DEAR ABBY: Our neighbor's son, "Donny," has become a regular fixture in our home. His parents divorced years ago, and his father is terminally ill.

Donny has "adopted" me as a father figure. We have spent a great deal of time together. Not having a son -- I have daughters -- I admit that being with him is a novelty.

My wife, on the other hand, feels no one should "infiltrate" her family. There are few boys in our neighborhood, and Donny isn't old enough to venture to other streets in search of playmates. I can't bring myself to turn him away knowing how lonely he is and how difficult his life will become. I worry that he's a prime candidate for a predator, or that he could start drinking or smoking at an early age. I'd rather have him in our house where I know he's safe.

My wife says we can't save everyone, and I know that. But when I hear about the bad things that happen to kids on the news, it makes me wonder where was someone who could have helped them.

How can I get my wife to see this is a chance to make a difference in this boy's life, and that he's no threat to our family unit? -- FRIEND OF A LONELY CHILD

DEAR FRIEND: Your wife appears to be responding to Donny on an emotional rather than a rational level. Because she didn't "produce" a son, she views the time or emotional nourishment that you give Donny as something being taken away from her daughters. That's sad.

It's possible that a religious adviser could help her to view this differently, but if she can't find sympathy in her heart for the boy, then I recommend you talk to Donny's mother about finding a Big Brother for him, through her religious denomination.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son, "Victor," is hearing-impaired. He wears hearing aids in both ears. The aids are small and not easily seen.

Recently we were in a new doctor's office, and the nurse was talking to my son but looking in another direction. When I explained that Victor is hearing-impaired and couldn't hear her, she replied, "Oh, I know teenagers -- selective hearing." I said, "No, he is hearing-impaired and wears hearing aids."

The same thing happened at summer camp. My husband said Victor has a hearing problem, and the counselor responded with, "So I need to smack him on the side of his head to get him to listen?"

Please inform your readers that hearing aids aren't just for older people. My son has informed people he wears hearing aids because he can't hear well, and he still gets the same smart-alecky retorts. Have you any suggestions? -- NOT BEING FLIPPANT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NOT BEING FLIPPANT: Oh, yes. The nurse in your doctor's office was tactless. If she didn't apologize for her comment, you should have mentioned it to the doctor so he could educate her not only about hearing loss, but also about diplomacy. As to the ignorant camp counselor, your husband should have immediately reported it to the camp director.

After reading your letter, I consulted Dr. Rick Friedman at the House Ear Clinic in Los Angeles, who told me that approximately one in 2,000 children is born with hearing problems. (There is a genetic component, and hearing problems can run in families.) Being subjected to loud noises can also have a negative impact on hearing, and Dr. Friedman said studies are being conducted to determine to what extent.

DEAR ABBY: Over the past five years, family gatherings have become increasingly stressful. When they come here, my nieces don't control their young children. Last year after everyone left, I sat down and cried! The mess was horrific, and the damage to my house and yard was dumbfounding. What's worse is they didn't seem to care.

I'm dreading this holiday season. I have refused to host anymore and my husband supports my decision. But I feel bad for my parents. They are in their 70s and have always had pride in their family.

As our family has branched out, respect has gone completely out the window. Last Thanksgiving we were all on our own. We always invite my parents, but they decline because they don't want to hurt any feelings. We have told them it doesn't matter who they're with, as long as they celebrate with one of us.

I feel like I'm being punished for not having the whole family at my house. If it weren't for my daughter, we would leave during the holidays to avoid the dissension. How do I deal with my feelings and live with myself? I don't understand the disrespect in the young generation. If you say anything about a child's behavior, you are verbally abused and made an outcast. -- GIVING UP IN TEXAS

DEAR GIVING UP: I'm glad you wrote, because you're blaming the wrong people. The disrespect you have described is a direct result of children not having been taught how to behave by their ineffective parents, and because there have been no consequences for bad behavior.

