life

Teen in Throes of Depression Knows She Has to Get Help

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 9th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I really need some feedback. When I was 13, I would cut myself. I stopped around 15 after an attempted overdose that didn't work. I did it because my parents were stressed due to money problems and ignored me or yelled at me a lot. I was also bullied in school. I had just moved here, so there was no one to turn to.

Suddenly, in the last week, I have begun binge eating. I see no hope for me graduating, no hope for my life or my future. I wake up wanting to go back to sleep or overdose. My wrists have throbbed at the thought of wanting to cut again, and last night I had a dream of jumping off a building. All day I have had the same daydream of hitting the ground. I cry randomly for no reason. I have thought of multiple ways to kill myself.

This just started. I can't see why I can't be happy. My brother is coming home from Afghanistan. I should be ecstatic.

I plan on talking to a counselor tomorrow because I am not sure how to handle this. I don't want to get into such a state that I'll let myself overdose again. Thank you for your time. I just need some guidance on how to handle this. -- WAVERING GIRL IN WATERTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR WAVERING GIRL: You are also a smart girl to be reaching out for help. I hope by the time you read this you will have spoken to a counselor about your feelings, because it appears you are suffering from a severe depression, which can impair a person's judgment. Being bullied at school and worried about graduating would be enough to trigger it. The behaviors you describe mean you need to talk to -- and probably be medicated by -- a mental health care professional.

If you had given me your phone number, I would have talked with you personally about this -- and, with your permission, spoken to your parents about it. Your counselor can help you reach out for the help you need, but if you experience more suicidal impulses, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 800-273-8255.

life

Dear Abby for April 09, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 9th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I work for a small company. Employees here bring in treats to share and leave them in our break area so co-workers can help themselves. One employee, "Karen," sits at a desk that is very near the lounge, and snaps to attention when anyone walks by with treats in hand. Then she jumps up and follows them into the lounge, where she lingers until the snacks are ready.

She'll hover over the trays of whatever is being offered while eating "samples." Then she takes a huge helping and stands nearby while she eats it. She follows that up by taking more back to her desk. It's annoying to see a plate of cookies or a pan of brownies that were brought to share with everyone gobbled down by one person.

Karen earns a good salary. She certainly has enough money to buy her own food. So, Abby, what's a good way to tell her to stop? -- MISSING MY COOKIES IN ERIE, PA.

DEAR MISSING YOUR COOKIES: Try this. The next time one of you brings a treat to the office, put a sign next to it that reads, "One to a customer, please," or tell "Miss Piggy" in plain English that she's taking too much of a good thing.

life

Vietnam Vet Can't Find Words to Acknowledge Public Thanks

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 8th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My husband served in Vietnam and proudly wears a Vietnam veteran insignia on his jacket or cap everywhere he goes. People approach him all the time and thank him for his service, which is wonderful. The big question is, how should he respond? He isn't quite sure what to say back to them -- "You're welcome"? "It was my honor to serve"? "Thank you for caring"?

I'm not sure of the right response, either. So I told my husband I'd ask you. What's the proper thing to say when someone is kind enough to take a minute and say thanks? -- VET'S WIFE IN PHOENIX

DEAR VET'S WIFE: I'm sure being thanked for his service in Vietnam is music to your husband's ears. When members of the military returned from Vietnam, many of them were treated with hostility. A proper response when someone thanks him for his service would be any of those you offered, or a simple, "Thanks for saying that. I appreciate it."

life

Dear Abby for April 08, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 8th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have dear friends who live in another country. They also have a vacation home in a very nice part of the U.S. They have often invited us to use their vacation place while they're away, since it stands empty 11 months of the year.

I have hesitated in the past because I know we would use utilities and it would be of some expense to them. They are insistent that they will not let us pay for the use.

We would love to spend some time there. Is there anything we could do to show our appreciation without paying them? -- APPRECIATIVE, BUT ...

