DEAR ABBY: Whenever I receive a business communication from someone unknown to me with my first name in the salutation, as in "Dear Robert," it immediately goes into the trash.

Being addressed by my first name in this context is just plain wrong. Since I don't know the person who is sending the correspondence, I find the informal tone to be highly improper.

Please remind your readers -- particularly those in business -- about your booklet on correspondence and communication, "How to Write Letters for All Occasions."

I have been accused of being "old school." However, there are rules and guidelines governing written communication, and it seems as though they are being ignored. Would you please inform people about the proper way to write? And is your "Letters" booklet still available? -- CALL ME "MISTER C.," SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR MISTER C.: I hope that by the time this email sees print, you will have cooled off. The communications that offend you probably were sent as part of a mass mailing generated by a computer. If that isn't the case, then the individuals who drafted them may not have realized that in business correspondence, the salutation should read:

Dear Ms. Smith

Dear Mr. Carson

The "Letters" booklet is still available and covers additional salutations that are helpful to know, including how to address a senator or congressman, a clergyperson, etc. "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" can be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. My booklet also contains helpful suggestions for writing letters of congratulations; difficult topics to address such as letters of condolence for the loss of a parent, spouse or child; and thank-you letters for birthday gifts, shower gifts, wedding gifts and those that arrive at holiday time. (A tip: Keep a notepad handy and write down what immediately comes to mind when the gift is opened. This can be helpful if later you are at a loss for words!)

Judging from the high volume of email and snail mail I receive, letter composition is something that is not always effectively taught in school. My booklet can provide a helpful assist for anyone who needs a quick and easy tutorial, and it is particularly helpful for parents to use as a way to easily teach their children how to write using proper etiquette. Keep it in a drawer and dip into it as needed.

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DEAR ABBY: I am 8 years old. At the bottom of a letter, sometimes people write XOXO. Which one means hug and which one means kiss? -- ANNA IN MISSOURI

DEAR ANNA: The "X" means kiss and the "O" signifies a hug.

P.S. Some people write "SWAK" on the flap of the envelope, which stands for "sealed with a kiss."

DEAR ABBY: I have been battling breast cancer and have been blessed to have a lot of support from family, friends and some awesome medical providers. My husband's best friend and his wife socialize with us quite often, and the friendship is important to him. I recently celebrated a birthday and these friends had us over for a belated birthday dinner. They bought me beautiful flowers and a gift. The card attached made a joke about my "aging breasts," which she found quite funny.

Abby, I had a mastectomy, which she knew about! To make matters worse, my hair has just started to grow back from the chemo, so I decided to have some highlights put in, and she told me she didn't like my new hair.

I am hurt and dumbfounded by her insensitive behavior. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time she has said things like this. How do I tell her I'm offended by her rudeness without compromising my husband's friendship with them? -- HARRIED FRIEND

DEAR HARRIED FRIEND: You nailed it. The woman is insensitive -- but you said she has also made tasteless comments in the past. For the sake of the friendship between your husbands, tune her out and spend less time with her one-on-one. It's OK to tell her that her joke about your "aging breasts" hurt your feelings in light of your mastectomy, and that as your hair is growing back you thought you'd like to try something "different." However, if you use the word "offended" she'll probably become defensive, so avoid that word.

A final thought: Most people are terrified of cancer. People sometimes try to make jokes about things that make them uncomfortable in an effort to diffuse those feelings. This may be the reason the woman tried to joke about it, so don't let it cause you to carry a grudge.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently reconciled with my girlfriend of six years, "Molly." It has been five months since our last fallout and longest breakup. While we were apart, a woman I knew through my business made it clear that she was interested in me. One thing led to another and "Tish" and I slept together. Now she's pregnant.

I'm happy to be back with Molly now, but have been contacted recently by Tish with proof of the pregnancy. I'm afraid Molly will leave me if she knows about it. She's the woman of my dreams and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Help, please. -- IT'S COMPLICATED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IT'S COMPLICATED: I'll try. Talk to Molly about this and consult an attorney. Molly should not hold against you something that happened while you were separated. Whether the child is yours can be determined by a paternity test. If it is yours, you will be responsible for providing child support until he or she is an adult and emotional support well beyond. If Molly is, indeed, the woman of your dreams, she'll stand beside you. If not, you are better off without her.

And in the future, please use birth control, so you can plan the number of offspring you bring into this world.

DEAR ABBY: I work as a mattress salesperson. Often when I tell my senior customers about the 10-year warranty on a bed, they'll reply, "Oh, I doubt I'll be around that long."

At that point I'm usually at a loss for words. Any suggestions as to an appropriate response? -- SPEECHLESS IN SUFFERN, N.Y.

DEAR SPEECHLESS: Smile and say, "Then be sure to include the mattress in your will."

DEAR ABBY: Sept. 11 was the 10th birthday of our neighbors' little girl, "Megan." At church that day there was a lovely memorial prayer for the victims of 9/11, but no mention of Megan's birthday among the other special occasions of the week.

Megan's family went to the cemetery, put flowers on the memorial there and then went home. There was no party or cake for Megan. When I took over a card and a small gift, her mom thanked me but said the day was too sad for Megan to celebrate her birthday. She said they had never done so, not even on an alternate date.

I don't know this family very well. They're new to the neighborhood. But I was flabbergasted that they would act this way. When I asked about the birthdays of the other family members, I was told that since none of them fall on a "bad day" they are celebrated with parties, gifts and everything. Megan was allowed to accept my gift and thanked me, but her mom made it clear this was to be an exception to the rule. Abby, what gives? -- COMPLETELY BAFFLED IN WYOMING

DEAR COMPLETELY BAFFLED: I have no idea. That family's behavior is bizarre. What could possibly be gained by punishing a child for being born on a particular day? What you have described isn't respect for a day that was tragic for our country; it is cruelty to an innocent child.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I disagree about what we should do on our date nights away from our daughters. She's nine years younger than I am.

I don't feel comfortable going to dance clubs. I don't like crowds, fighting to get the bartender's attention for a drink or dancing with 25-year-olds.

I'd prefer listening to live music, staying home and enjoying an empty house or going somewhere quiet for dinner. My wife thinks what I like is "boring" and this is creating issues in our marriage.

I want her to be happy and for both of us to enjoy each other's company. We're having a difficult time finding a compromise. I feel like I'll never live up to her standards of what's fun and entertaining. Any suggestions? -- DATE NIGHT DILEMMA IN CHICAGO

DEAR DILEMMA: Yes, two of them. The first is to take turns choosing what you'll do on your date nights, so that you both have some of what you want. The second is to find some new activities you can enjoy as a couple. Shared interests will help you grow together.

DEAR ABBY: A woman at work is having a baby. I didn't get around to contributing to her group gift. I also didn't sign the card or mention my omission at the time of the baby shower.

A few days later I received a thank-you note. The mother-to-be obviously assumed I contributed. Money is extremely tight right now. Saving the $20 I was going to spend will help my budget. I don't think anyone picked up on my faux pas. Should I keep quiet? -- CONFLICTED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CONFLICTED: You didn't commit a faux pas; you chose to abstain. I see no reason to announce that you didn't participate in the baby gift. Not contributing because it would have caused financial strain wasn't a breach of etiquette; it was prudent. If your name wasn't on the gift card, you misled no one.