DEAR ABBY: Years ago, I placed my daughter for adoption. The circumstances that led me to make the decision were compelling. After 18 years, I was surprised and elated to hear from her. She's 23, has a child of her own and is engaged to be married. I tried to maintain communication, but she stopped corresponding.
After a period of not wanting to talk, she is now trying to get back in touch with me and her siblings. We're unsure what to think about this and questioning her motives. Does she truly want us to be involved with her and her daughter? Or is this a way to get gifts for her child and her upcoming wedding?
I would like to discuss this with her, but I'm hesitant for fear of losing her again. I always wanted a relationship with my daughter. I'm confused and afraid of being hurt again. What can I do? -- BIRTH MOM IN WISCONSIN
DEAR BIRTH MOM: By all means have a discussion with your daughter, but do it in reference to the fact that you were puzzled and hurt when she suddenly ceased communication with you. Let her explain what led to it. She may have been dealing with mixed emotions, which seems logical to me.
Because you want a relationship with her, you may have to accept that it will proceed in fits and starts -- and may not blossom the way you might wish it to. You'll know more as you get to know her better.