DEAR ABBY: I will graduate from college in June and be a social worker. I am psychic, although I dislike that word because it conjures up visions of crystal balls, quacks and scams. For legitimate psychic individuals, it can be overwhelming to live this way.

I first noticed my ability when I was young, but I repressed it because my folks thought I was imagining things. It began to resurge in college. This school is haunted, so I have become used to daily interactions with ghosts -- often in the dead of night. I also notice that during client counseling sessions images will pop into my head. I once gave a classmate the "willies" by perfectly describing the garden in her backyard having never laid eyes on it. My adviser says I must never tell my clients the things I "see" in them because it will frighten them.

It's hard to separate my own thoughts and emotions from those of spirits around me. I'm concerned about my psychic ability in relation to my clients. If I pick up on abuse in the mind of a child, for example, am I obligated to report it?

Being psychic is as natural to me as my having blue eyes. It will never go away. I must now find the means to manage it. I don't want a career as a medium. I'm dedicated to the profession I have chosen. Can you offer me advice? -- GIFTED IN NEW YORK

DEAR GIFTED: Instead of using your visions to form judgments about your clients, use them to guide you during interviews. If you do, you will then be better equipped to provide concrete proof of the need for an intervention than revealing you "saw" something that others can't see or wasn't disclosed to you.

Many people have psychic abilities to a greater or lesser degree than you do, and those "vibes" can be invaluable. It is possible that your gift will give you insight into the individuals you will serve. I wish you success.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has turned into a bona fide slug! We have been married 30 years. For half of them she stayed fit and trim, but over the past 15 she has put on 100 pounds and refuses to try to lose any of it. She also refuses to cook. I have to cook my own meals or we eat out. She no longer cleans (we pay a maid) or has sex with me.

She is obviously depressed and has taken several medications over the years to no avail. She has had lab work done, but nothing shows up. Because she doesn't have a job, she sits around in her pajamas all day playing on the computer or reading romance novels. She'll do laundry, but only after a month, when there's nothing left to wear.

The other thing my wife likes to do is travel. The more expensive the trip, the more she loves it. Does God really expect me to live like this until I die? I have tried everything I can think of to help her. I dread going home every night. Advice, please? -- LIVING IN HELL IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR LIVING IN HELL: The marriage you have described isn't "living," it is existing. Insist, as a condition of staying in the marriage, that your wife have a thorough physical and psychological evaluation. She appears to be depressed, withdrawn and possibly not in touch with reality. Her physical health is also at risk.

Not every medication works on everyone. Your wife's weight gain may have made the dose she was taking ineffective -- or she may need a combination of drugs and talk therapy. Clearly she isn't happy in your marriage anymore either, if she's escaping into romance novels instead of having a relationship with you. Please get her the help she appears to so desperately need.

DEAR ABBY: One of my sister's best friends, "Tara," has had a crush on me since we were kids. She's 21 and I'm 25. My sister always knew about it, but never told me. I had a crush on Tara, too, but I was too shy to tell her.

I moved out of state when I turned 18, but Tara still lives there. She and my sister keep in touch. Now that I'm back in town, Tara has been coming to visit me. We have no physical contact, only verbal. During one of the visits she confessed her crush and so did I.

The trouble is, Tara got married a year ago and has a 2-month-old baby with her husband. She says she hasn't been happy in her marriage and has filed for a divorce. We want to be together, but want to wait for the divorce to be final before starting a relationship.

I suspect that she's only divorcing her husband to be with me. Am I being too quick to judge? Is it a bad idea to be with her? Should we just remain good friends? I need a woman's opinion. -- UNCERTAIN IN TEXAS

DEAR UNCERTAIN: If you and Tara are serious about not starting a relationship until her divorce is final, then the answers to your questions will become apparent during that process. But please remember, ending her marriage will probably not cause her husband to vanish into the ether. Because he's the father of her baby, he will be part of your lives forever.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Simon," is a workaholic. I didn't know him long before I married him, which was a mistake. He never adapted to being part of a couple. His rewards all came from work -- the paychecks, kudos from clients and fellow employees, and others saying what a good provider he was. He bought our kids' love with presents, not presence.

