizes a need for it.

P.S. His manners are atrocious, and you're right to keep him apart from your work environment.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl and I want to become famous. My mom says that's not a real job. I was in magazines when I was little, but now that I'm older, I want to be a singer or actress. What should I do? -- HEADING FOR FAME IN OHIO

DEAR HEADING: Listen to your mother. Fame, if one can achieve it, is usually accomplished after years of planning and hard work. If there is community theater in your area, volunteer and become involved. Plan to study music, drama and speech -- as well as another subject so you can support yourself if it takes awhile for you to become famous. (This is called "Plan B.")

There's an old saying: "Luck" happens at the intersection of opportunity and preparation. The trick is to be there at the right time.

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away four years ago. Right after his funeral I found a bottle of Viagra hidden in the trunk of his car. My sister and I agreed that we should keep it to ourselves and not tell my mother, but Mom and I are extremely close and I feel guilty keeping this secret.

My father had multiple affairs while he was married to Mom, so it wouldn't surprise me if he was cheating on her. Because of conversations that I have had with her, I am 100 percent sure she didn't know he was using Viagra. My mother remarried two years ago. Does she have the right to know, or should my sister and I take it to our graves? -- TWO SISTERS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SISTERS: Your father's time on earth is over. Your mother is happily (I hope) remarried and has gone on with her life. I see no reason to revisit your father's probable indiscretions at this late date. It's time to let him and this subject rest in peace.

DEAR ABBY: I love my husband dearly, but I have a problem. He talks too much. I'll give you an example: Instead of saying I'd had surgery, he told people I'd had surgery because when I laughed I would wet my pants, so they had to go in and re-suspend my bladder. I could hardly believe my ears.

The latest is, he posted something on Facebook about a family member that was also very personal. I have asked him many times to keep details between us, but it does no good. What can I say to him to get this point across? I'm at a loss. -- FRUSTRATED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FRUSTRATED: It's not what you should say to him, it's what you should not say. Because your husband lacks judgment, be careful about sharing sensitive information with him and warn your relatives to do the same.

DEAR ABBY: I have a message for seniors and others who live alone: You need a friend or neighbor to keep in touch with you. Recently at the condo complex where I live, someone complained to the management office about a dog that wouldn't stop barking. When there was no answer on the phone or at the door, they went in. The woman had died and no one knew but her dog.

Our single neighbors now make a point of keeping in touch, if only to say hello and let us know they're OK. -- CONNECTED IN PALM COURT, FLA.

DEAR CONNECTED: That's good advice -- because the sad circumstance you described happens more often than most people would think. A similar thing also occurred in a condominium development where I lived. A word to the wise ...

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have two teenagers. "Mom" died two years ago, and my husband is an only child. How can we tell my widowed father-in-law that we need a weekend to ourselves?

"Pop," who's 87, lives an hour away and drives to see us every weekend, staying until Monday afternoon. We don't doubt that he's lonely, although he does play bridge twice a week and has dinner with friends occasionally. We love him dearly and would never want to hurt his feelings, but we long for a weekend for "just us."

How do we ask Pop not to visit? We believe he's still in mourning over the loss of his wife of 60 years. We don't want to add to his heartache. -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: You do need to talk to your father-in-law and set some boundaries. Accomplish it by setting a predetermined visitation schedule that allows you time alone with your husband and nuclear family without him being present. A way to get that message across would be to say: "Pop, we love you, but we need some time to ourselves, so let's schedule your visits for twice a month. You pick the weekends."

DEAR ABBY: The neighbor above my apartment has a snoring problem. My bedroom is directly below his. Around 10 every night he starts snoring to the point that it sounds like an elephant lives above me. I have to sleep with my TV on and sometimes the radio.

Please tell me what to do. Should I confront this neighbor? Should I complain to management? Or should I just live with it? -- FED UP IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FED UP: Write your neighbor a letter and explain to him there is a problem. He may not know that he snores. If he's snoring steadily, but stops for 20 or 30 seconds before starting again, it could indicate that he has a serious medical condition that should be discussed with his doctor.

If the apartment above you has poor insulation, a carpet under his bed could muffle some of the sound. Playing a tape of "white noise" could block it out more restfully than your television or radio. Or, because adequate sleep is so important, you could ask a real estate attorney about the possibility of breaking your lease and leaving without penalty.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old woman who will graduate from college soon. I am looking to undergo a post-college makeover. I want to find some clothes that will work in the professional world, but also mix for more casual environments. Taking a recent college grad's budget for this into account, what signature pieces should a young female have in her wardrobe? And what tips do you have for building a great collection over time? -- YOUNG, BROKE, BUT FABULOUS

DEAR Y.B.F.: Start with two suits -- one with a jacket and matching skirt, the other with jacket and slacks. Make both suits interchangeable and in a neutral color -- black, navy or beige -- whatever looks best on you. Add a couple of blouses and sweater sets, several pairs of shoes and a good handbag. Make sure to look for "classic" styles rather than trendy, and you will have the basis for a business wardrobe and the beginning of a great collection.