DEAR ABBY: I am an educated woman in my late 20s. I have been married for several years to a wonderful man, and we were recently blessed with our first child.

Since our wedding, my relationship with my mother-in-law has been an evolving one. Since the inception of "Desperate Housewives" on TV, she seems to believe she's a character on the show. She trots around in revealing clothing looking like a streetwalker. She spends most of her time gossiping with her newfound buddies who are half her age, and who seem to delight in dressing her up to make her the talk of the town.

As a little girl, when I dreamed of how my life would be as a married woman, it was never like this. My dreams never included a MIL who enjoys seeing people look at her in disbelief as she struts across the room. I don't want this to be an example for my daughter. Confronting her doesn't work -- she responds with guilt and mockery. In other words, she always wins. I'm at a loss and have given up trying to figure her out. Please help. -- DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE

DEAR DESPERATE: As an educated woman, it's time for you to smarten up and accept your mother-in-law for the "character" she is -- warts and all. You were wrong to expect her to fulfill the fantasy role you created for her. She's not ready to do it -- and she may never be.

The way she dresses will not influence your daughter; you will do that. Your mother-in-law's attire is a reflection only on her, not you. Remember that. If she is so youthful in spirit that she has been accepted by a younger group of women, stop judging her and perhaps even learn from it. She's not over the hill yet. So stop trying to push her there, and you'll both be happier.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Joe," and I have been married for 12 years. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and he has a son from a previous relationship. My daughter is married and lives in another state.

My 22-year-old stepson, "Junior," lives with us. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and has stolen from us. I recently discovered that another item of mine was missing. I told Joe it has to stop -- that I can't live like a prisoner in my own home. Joe will not kick Junior out of the house. Joe said he would leave, but that he won't put Junior out on the street like a dog.

Our marriage was solid until Junior's problems started a year ago. I'd never ask my husband to make a choice. Junior is his son. I, on the other hand, feel like a stranger in my own home. We barely speak now and have been sleeping in separate rooms. I am at a loss. Abby, have you any advice? -- STRANGER IN MY OWN HOME

DEAR STRANGER: Yes. You and your husband should consult a therapist who specializes in treating addictions. Your husband loves his son, but he is enabling him to continue using by turning a blind eye to his stealing and not enforcing consequences. Sometimes love has to be tough. Because your marriage has deteriorated to the point that you no longer speak or share a bedroom, recognize that you must look out for your own welfare because your husband seems unwilling or unable to.

DEAR ABBY: I am 35 and my husband is 45. When we met, he weighed 375 pounds. He has now hit the 600-pound mark. I have five kids, a full-time job and go to school two nights a week. He talks about losing weight, but it's easier to talk about than actually do. He was in a car accident that left him with back problems, and on top of that he has bad knees from sports.

The future doesn't look promising. I know that one day he'll be confined to bed -- I predict in the very near future -- and I will have to drop everything to take care of him. He is already dependent on me and the older kids to take care of him because he's in pain all the time and can't physically do anything. He doesn't have insurance.

If I didn't have a family to take care of, it might not be as big of an issue. This is very depressing. I am thinking of seeing a counselor. He has already told me that he won't go. Your input would be greatly appreciated. -- WIFE OF A BIG MAN

DEAR WIFE: Talk to a counselor right away. Unless you do something now, you will be unemployed and homebound with a sick husband and five dependent children. Who enabled your helpless husband to gain all the weight?

His life depends upon him being on a strict, sensible nutrition regimen. Because he has no insurance, a self-help group could be a lifesaver. Overeaters Anonymous may be able to give you some guidance and offer him emotional support. There are chapters nationwide, as near as your phone book, or contact them online at www.oa.org.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Frank," and I have been together for four months. I'm 21 and he's 31. He was married before. This is my first serious relationship.

Sometimes we get into heated arguments because he's ready to "plan for the future" while I just want to go with the flow. He thinks I don't take our relationship seriously because I'm not ready to move in with him, get married or start a family yet. When I explain that I would love for all of that to happen -- eventually -- Frank says it seems more like a friendship than a relationship. That really hurts me, because I'm trying.

These arguments over my lack of "seriousness" are killing me. They started two months into the relationship. I feel pressured. If the pressure continues, I'm feeling like we may not be able to be together. I need your advice, please. -- DOING THE BEST I CAN IN BOSTON

DEAR DOING THE BEST YOU CAN: You are a smart young woman with excellent instincts. Trust them. You feel pressured because you are being pressured. In fact, you're being given the full-court press.

Pushing for a quick involvement/commitment is one of the warning signs of an abuser. Ask yourself, What's the rush? Find out the reasons why his marriage failed. Stand your ground and don't allow yourself to be pushed into anything you are not completely comfortable with. And if it persists, end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I'm seeing a counselor for my anxiety, and it bothers me that he yawns throughout each consultation. He sometimes apologizes for it, though. Is this inappropriate behavior for a therapist? -- MIFFED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MIFFED: Unless your counselor is starved for oxygen or burning the candle at both ends, yes, it is. And because it is distracting to you during your sessions, tell him if it doesn't stop, you will have to find another counselor.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay woman. My partner, "Jenny," and I have been friends with another couple for 15 years. Over the last year I have come to realize that I no longer want to be friends with them. One of them has been particularly unkind to me, and frankly, we don't have a lot in common.

Jenny is uncomfortable with my decision and wants me to talk to them to discuss my feelings. They have already asked her if there's a problem. If I talk to them, I'm sure they will be offended by what I have to say because I didn't say anything when the issues first arose. I'm not good at confrontation, and it's hard for me to tell someone my feelings are hurt.

The bottom line is, I want out of this couple's friendship. But I need to do it in a way that's OK with Jen. I met the couple through her, and she wants to continue her friendship with them. Please help. -- MOVING ON IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOVING ON: It would not be confrontational to tell them that while you have known each other for a long time, you feel you have grown apart. You should also mention that your feelings were hurt when one of them said "( )." At least that way they will understand why you have disappeared, and Jenny won't be left with the responsibility of explaining it to them.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I recently received a wedding invitation from a friend of his from high school. Our wedding is not far away, and I have an etiquette question.

Although it wasn't stated on the invitation where the bride and groom were registered, a Facebook message was sent after our invitation arrived in the mail. It said, "In lieu of gifts, people can donate monetarily to the couple" -- by check or cash the day of the wedding, or via a Paypal account they have set up.

I'm confused. I grew up (and still live in) the South, and this doesn't seem like a traditional approach to gift-giving. Isn't it considered inappropriate to ask for money? -- MYSTIFIED BRIDE IN ALABAMA

DEAR MYSTIFIED: Yes, it is. To solicit money the way that couple did is crude. An acceptable way to get the word out about the type of gifts couples prefer is by word of mouth. Guests usually ask if a couple is registered and where, and when the question is raised, it's all right to tell them. If you have created a wedding website, the information can be included on it; however, it shouldn't be so blatant that it appears gifts are uppermost in your mind.

When couples prefer a gift of money, the proper way the information should be conveyed is verbally by your family or friends, but not by you.

DEAR ABBY: I love the holiday season, but I often feel the blues and get a little depressed. I lost my father on Christmas Day several years ago and have since lost a brother to cancer. I'm tired of feeling this way when this is the season to be merry. What can I do? -- ANOTHER BLUE CHRISTMAS IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR BLUE: I am sorry for your losses. Because of your father's death on Christmas Day, it may always bring some sense of loss. However, an effective way to distract yourself would be to spend time in the company of friends who understand your feelings. Another would be to volunteer at a senior center, shelter or food distribution program. Helping someone else through a difficult time is the surest cure for the blues. Please give it a try.