He was gone at dawn, came home after the kids were in bed, volunteered to work on his "off" days and usually stayed later than scheduled. He kept busy with everyone and everything except us. I raised our children alone and worked outside the home as well. I took them to their sports events, extra activities and to the synagogue. We didn't need the "extra" money, but he was never satisfied, always wanting more. I was faithful to a ghost, living alone and crying for too long. After 30 years I realized I didn't miss him anymore. He had broken my heart and fractured my dreams.

It's too late for me to start again and find love. Abby, tell young wives to trust their hearts and priorities. They deserve warmth, not cold cash. -- ALONE NOW BY CHOICE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ALONE: What a sad story. You married someone who may have had such an overwhelming fear of poverty that he sacrificed the joys of family for financial security. While you may not have had romance, I'm sure you have earned the love of your children. Allow yourself to enjoy what your husband has accumulated.

And if you've had enough of solitude, consider this: It's never too late to find love. People of every age do it every day, but first you need to find it within yourself. Unless you do, your bitterness will spill over onto every relationship you have.

TO MY IRISH READERS:

"May the most you wish for

"be the least you get.

"May the best times you've ever had

"be the worst you will ever see."

Happy St. Patrick's Day! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I recently began going to a new doctor after the one I had been using retired. I like her. She shows a genuine interest in my well-being, seems to diagnose well and I get good results from her treatments. She doesn't keep me waiting and has a charming, warm personality.

So what's the problem? She's not very clean. There is sometimes dirt under her fingernails. Her white coat is tattered and filthy, and when she gets close there's an odor that's less than pleasant. Once after touching me, she washed her hands by sticking her fingertips under cold water for a few seconds -- no soap or scrubbing. She had not washed before touching me.

There are so many good things about her I hate to lose her as a doctor. She'll be insulted if I say anything. If I cancel an appointment, it will raise questions and lead to hurt feelings. What do I do? -- FREAKED OUT IN ALBANY

DEAR FREAKED OUT: Find another doctor. (I was tempted to say, "Run for your life!") As warm, charming, caring and attentive as your doctor may be, her poor hygiene is a danger to your health. That she would present herself to patients in the condition you have described and practice such poor hygiene makes me wonder how qualified she is to practice medicine.

One other thing you should consider doing -- because you like her -- is to write her a letter explaining why you won't be seeing her anymore. She obviously needs a wake-up call.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is dying of old age and heart failure. It's not unexpected and we are preparing for the end to come soon.

The problem is I'm not a good housekeeper, and I am in marginal health. My husband is disabled and is, frankly, a slob. I have given up trying to keep a clean house while caring for him, my mother and myself. I just don't have the strength to do it all, and my husband does nothing except lie around on his bed watching TV or sleeping all day.

I know when my mother passes, people will want to come here to visit or bring food. My house is so dirty and deplorable I don't want anyone to come here. What should I do? I have thought about hiring a service, but I'm not sure I can afford it. Any other suggestions? -- OVERWHELMED AND TIRED IN TEXAS

DEAR OVERWHELMED AND TIRED: Please accept my sympathy for the impending loss of your mother. Even when death is accepted as inevitable, it is nonetheless heart wrenching. I'll offer two suggestions:

The first is to talk to your religious adviser about your concerns, because it's possible some volunteers from your mother's church -- or your own -- might be kind enough to help you get your house in order to receive guests after the funeral. The other would be to request that guests meet afterward at the church reception hall or funeral home for refreshments.

DEAR ABBY: I find it hard to deal with my P.E. teacher. She is rude, mean and she always calls me out. When you need to make a correction on your test, she throws the quiz at you and then you have to pick it up. She is very impatient also. Do you have any advice on how to deal with such a person? -- DONE WITH HER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DONE WITH HER: Your teacher appears to be a troubled woman. The way to deal with her would be for your parents -- and the parents of any other students she is treating this way -- to bring it to the attention of the principal of the school so it can be addressed.