DEAR ABBY: My sisters and I grew up in a horrible household with our mother. She was not only OK with the severe abuse and neglect we suffered, she encouraged it. Now grown up, my sisters have moved out of state and have no contact with her. My contact with Mom is limited although I live close to her. My sisters want her to know nothing about them, and they are very cautious.

Recently, one of them had a beautiful baby. I'm happy for her. Because of the abuse she suffered during our childhood it was difficult for her to conceive, so this seems like a miracle.

I was given the news on the condition that Mom is not to know about the baby, nor is anyone who talks to her -- aunts, uncles, children, grandchildren and our cousins. If I don't keep my promise, my sisters will cut me out of their lives, too.

I'm angry about it. I didn't hurt them, Mom did. I went through the same nightmare they experienced. How do I deal with all of this now? -- PRISONER OF THE PAST

DEAR PRISONER: Your sisters have dealt with the abuse they suffered by going away, leaving all reminders behind. You chose to maintain contact with your mother. You have many valid reasons to be angry, but please do not aim your anger at your sisters for wanting to protect themselves from someone who condoned and encouraged their abuse.

Because you are having difficulty with your emotions, contact Childhelp to find the location of a qualified counselor near you. The toll-free number is 800-422-4453 and its website is www.childhelp.org. With professional help, you will be able to finally work through the feelings you have been avoiding for so long and start your own healing.

DEAR ABBY: We have two sons, a toddler and an infant. I'm a stay-at-home mom who plays in the mud, sand and dirt with her boys. I wear my bathing suit or a T-shirt and shorts. Later, we'll take a bath or shower together. It's safer and easier for me to be in the large, deep tub with them. We have bubbles, sing songs and make silly hairdos with shampoo. The boys never touch my body or point to my "parts."

My husband thinks I should be more modest, but I'm the one who nursed them. I'm the one they watch on the potty to learn. My nudity is never sexual in any way. Do you think it's OK for my boys to see me in the buff? -- CAREFREE MOMMY IN SARASOTA

DEAR CAREFREE MOMMY: There is a difference between interacting with your very young boys and being sexually provocative. I see no harm in what you're doing. Be "modest" when the kids are a little older, but for now there's no danger of them building an unhealthy mother fixation.

DEAR ABBY: In the past you have asked readers to tell you their pet peeves. You know what really irks me? It's when a man I haven't seen for many years runs into me and has changed to the point of being unrecognizable -- lost most or all his hair, stomach sagging to his groin and totally out of shape -- and the first thing he says to me is, "Oh, you've gained weight!"

What can I say to these fools without slamming a mirror over their heads because apparently they don't own one? -- NOT THE ONLY CHUBBY ONE IN TEXAS

DEAR NOT THE ONLY: Try this: "Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to respond to the letter from the mother of the 12-year-old boy whose grandmother can't spell his name right. ("His Name Is Joe!"; Jan. 4). The same thing happened to my husband. His grandmother spells his name with a C instead of a K. I have always put K on our cards and letters to her, but I think at her age she's stuck in her habit.

Once she sent my husband a beautiful silver money clip for which she had spent several hundred dollars. She had it engraved with the wrong initials -- including the C. She's such a sweet, lovely woman that, at that point, I insisted he never make reference to the correct spelling of his name again. Engraved items can rarely be returned, and I knew how hurt she'd be knowing she had spelled his name wrong. He called and thanked her profusely for such a generous gift, and we've never brought up the matter since. -- ANNE IN TEXAS

DEAR ANNE: Thank you for writing. I guessed that the grandmother might not have been pleased with the name the boy had been given. Other readers also had hunches about why the grandmother would continue to misspell it. Their comments:

DEAR ABBY: I suspect that Grandma doesn't like that particular spelling of the child's name. These days people have come up with unusual spellings for common names. Instead of Rebecca, you have Rebekka. For Ashley, you have Ashlee, Ashleigh and Ashli. Karen can now be Caryn or Caren. This makes it especially difficult for anyone with an unusually spelled name. You can bet that no one will get it right. So I imagine this is Grandma's way of expressing her disapproval of the spelling of the child's name. -- ONLY THE SPELLING HAS BEEN CHANGED

DEAR ABBY: My sweet grandmother misspelled my name every time she wrote to us. She had only a third-grade education, lived in a home with no electricity, raised four girls alone after her husband died and continued to maintain the family farm.

She wrote with a pencil that was sharpened with a knife and spelled my name -- Karen -- the way it sounded to her, "Kron." I was never insulted. I always laughed about the fact that it looked as if my name were that of a cave person.

Of course, I knew she loved me unconditionally. Maybe that is why "HNIJ" seems to have a problem with her son's grandmother. Could it be she feels Grandma doesn't show enough love to the boy? -- CAVE WOMAN KRON

DEAR ABBY: Rather than suggest that Grandma doesn't like the child's name, it may be she's like my mother. Mom has a hearing problem and can't make out sounds, which is why she constantly misspells her grandson's name. -- JOYCE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: I made the same mistake with my granddaughter's name -- for 10 years. No one told me her name ended with an "i" and not a "y." Boy, was I ever embarrassed. The misspelling was not deliberate, and I sure wish someone would have pointed out my error sooner. -- JUST UNINFORMED IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABBY: My late mother and my father-in-law both misspelled my children's names. Mom even took liberties with my name after I was married. I don't think either one was sending me a message. They just weren't familiar with the particular spelling.

"HNIJ" should give Grandma a framed photo of her grandson with his name (and date of birth, maybe) on a label at the bottom. Seeing his name daily may be all the woman needs to learn the correct spelling. -- BEEN THERE, TOO

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago you printed a poem about forgiveness in your column. It described very well the benefits of the practice, and it was accompanied by a sort of "forgiveness schedule" for every day of the week.

I clipped the column and saved it, but over time I seem to have lost it. Could you please run this piece again? -- DANIELA IN TORONTO

DEAR DANIELA: I'm glad to oblige. The poem you have requested, "Decide to Forgive," was written by the late Robert Muller, former assistant secretary-general of the United Nations. Now, with so much turmoil going on in the nation and in the world, its sentiments are particularly relevant.

This poem is part of a collection of letters, poems and essays that are collected in my booklet "Keepers" because so many Dear Abby readers had clipped them and continue to request that they be reprinted. Here is the poem you have requested:

DECIDE TO FORGIVE

Decide to forgive

For resentment is negative

Resentment is poisonous

Resentment diminishes and devours the self.

Be the first to forgive,

To smile and to take the first step

And you will see happiness bloom

On the face of your human brother or sister.

Be always the first

Do not wait for others to forgive

For by forgiving

You become the master of fate

The fashioner of life

A doer of miracles.

To forgive is the highest,

Most beautiful form of love.

In return you will receive

Untold peace and happiness.

And here is the program for achieving a truly forgiving heart:

SUNDAY: Forgive yourself.

MONDAY: Forgive your family.

TUESDAY: Forgive your friends and associates.

WEDNESDAY: Forgive across economic lines within your own nation.

THURSDAY: Forgive across cultural lines within your own nation.

FRIDAY: Forgive across political lines within your own nation.

SATURDAY: Forgive other nations.

Only the brave know how to forgive. A coward never forgives.

It is not in his nature.

Since I cannot reprint the continual avalanche of requests I receive for reprints, for those who desire them, my "Keepers" booklet can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Many people have told me it makes a welcome gift for newlyweds, new parents, animal lovers, those who are grieving, and anyone who is recovering from an illness because it's a quick and easy read, and filled with wisdom and humor on a wide variety of topics.