life

Motorists in the Wrong Find Ways to Make Things Right

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 16th, 2012

DEAR ABBY: "Mild-Mannered Motorist in Virginia" (� HYPERLINK "http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20111226" ��Dec. 26�) asked you for a hand signal to indicate "I'm sorry" to fellow drivers when he makes mistakes behind the wheel. Not long ago, I made a not-so-serious mistake that angered another driver. When I flashed a peace sign, then moved my mouth in an "I'm sorry," the person's frown changed to a smile. We then drove on with pleasant attitudes, and I tried to watch my driving more closely.

The peace sign, of course, is hand closed, forefinger and middle finger up as in a "V." I think the whole world recognizes a peace sign. It worked for me. -- FAITHFUL READER IN ARKANSAS

DEAR FAITHFUL READER: I assured "Mild-Mannered" that my helpful readers would step forward to offer suggestions for an "I'm sorry" signal. And many, like you, mentioned giving the peace sign. Offering more options, my newspaper readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: We New Yorkers have honed silent signals to a fine art. When I'm at fault in traffic or other situations where I can't apologize verbally, I make eye contact, put my hand to my chest to accuse myself, and put my hands in a prayerful gesture to ask forgiveness. This almost always defuses the situation on the spot. Add a smile and you've made a friend as well. -- LORNA, IN THE CITY

DEAR ABBY: I, too, have made boo-boos while driving and wish I could have said "I'm sorry," but the person is usually too busy shaking a fist and screaming what are obviously obscenities to notice. I like the idea of a standard "sorry" gesture.

How about holding one hand up with your palm toward your face for just a second? (As in "I'm ashamed of what I just did.") It's simple and lets you keep your other hand on the wheel. -- CAROL IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: Why not use the American Sign Language symbol for "sorry"? Make a fist with your right hand, palm toward the body and place it over the area of your heart and move it in small circles. Of course, the expression on your face pulls it all together. Sign language is used by many people, and the chance that the person you offended may already be familiar with this sign makes it a great way to convey the sentiment. -- SIGN USER IN OLD LYME, CONN.

DEAR ABBY: If I think the other driver will be able to see me, the gesture I make after a mistake is an exaggerated, slow smack to my forehead -- basically, my own Homer Simpson "Doh!" -- IN THE WRONG IN MAINE

DEAR ABBY: "Mild-Mannered Motorist's" letter reminded me of an incident a few years ago. Driving home from work, I was forced to swerve into an oncoming lane by a car driven by a young woman who was pulling onto the road from a parking lot. She didn't see me because of traffic in the lane to my right. Fortunately, there were no oncoming vehicles, and I was able to return to my lane and proceed.

At the traffic signal, I noticed the "offending" car was directly behind me. It continued following me and I started becoming concerned that I had a stalker. Turning into my neighborhood, I quickly drove up my driveway and into my garage. When I got out of the car, the young woman was walking up the driveway. She then began profusely apologizing for having caused a problem for me.

She had driven miles out of her way to offer her apology, which I gratefully accepted. Then we both thanked God for protecting us. I have never seen her again, but I hope she knows I respect her tremendously. -- PLEASANTLY SURPRISED IN NORTH CAROLINA

life

Couple's Miracle Baby Is Causing Husband Disbelief

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 15th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I married "Andy" a year ago. He has three children from a prior marriage. He had a vasectomy eight years ago, but promised he'd have it reversed so we could have a child together. He didn't get around to it, but I'm pregnant anyway.

At first we felt it was our miracle baby. However, 15 weeks later, Andy is now "sure" the baby isn't his. Things have gotten so bad that I moved out of our house.

Abby, I have never been unfaithful. A paternity test will prove he's the father, but that can't be done until after our baby is born. I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist, but I'm not sure I want to reconcile with him.

Have other readers been in this situation? What was the outcome? -- PREGNANT AND ALONE ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR PREGNANT AND ALONE: Yes, other readers have been in your situation. In those cases, the vasectomy had somehow reversed itself without surgery. (Perhaps it wasn't done properly in the first place.) Your husband should consult a urologist and have his sperm levels checked. It could provide the "proof" he's looking for a lot sooner than your due date.

Because this has been emotionally devastating for you -- which is understandable -- talking with a therapist will be beneficial regardless of what you decide about your marriage.

life

Dear Abby for February 15, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 15th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My stepson, "David," lives with my husband and me and our 9-year-old son. He is 20 and has been with us since he was a child because his mother couldn't control him. He had major problems in school -- detentions, failing grades, etc. -- and has been nothing but trouble. David is disrespectful, a chronic liar and a thief. He has even threatened to kill us.