If you are asked why there will be no celebrations at your house this year, tell the questioner it's because you can no longer handle the mess and the damage. It's the truth. And PLEASE don't feel guilty for doing so.

As to your parents, please understand that staying home is THEIR choice. They may prefer to celebrate -- or not -- by themselves. It has no reflection on you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old single mom of 16-month-old twins and in the midst of a career change. I will be entering the legal profession. Some people have told me that courts and lawyers tend to be "conservative" and may frown on single mothers.

My question is, should I wear a ring on my left hand without saying anything about my marital status? Of course, if asked directly, I will say I am not married. But would simply wearing a ring on the third finger of my left hand (perhaps my boys' birthstone?) be considered disingenuous or dishonest? -- PUT A RING ON IT? IN NEBRASKA

DEAR PUT A RING ON IT?: Because of advances in the field of reproductive medicine, women both married and single have been able to safely have children at later ages. However, one of the interesting things about motherhood is that no one can tell by looking who is -- or isn't -- one. Unless you walk into court and announce that you are a single mother, your personal life should not be a distraction to anyone, whether the person is conservative or liberal. There is no disgrace in being a single parent if you can afford to feed and educate the children you have, so stop worrying you'll be labeled with a scarlet letter.

P.S. I see no reason to "put a ring on it" if it's a lie.

DEAR ABBY: Twenty-four years ago, the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC) and Energizer spotted a disturbing trend. Many fatalities were taking place in homes without working smoke alarms. In response, the "Change Your Clock Change Your Battery" campaign was developed to remind people to test and change their smoke alarm batteries each fall when they turn back their clocks at the end of daylight saving time.

According to the National Fire Protection Association, while 96 percent of American homes have at least one smoke alarm, 19 percent do not have at least one that works! The reason? Missing or dead batteries.

Please remind your readers that when they set their clocks back on Nov. 6, to use the extra hour they gain to change and test the batteries in their smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors.

It is recommended that smoke alarms be replaced every 10 years and be a mix of both ionization and photoelectric alarms to warn against all types of fires. They are the best defense against the devastating effects of a home fire.

Thank you, Abby, for once again joining me in spreading this lifesaving message. -- CHIEF AL GILLESPIE, IAFC PRESIDENT

DEAR AL: Just call me Old Faithful -- I'm glad to help.

Readers, this year the IAFC is encouraging families -- especially moms who understand what it means to be a family's first responder when it comes to family emergencies -- to visit www.facebook.com/energizerbunny and take the pledge to change the batteries in your smoke alarms when changing your clocks.

No one should be hurt or lose a life because of a non-working smoke alarm, yet nearly 3,000 people die each year in home fires. A working smoke alarm will provide extra precious seconds for you and your family to get out safely.

DEAR ABBY: Because I love the out-of-doors, I volunteered to prepare my boyfriend's duck boat for the hunting season. I sanded, primed and detailed the boat and painted cattails on the sides. I bought seats, hardware, even made a full camouflage duck blind on my sewing machine.

My boyfriend is elated and even more excited that I intend to hunt with him. His buddy is not. He has backed out of the hunting trips and refuses to talk to me about the issue.

Should I tell my boyfriend I have changed my mind and save their friendship, or go with him and reward myself for all my hard work? -- AMBUSHED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR AMBUSHED: Do not back out. The person your boyfriend's buddy should be talking to isn't you, it's your boyfriend. His behavior is selfish and childish. A compromise might be in order, but it won't happen unless "the boys" arrange it between themselves. So stay out of the line of fire.

DEAR ABBY: There are people in my life who do not bring me joy -- just drama and petty backstabbing. How do I tactfully remove myself from an individual or group of people? I run into them all the time at business events and restaurants in our small city. -- AT ARM'S LENGTH IN IOWA

DEAR AT ARM'S LENGTH: Unless you're planning on moving to a cave in the Himalayas, there is no way you can completely avoid them. When you see them be friendly, speak in generalities, give them as little information as possible and move on when they start to gossip. It works like a charm.