DEAR APPRECIATIVE: Yes. After spending time in their vacation home, write a letter thanking them and describing the experience. Consider sending them an album of photographs you took during your vacation there, or buy a gift for their vacation home. That way you will have repaid them without "paying" them.

life

Dear Abby for April 08, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 8th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My little sister is almost 12. She has been having a lot of behavior problems. I thought it was the stupid videos she watches that made her act like that, but she's getting worse.

One night, her mood was terrible and I noticed she was texting. So while she slept I took her cellphone and started reading the messages. Her texts were about her being a skank, drunk, sexually active, depressed, cutting herself and moving away soon. No one in the family knows or would ever allow this.

I feel the right thing to do is to tell our parents, but I don't want to make the situation worse. Her behavior and attitude stress us out, and her "friends" are the wrong crowd for her. I know it was bad for me to invade her privacy, but something needs to be done. What can I do? -- SISTER WHO CARES IN TEXAS

DEAR CARING SISTER: Tell your parents what you have learned. Your sister's behavior problems and angry or depressed mood must have been noticed by them as well as you. Ask them not to reveal that you looked at the messages, but to insist on some answers from her until they get to the bottom of what's happening. If even half of what your sister is writing and receiving is true, she is headed for serious trouble and is overdue for an intervention.

life

Dear Abby for April 08, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 8th, 2012 | Letter 4 of 4

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: Happy Easter, one and all!

life

Discovery of Dad's Secret Life Can't Be Kept Quiet

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 7th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenager who has recently discovered that my dad has been having sexually explicit conversations with women online for at least 10 years. He is usually withdrawn from the rest of the family, and I strongly suspect it's because he cares more about his online fantasies than he does about his life with my brothers, my mother and me.

I don't know what to do. I can no longer look him in the eye. I don't respect him; I pity him. I'm afraid to tell anyone in my family because of the drama it will cause, and don't want to tell him because I know it will change our relationship. Still, I don't think I can keep this to myself.

I have considered seeing a therapist, but I don't know how I can do that without giving my parents an explanation about why I'm going. What do you think I should do? -- CONFLICTED TEEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONFLICTED: You have been exposed to a large dose of information you shouldn't have, and for that you have my sympathy. If you feel you need to discuss this with a therapist, then you definitely should.

As I see it, you have several options. The first would be to talk to a counselor at school and ask if counseling is available that way. If it isn't, then tell your father you need it, and why. And if he refuses, tell your mother everything.

life

Dear Abby for April 07, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 7th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old college junior, double-majoring in English and education. Although I am pretty advanced in my degree field, I'm having second thoughts about my decision. Every day it seems as if I invest all my time and energy into something I don't even want to be a part of.

I have a very adventurous spirit. I want to constantly be doing, going and discovering. Part of me says I'm an adult and I should ignore the explorer part of me. But it's hard to say that change isn't possible because we're talking the rest of my life. How can I connect passion with occupation -- especially at this stage of the game? -- GYPSY SOUL

DEAR GYPSY SOUL: By thinking out of the box. There are various options in the field of education, and one of them is teaching English in foreign countries. Start looking for opportunities in that area, and you may be able to also fulfill your urge for adventure. Another option that comes to mind would be joining the Peace Corps or Teach for America. Please consider what I am suggesting and do some research on your own.

life

Dear Abby for April 07, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 7th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Is it ever proper to wear your napkin tucked into your shirt collar when dining out, instead of placing it on your lap? Traditionally, a napkin is placed on the lap to prevent soiling of the clothing, I would guess. But some plus-sized folks and women with large bustlines don't usually have food reach their laps, just their shirts. So what do you think? -- JUST WONDERING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR JUST WONDERING: Your napkin belongs in your lap when dining out, regardless of what size you are. According to Emily Post, "an exception can be made for the elderly or infirm." So if you are neither of those, consider carrying a stain remover "pen" with you in case there is a slip twixt the fork and the lip.

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