David's mother bought him a car and his grandmother gives him money to buy anything he wants -- including guns. He won't get a driver's license, refuses to get a job, won't help around the house and lies to people, saying we don't feed him. He has even said his dad beats him every day.

I want my husband to give David a choice: Get his license, get a job and help around the house, or get out, but my husband refuses. His excuse is, where will he go?

My husband works out of town occasionally, and when he's gone I have our 9-year-old sleep with me and I lock the door because I'm afraid of David. What can we do? -- AFRAID OF MY STEPSON

DEAR AFRAID: Because your husband is unwilling to assert his authority, there's nothing you can do. Since he can't or won't get his son the help he needs, for your son's safety you should make other living arrangements.

The situation you have described is dangerous because David has access to weapons. Was he ever given a psychological evaluation? If not, he should have one as a condition of continuing to stay with you and his father. It may provide you with some sorely needed insight because you need more help than I -- or anyone -- can offer in a letter. Without professional help for him, I predict that your stepson will wind up in trouble with the law.

life

Dear Abby for February 15, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 15th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: At what point is a person considered to be addicted to prescription drugs? -- BORDERLINE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR BORDERLINE: When the person increases the dosage beyond what has been prescribed, lies about it and/or tries to get the drugs by devious means.

life

Queen and Her Gallant Knight Have Shared Lifetime of Love

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2012 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: At this time of year I have seen letters in your column from couples describing how they met. I hope you will print ours.

During a study break one evening in April 1937, I walked to Bruckner Boulevard Park in the Bronx to sit on a bench and watch the cars drive by. A cyclist whizzed through the center walkway, then stopped and slowly backed up to where I was sitting.

"Hello," he said. I responded. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm Queen Elizabeth the First," I told him without batting an eye. "Well," he replied, "I'm Sir Walter Raleigh -- unfortunately, I don't have a coat to place at your feet." Then he sat down beside me. We talked, we laughed, and he walked me home.

Four years later, Ben and I eloped. That was April 3, 1941.

This year we will celebrate our 71st anniversary and have, in our lifetime together, accumulated three beautiful daughters, nine grandchildren, 20 great-grandchildren, three great-great-grandchildren and another on the way.

We have shared our tears, our joys, our failures and our successes. We have worked long hours, taken vacations, participated in sports and traveled. We have enjoyed every moment. Now in our 90s, we are financially secure, have a caring family and many beautiful memories. Ben, however, has not as yet placed his coat at my feet. -- BELLA IN NEW YORK

DEAR BELLA: No -- he took you on a lifetime magic carpet ride instead. May you enjoy many more years of happiness together.

life

Dear Abby for February 14, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2012 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend I went to a birthday slumber party at a friend's house. We played poker as we often do, then one girl suggested we play strip poker. She was kind of pushy about it. I wasn't comfortable with the idea and chose not to participate. I was the only one. Everybody laughed at me. They called me a prude and told me "all girls look the same."

I don't think I'm a prude. I'm not shy about undressing in front of my sister and friends. I'm just not comfortable about something like this and saw no point to it. I mean, if "we're all the same," then what's the reason for exposing our bodies to each other? Everybody thought it was fun, and those who ended up taking it all off laughed about it.

Is there something wrong with me? Now they're talking about doing it at future slumber parties, so I'm not sure how to handle it. I could just not attend, but this is the group I hang out with, and I don't like to miss out. -- NO PRUDE IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR NO PRUDE: Not only is there nothing wrong with you, I applaud you for not giving in to peer pressure and doing something you didn't feel was right. It took maturity to refuse.

Because you're not comfortable playing strip poker, you should make other plans for those nights. This doesn't mean you shouldn't socialize with your friends -- but if their idea of a fun time is strip poker, consider cultivating a few more relationships with girls who have broader interests. That way you'll have something to do on nights they are playing -- until they grow bored with the game. (And they will.)

life

Dear Abby for February 14, 2012

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2012 | Letter 3 of 3

TO MY READERS IN ABBYLAND:

I'd like to make my feelings clear,

I love you "Abbdicts" far and near.

Your comments challenge and enlighten,

stimulate and often brighten.

Yes, I know you're sometimes critical,

but you're always analytical.

So on this Happy Valentine's Day

I send a heart full of love your way. -- ABBY

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Forgotten Salves
  • Lucky Squirrel
  • White Dresses
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Dad Baffled by Son's High-end Car Purchase
  • Grandparents' Executor Liquidates Everything
  • Son Isn't the Repairman He Thinks He Is
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal