DEAR ABBY: Every year across the United States and around the world, families must deal with the holiday season after the unthinkable has happened -- the death of a precious child.

In response to the need for grieving families to have one special day during the difficult holidays to remember, honor and reflect on the lives of these children who have died -- at any age and from any cause -- The Compassionate Friends, a national self-help support organization for families grieving the death of a child, created the Worldwide Candle Lighting. It is held the second Sunday of each December and is now in its 15th year. The event officially takes place at 7 p.m. local time for one hour and continues to grow larger every year.

The Compassionate Friends invites your readers to attend a service Dec. 11, to honor the lives of these children, or to light a remembrance candle at 7 p.m., wherever they may be, whether alone or with friends and family. They are also invited to visit The Compassionate Friends national website on the day of the Worldwide Candle Lighting and post a remembrance message in our online memory book. We do this so that their light may always shine, Abby. Thank you for spreading the message. -- PATRICIA LODER, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS/USA

DEAR PATRICIA: You're welcome. The holidays are an emotionally loaded time of year for many people. For families suffering from the loss of a child, it can be even more so. Thank you for the support you offer them.

Readers, on Dec. 11, services open to the public will be held throughout the day in hundreds of locations across the U.S., as well as in about two dozen countries around the world.

Services will be held by many of the Compassionate Friends' 630 U.S. chapters, as well as allied organizations, community groups, churches and houses of worship, funeral homes, children's memorial gardens, hospices, schools, cemeteries -- even community centers. To locate the nearest service and find out more information, you should visit www.compassionatefriends.org or call 877-969-0010.

DEAR ABBY: I moved out of my parents' house and have been working full time and supporting myself for three years. I love my life as a young adult.

This past year, my younger sister "Nicole" has been saying she wants to move in with me so she can get out of our parents' house and be closer to me. She earns twice as much as I do, and can easily afford her own place. I have not encouraged her because I enjoy living by myself.

Nicole and our parents are now accusing me of being a terrible sister and friend to her. She has been depressed, gone into therapy and has been cutting herself. I want to support my sister in any way I can, but I don't think her living with me will be the solution to her many problems. I don't want to cause a rift in the family, but I also don't want to be guilted into letting her move in. What should I do? -- ON MY OWN IN DENVER

DEAR ON YOUR OWN: Because your sister's depression is so severe that she's cutting herself, you are right in thinking her living with you won't be the solution to her problems. That she realizes she needs professional help and is getting it is a step in the right direction. You should not have your sister move in until and unless you have discussed it with her and her therapist and are satisfied it will be beneficial for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old girl who has a problem with my mom. Once a week we clean the house, which is fairly large. Even when I do a good job on every room my mom never says, "Nice job," "Good work," or even a simple "Thanks." It hurts my feelings because I thank her for all the things she does for me. Am I wrong to want or expect compliments in return? -- NEVER THANKED IN OREGON

DEAR NEVER THANKED: No, you're not wrong. I don't know anyone of any age who doesn't crave positive reinforcement. Have you mentioned to your mother how this makes you feel? Because if you haven't, you're expressing your disappointment to the wrong person.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and my parents have decided they want to have another kid. Shouldn't parents talk to their other children about this? None of us were asked for our opinion -- we were just informed.

Mom has had health problems almost my entire life, so I had to grow up extremely fast. I watched her have a seizure while we were out shopping, and she was often in the hospital. I don't want another child to go through this, too.

When I say something I'm told I'm being selfish and rude. This new baby is already loved more because my dad hopes she will be better than me. Am I wrong to feel this is unfair? -- UNHAPPY TEEN IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNHAPPY TEEN: Fairness may not enter into it at all. The reason you and your siblings were not asked for input about your mother having another child may be that the baby was as much a surprise to your parents as it is to all of you. Your complaining won't improve the situation, which may be why you've been told you need an attitude adjustment.

You say you grew up extremely fast. Well, it's time to accelerate the process even more. This isn't a competition for your parents' love. I'm sure they love all of you and they'd show it if you stopped being self-centered. Please give it some thought.

DEAR ABBY: Every year we send a holiday letter along with our greeting cards. The letter usually highlights events of immediate family members from the past year. This year there is a problem.

Our 22-year-old son, "Dexter," is in jail on burglary charges related to a drug problem. Many of our friends and relatives already know about this, but others are not aware.

Our son's siblings are doing well and we like to report on their activities. However, we are confused concerning Dexter. We really cannot send the holiday letter and leave him out, but neither can we fabricate a story concerning his status. Telling the truth would be informational but also awkward. We would appreciate your advice. -- HOLIDAY LETTER WRITER

DEAR LETTER WRITER: Write the letter as you usually would, and when you get to your incarcerated son, say: "Dexter has taken some time to rethink his future. He sends you all his love." You do not have to go into any more detail or belabor the point.

DEAR ABBY: A while back I told my family I was considering downsizing my life and made the big mistake of telling them I want them to eventually have my house. I also revealed the contents of my will. Now I feel exposed, uncomfortable and vulnerable -- possibly even a bit paranoid that they might want to have me "six feet under" sooner than I should be.

I don't think I am ready to move yet, but I have gotten my family's hopes up. I did talk to one of them and felt reassured at the time, but I still sense that there's a change in how they perceive me and all of our futures now.

How can I undo the damage, knowing I have to make sure I have enough money to live on as well as provide for them when I'm gone? -- FOOT-IN-MOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR F-IN-M: Two of the most sensitive subjects to discuss are death and money, and you deserve praise for having started the conversation. I disagree that making your intentions known instead of having them transmitted during a reading of your will was a mistake. Because you feel there may have been a misunderstanding, call a family meeting and clarify your message. Tell them your health is great, you have no plans to move in the near future and plan to live a long and happy life.

DEAR ABBY: My mother lives in an assisted living community in the memory care unit. During a recent visit, I became upset because the care staff addressed my mom as "Granny," "Grandma," "Mamma," etc. Mother struggles with the time of day, the day of the week and sometimes forgets who we are -- so I don't see the benefit of using names other than her own. I think it is disrespectful, unacceptable and unprofessional.

When I asked the attendant to please address Mom as "Mrs. Smith" or "Ms. Ann," she laughed and said, "Granny wouldn't know who I was talking to if I called her by those names." My siblings and I took this issue to the director, who told us we shouldn't be hurt and that the staff was showing our mom she is loved.

I am interested in knowing your opinion on this matter. -- SHE HAS A NAME IN GEORGIA

DEAR SHE HAS A NAME: Not knowing the national origin of the attendants in your mother's care unit I can't be certain, but what you encountered may be a cultural difference. In other cultures, calling someone "Mama," "Auntie" or "Grandma" is considered respectful. While it made you uncomfortable, if it didn't have that effect on your mother, you should take your cue from the director of the facility. However, because you have formally requested that your mother be addressed by name, then that is what should be done in the future.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I are out together, he strides out ahead of me and calls back, "Catch up!" or "Keep up!" I am not creeping along but walking at my own (reasonable) pace. I think he should either slow down or let me walk behind him and not expect me to run after him at his command. What do you think? -- LIKES TO SMELL THE ROSES IN TENNESSEE

DEAR LIKES TO SMELL THE ROSES: Unless your husband is a Marine drill sergeant, I think you're right.