DEAR ABBY: Late last winter, a sheriff called to tell me that my daughter "Amy" had been found standing, bruised and battered, on a street corner in upstate New York. Her arm had been broken. He was convinced that the man she was living with had beaten her and kicked her outside to freeze. Her sister (my other daughter) paid to put her up in a hotel for the night.
My husband and I were convinced early on in this relationship that this monster was determined to have us support him financially, because he would leave us long, threatening messages demanding money, or else our daughter would be "homeless."
Amy moved back in with him, and I heard from her sister that the creep was bringing other women home for sex. It raised my hopes that Amy would give up on him. Instead, she became pregnant.
Now Amy is hurt that I don't call her and share in this exciting event. When I try to explain how I feel, she tells me, "It's not about you, Mom." She's right. It's about the baby. I am ashamed to not be able to change this baby's future. What can I do? -- PARALYZED WITH FEAR OUT WEST
DEAR PARALYZED: Make every effort to prevent your daughter and grandchild from becoming isolated from your family. Some abusers deliberately impregnate their victims in order to keep them dependent. Keep the contact and the conversation going, so that when Amy finally realizes that her boyfriend is a danger not only to her but also to her baby, she can come to you for help.