DEAR ABBY: A few days ago I received a large white envelope from a friend I had been close to in high school. "Jen" returned every letter, card and note I had written to her throughout our four years of school. She thanked me for being a good friend and thought I might like to have them.

I can't tell you how upsetting it was to read how awful I was as a teenager. I was promiscuous, used foul language and made references to experimenting with drugs. It brought back so many terrible memories that I had blocked.

I have been married for 23 years and have three children who would be crushed if they discovered my past. I don't know what to do. The letters are full of history and my innermost feelings. Some passages are humorous and the thoughts of a silly teenager talking to a dear friend. I can't bring myself to throw them away and have hidden them in my hope chest. What should I do with them? -- SECRETS OF THE PAST

DEAR SECRETS: The problem with the written word is that it often outlives the writer. If you don't want your children or grandchildren to remember you through your true confessions, censor them NOW. Unless you're "hoping" your family will discover the letters after you're gone, you should destroy them. However, if they contain memories you would like to keep, copy the passages down and place those in your hope chest.

DEAR ABBY: I was sexually assaulted two years ago by a boy at a party I attended while away at school. I reported the incident to local and campus police, but there wasn't enough evidence to have him arrested. It took me a while to realize I needed help to deal with it. I'm looking for a counselor and hope to volunteer at a rape crisis center after I have gotten the help I need.

I have learned that the man who attacked me is getting married. I don't know his fiancee, but I'm horrified at the thought of this unsuspecting woman marrying a predator. I know if I do nothing, anything that happens to her or their children is on my hands for staying silent. I don't even know if she'd believe me, but I feel I have to try. Some advice, please, Abby. -- ANXIOUS IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANXIOUS: You are not alone. According the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly one in five women report having been raped or suffered an attempted rape in their lifetime. If there is a rape crisis center near you, contact it now and let the counselors there counsel and guide you in your healing. If you approach your predator's fiancee at this point, you probably won't be believed. Not being believed is like being raped twice. So get some professional help before you attempt to reach out to her.

DEAR ABBY: I am very fair-skinned and turn red easily, especially when I'm nervous or embarrassed. It has made me afraid to speak in public or to go to large events where there may be a lot of people. Do you have any advice on how I can get over this? -- BLUSHING EVEN NOW IN PHOENIX

DEAR BLUSHING: What you have described may be a symptom of social phobia, the most common form of an anxiety disorder. There are effective treatments for it, and you can find out more about them by discussing your problem with your physician and/or a psychologist. You might also benefit from attending a phobia support group. The psychologist can help you locate one or more of them in your community.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, "Mandy," was invited to a friend's birthday party along with 12 other girls. They were told to meet at the mall where they'd "go shopping" together, then go for a sleepover afterward.

The birthday girl told her friends to bring money as gifts. Well, she raked in more than $300 then proceeded to spend it all on herself while her friends stood and watched. Mandy returned home the next day and told me that although the girl spent the money on herself, her mom did buy them each a beverage.

Abby, I gave my daughter $20 to go to the party, thinking the money would be for all of their fun -- not the birthday girl's financial gain. I thought your readers might want to learn from my mistake. These days, a birthday party may not be a party at all! -- HORRIFIED IN WICHITA

DEAR HORRIFIED: While this may have been shocking to you, the kind of party you have described may be acceptable to your daughter and her circle of friends. The birthday girl's intentions could have been made more clear -- she requested money as gifts and instructed everyone to meet at the mall. However, they accepted the invitation on her terms. The sleepover may have been the party. I hope they were fed after the mall crawl because they must have been starving.

DEAR ABBY: My dad died unexpectedly last year, three months before my 18th birthday. He had been kicked out of the house a few months prior to that because he was a horrible alcoholic who destroyed everything he ever cared about. He froze to death, alone.

My boyfriend is my soul mate. He has been my only source of support since Dad died. Mom ignores everything and has left me alone to go through all of this, spending my Social Security on vacations we could never have afforded before. My best friend is away at school in a different state and I'm more alone than ever. How am I supposed to survive all this alone? -- ALWAYS ALONE

DEAR ALONE: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your father, who paid the ultimate price for his addiction. You write well and are obviously intelligent. If you're still in school, counseling may be available for you if there is a counselor on staff. Because your mother is emotionally unavailable and your best friend is out of state, your friend's mother might be willing to listen and advise you during this difficult period.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a widow. She says she no longer wants to be addressed as Mrs. because she is not married. I thought that once married you were always a Mrs. unless you choose to be a Ms. Isn't it proper for a widow to be addressed as Mrs.? -- DAUGHTER-IN-LAW IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW: As a widow your mother-in-law can continue to use her married name -- or adopt any name she chooses. If she prefers not to be called Mrs. her wishes should be respected. Some widows prefer to be called "Mrs. John Jones" for the rest of their lives, while others do not. If your mother-in-law prefers "Ms. Betty Jones," that's fine, too. It's a personal choice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18 years old. I play two competitive sports, maintain a 4.0 GPA, have good friends and will be attending the college of my dreams. Yet for some reason I cannot get along with my parents.

It seems like I can't live up to their standards. We get into huge fights every day over insignificant things. My parents continually tell me they don't think I will handle college very well because I "can't get along with people." But their lack of faith just frustrates me and we get into more fights.

In reality, the only people I don't get along with are my parents. This is unsettling to me because next fall I will be across the country from them and I feel they will be happy that I'm gone. I'm at a loss as to what to do to control my temper and fix my relationship with my parents before I leave. Your advice would be appreciated. -- CLIMBING THE WALLS IN CLEVELAND

DEAR CLIMBING THE WALLS: It's possible that your parents may be suffering from separation anxiety. You, their child, are about to leave the nest, and they may be dealing with conflicting feelings of pride in your accomplishments and sadness that you are about to fly from the nest. It may not be a lack of faith in you. Also, they may be having second thoughts about how they can afford the tuition and other college expenses beyond possible financial aid.

Whatever their reasons are, you need some tools to help you stay calm and not fly off the handle when your buttons are pushed -- regardless of who is pressing them. In my booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," I offer suggestions that will help you gain control of your emotions so that you will lose your temper less often. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Anger is a normal emotion. There are probably no human beings who don't experience anger at one time or another. However, it's important that you learn some techniques to handle your emotional reactions more constructively than you have been. Not only will these techniques help you with your parents now, but also they will help you when you're away at college adjusting to new people and new situations.

Remember, the average person may become irritated, angry or frustrated several times a day. The key is to deal with these emotions effectively. Talk to your parents about your feelings and explore what's going on. By focusing on what is triggering your negative emotions instead of reacting with an outburst, you can not only defuse your anger but also retain your dignity, and possibly achieve a more informed understanding of how your parents may really feel. I hope that the outcome will be a rapprochement with your parents.