DEAR ABBY: "Robert" and I met four years ago and fell head-over-heels in love. At the time, he was two years clean and sober and attending meetings. Due to his hectic work schedule, he stopped attending the meetings.

Robert is intelligent, a hard worker, handsome and my best friend. He prided himself on his sobriety, so imagine my shock when I found an empty liquor bottle buried in the trash and three more under the bed. I never thought I'd see the day when he would relapse, but he has. I am devastated. I didn't know what to say to him or how to react, because I have never been down this road.

I told Robert I knew he was drinking again. I could barely hold back my tears because I knew what a huge personal setback this is for him. He said he didn't want to discuss it, so I didn't push.

What am I supposed to do when the man I love has relapsed? My heart aches for him. I'm trying to be supportive, but I am clueless. Please help. -- HELPLESS

DEAR HELPLESS: The first thing to do is recognize that this is Robert's problem, and only he can fix it. If you plan to stay involved with him, understand that it is not unusual for someone with a substance abuse problem to fall off the wagon from time to time.

The next thing you should do, and this is important, is find your nearest chapter of Al-Anon. It's an organization that was started by the wife of an alcoholic, and its sole purpose is to help the family and friends of alcoholics. The toll-free phone number is 888-425-2666, and it has been mentioned in this column many times.

There will be meetings for you to attend so you can learn to avoid falling into the trap of trying to "save" or enable Robert, because in order for him to get better he must experience the consequences of going back to drinking. This is not easy to do with someone you care about, and you will need all of the support you can get.

By the way, your letter arrived in the same batch as the one below. It may give you some insight:

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago I talked to my mother about her drinking. She's a binge drinker and her excuse is always, "It's my day off." I am focusing on myself and trying to figure out my life, as well, with the help of Al-Anon -- the only thing that has kept me positive.

I knew that once I uttered the word "alcoholic" aloud, my relationship with my mother would forever be affected. I asked her to contact me when she was ready to quit because I can no longer enable her drinking.

I miss the mom who doesn't drink, but I can't be around her when she does. As I grow in my recovery, I may figure out how to do that. But for now, I need to put space between us.

My family is worried something drastic will happen (as her health isn't good) and I will have regrets. But I have expressed my thoughts and accepted that Mom and I may never speak again. Is that wrong? -- STILL A LOVING DAUGHTER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR STILL A LOVING DAUGHTER: No, it's not wrong. Your mother's binge drinking was affecting her health as well as her relationship with you, and while it may have been difficult and wrenching, it was the right thing to do -- for both of you. Let's hope that your strength in doing that will give her the strength to stop her alcohol binges.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, when I was in 10th grade, I had a best friend, "Ben." We talked all the time, shared secrets and always hung out together. I never regarded him as someone I'd like to date, so I never took his attention very seriously.

That summer, he texted me and asked me to send him a picture of my breasts. When I said no, he became pushy. I told him I didn't know what he was going to do with the picture, and I didn't want to get in trouble. He was upset that I didn't "trust" him. I tried to explain that I couldn't assume he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. We didn't talk the rest of the summer.

The following year we had a chemistry class together, and Ben acted like he didn't know me. He deleted my phone number and dropped me as a friend on Facebook. Now, in our final year of high school, he's in another class with me. He still won't acknowledge me and is always flirting with my best friend.

I have cried so much over Ben. I miss him a lot. I don't understand why he's treating me this way. What did I do that was so awful? Is something wrong with me? -- BEWILDERED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BEWILDERED: You did nothing wrong. You considered Ben to be a friend, and I assume that you aren't in the habit of showing your male friends your breasts. It seems only logical that you wouldn't send a picture that could wind up heaven knows where.

Ben is acting this way because he is trying to punish you for not giving him what he wanted. He's flirting with your friend to hurt you and/or make you jealous. These are not the actions of a friend, and the sooner you accept it, the better off you will be. Ben strikes me as immature and a user, so be glad you didn't do what he wanted. It was good common sense.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding money and adult children, should a parent help all children equally if they are financially able to? Or should a parent offer help only to the children in need (medical expenses, kid in college, new washing machine, etc.)? If one child has a high-paying job, does he/she deserve any less from a parent in the end? -- WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: Before deciding how to divide your assets, first discuss this with an attorney who specializes in wills, trusts and estate planning. From my perspective, if you leave an equal amount to each of your heirs, it will prevent hurt feelings and resentment among them after you are gone. Monies given before your death to one of your children should be tallied and deducted from the amount he or she is allotted in your will -- with an explanation of the reason why it is less.

DEAR ABBY: I am torn between two important people in my life. My best friend and my husband graduate this year on the same day, one at 9 a.m., the other at 10 a.m., at two different colleges an hour and a half apart.

My friend says that because I was able to attend my husband's associate and bachelor degree graduations, I should attend her ceremony because I have never seen her graduate. However, I feel my husband's having earned his master's degree is a huge accomplishment, and that I should attend his graduation. What do you think, Abby? -- UNDECIDED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR UNDECIDED: I think you should follow your instincts, because they are exactly right. During your lifetime you will have many friends, but let's hope only one husband.

DEAR ABBY: I have been separated from my husband, "Fred," for several months because of his infidelity. He is pushing to move back in together and has been very insecure and overly clingy. He constantly accuses me of not paying enough attention to him, no matter what I do or how much time I spend with him.

Fred and I have two children, so this has been difficult for all of us. But I'm frustrated with his disrespect for my space and seriously considering divorce. I want to tell him, but I'm worried about his reaction since he cries every time I mention anything that implies that I might "give up on us." He was married once before, and told me that he had to stay with his brother for a while afterward to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself.

His family lives 400 miles away, and he wants to visit them soon. Would it be wrong of me to call him while he's there and tell him it's over? I feel he'll need support when he gets the news, and I don't want him to be alone. He's a good father and good friend. I do love and care about him, and don't want him to do anything that will hurt himself or his children, but I can't stay married to someone who cheats on me. Any suggestions? -- TORN IN PIECES

DEAR TORN: To stay married to someone because you think he might hurt himself would be giving in to emotional blackmail. Fred is clingy and needy because he now realizes what his cheating may have cost him. Of course it's a turn-off.

However, before ending the marriage, it's important that you understand your disgust with him is mixed with your anger at his betrayal. That's why you could both benefit -- and communicate more honestly and safely -- if you schedule some appointments with a licensed marriage and family counselor. If, during that time, you decide you still want a divorce, the place to tell him would be in the therapist's office. You won't be alone. He will have emotional support, and his family can be told immediately afterward.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old married man and have been with my wife for 23 years. We were both married before and have two children from our prior marriages. Our children are now grown and live their own lives.

I have recently learned that I'm terminally ill and, as I come to the end of my journey here on Earth, I need some advice. My son, 26, does not know he's not my biological child. His mother was pregnant when she met me and we never told him. As I make my final preparations, I am conflicted as to whether I should. How do I address this? Or do I even address it all?

If I do it before I pass away, I'm afraid he will be upset and angry and turn away from me. If I do it afterward, via taped video message or handwritten letter, I won't be there to answer the questions he's bound to have. Where do I go from here, Abby? -- UNSURE IN MISSOURI

DEAR UNSURE: Please accept my sympathy for your poor prognosis. Your situation is regrettable, but please don't shoulder all the blame. Your first wife shares some of it, too.

The young man has the right to know that, while you love him and have raised him as your own, he isn't your biological child. He should be told before your death, in person, and nothing should be left out. If possible, his mother should participate in the conversation. And if she knows who the father is, your son should have access to an accurate family medical history.