DEAR ABBY: I am 11. My mom is engaged to a man who I think is a wonderful person, but she always questions whether he's cheating on her. She's 37. Personally, I think she won't get another chance like this. Their wedding has been postponed three times because she thinks he's lying to her.

I don't think she realizes what she's got. When I ask her if everything is OK between them, she says, "Everything is fine, and if it wasn't, it would be too complicated for you to understand." I just want them to live happily together. What should I do? -- OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW IN ALABAMA

DEAR OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW: You may be old enough to know, but if your mom doesn't feel comfortable sharing certain personal information with you, that should be her privilege. Her suspicions may be the result of having been hurt in past relationships, or she may have caught her fiance being less than truthful at some point.

Your mother should not marry anyone -- regardless of how great a catch he may seem to you -- unless she is certain she can trust him. The fact that their wedding has been postponed three times sends me a message that she thinks she has reason for concern in that department.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and want to have my ear pierced a second time. Despite my mother's reluctance, she took me to get my ears pierced when I was 9. My friends have all gotten multiple ear piercings. All I want is to get the cartilage on my right ear pierced, but Mom and Dad refuse.

Mom says that any piercing other than one in each ear looks "trashy" and people will think unfavorably of me. I don't see the big deal. It's not like I want my nose or navel pierced. I just want one little stud, and I'd pay for it myself.

I'm a respectful and honest girl. I have always brought home good grades. Mom says I'll have to wait until I'm 18 and out of her house. I don't understand why she won't let me get this done. My best friend's mother, who is stricter than mine, let her get her cartilage pierced. What do you think? -- NOT ASKING FOR MUCH IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NOT ASKING FOR MUCH: I think that as a minor living in your parents' house, you should obey their rules. If you want to get multiple piercings in your ears when you're 18 and on your own, the choice will be yours. But until then, respect your mother's wishes. "Because everyone else is doing it" is not a valid reason for doing anything.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy theater very much, but can't afford to attend all the performances I would like, so I work at my local theater every week. In exchange, I am "paid" in tickets. The ticket prices are generally $60 and up, so it's a win/win for both the theater and for me.

My question is, when I invite a friend to use the extra ticket, is it unreasonable to expect him or her to drive and pay for the treat at intermission? The ticket was not "free" to me -- I worked for it. Or, because I issued the invitation, am I responsible for the entire evening? -- THEATER LOVER IN ATLANTA

DEAR THEATER LOVER: If you're treating someone to an evening at the theater, it would certainly be gracious of your guest to offer to reciprocate in some way. However, because your friends don't have ESP, this is a subject you should raise at the time you issue the invitation.

DEAR ABBY: There is an ongoing issue between my husband and me. It's his disregard for my personal safety. Our large city is known for its heavy, fast traffic and impatient drivers. "Jon" is a good driver. He likes to drive in the left (passing) lane on the highway or tollway, usually about five miles above the posted speed limit.

This is considered too slow for many drivers, who become impatient and aggressive having to be behind us in the fast lane. They flash their headlights and tailgate us, trying to get him to move over into the right lane so they can pass, but Jon refuses to yield. If they start to pass us on the right, he will speed up and race them so they can't get ahead of him. He says he's "teaching them a lesson."

I have told my husband repeatedly that these games are dangerous and they scare me. Not only could we get into an accident, but we could get into an ugly confrontation or worse. I am terrified in these situations and he knows it, but he continues. I try to drive as often as possible, but I can't see as well at night as I used to, so Jon drives at night or when we're going long distances. With the price of gas and considering the inconvenience and inefficiency, it doesn't make sense to go in separate cars. Do you have any suggestions? -- ON A COLLISION COURSE IN HOUSTON

DEAR ON A COLLISION COURSE: Jon should be told that impeding the flow of traffic is a very dangerous practice. His childish behavior could incite road rage, and it is everyone's responsibility to minimize instances in which road rage can occur.

Contact the Department of Public Safety to get a copy of the Texas Drivers Handbook. That way you can show Jon in black and white that his behavior is not only wrong but dangerous. While some husbands are not receptive to a wife's comments about their driving, most will listen to what a state trooper has to say about good driving practices versus bad ones. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

And one more word of advice: Continue being the driver as often as possible. Your lives could depend on it.

DEAR ABBY: I was discussing with my 26-year-old daughter how parents punish their kids, when suddenly she told me that she hated that I would make her write "lines" when she was growing up. She mentioned that one day I made her do it when her friend was there to play with her. I felt really bad about this and wonder why she is bringing this up now. -- WONDERING DOWN SOUTH

DEAR WONDERING: It came up now because punishment was the topic of conversation, and she flashed back on how humiliating it was to have been punished in front of a friend. Clearly it made an impact -- and it would be interesting to know if the infraction was repeated after that.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently diagnosed as gluten intolerant. My question is, when dining at a restaurant, while everyone else is eating the bread that is served, is it acceptable to discreetly take a few gluten-free crackers from my purse and snack on them so I'm not starving while waiting for dinner?

My husband thought it was inappropriate, so I didn't take them. I did ask the waiter if he had gluten-free bread or crackers, but he didn't. I have many medical issues. I try to eat only what is healthy for me and thought providing my own crackers was a minor deal. What do you think, Abby? -- GLUTEN INTOLERANT IN FLORIDA

DEAR G.I.: It's good that you were diagnosed, because gluten intolerance can cause serious digestive issues. Your husband may have had a bad day when he criticized you, because I see nothing wrong with someone on a restricted diet taking emergency rations in case a restaurant can't accommodate his or her special needs.

Gluten intolerance has gone undiagnosed in many people, but in recent years food manufacturers have created many products that are safe for them to eat. Accommodating a customer who is gluten intolerant shouldn't be an insurmountable problem if the restaurant is asked in advance.

DEAR ABBY: I was standing in front of a restaurant with my mother-in-law and a group of relatives when she "felt up" my back and backside. We were facing the others when she put her hand around my back, first sideways and then all around until she got down to my rear end. It felt like she was searching for something, but the weather was warm and my blouse was very thin, so I couldn't have hidden anything. When she reached my behind, she pressed her thumb hard on my hipbone and rubbed in a circular motion.

I feel extremely violated because her hand should not be anywhere near that region. My husband says I misinterpreted what she did, but he has no explanation. I think her behavior was incestuous! When she visits, she also insists on sleeping in the master bedroom. Am I overreacting? -- VIOLATED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR "VIOLATED": Unless your mother-in-law insists on sleeping between you and her son when she comes to visit, I do think you're overreacting. What she did was give you a back rub. In most families, a gesture like that is one of affection. Lighten up!

DEAR ABBY: I'm planning my son's bar mitzvah, and my ex-husband hasn't lifted a finger to help me. I received two small checks for his portion of the guests who will attend the reception.

My question is, should I put his name on the invitation? Or do I just put my name on it since I'm the one hosting and putting the party together? I want to do the right thing, but I also want it made clear that I did the planning myself. -- MITZVAH MAMA IN NEW YORK

DEAR MITZVAH MAMA: Be benevolent. For the sake of your child, include your ex-husband's name on the invitation. It isn't necessary to omit it so that you can get the credit. All you need to do is confide in one "yenta" that your son's father is a "schnorrer" and word will get around. Trust me.