DEAR ABBY: "Unsure Out West" (July 26) felt inadequate because she had no upbeat messages to send to her friends on Facebook. Please tell her she's not alone.

I attended a prestigious college, but 35 years later I also find myself with no job, in debt, battling depression and dealing with a host of phobias. I read the school's quarterly magazine and see my peers have great jobs, travel extensively and are happily married. I once sent in "news" that not everyone is so lucky and that I am neither successful nor wealthy. Needless to say, it wasn't published.

When my FB friends ask how I am, I reply that it's a difficult question to answer. I then ask about them and let them know I'm glad they're doing well. And when times get bad, I know I can deactivate my Facebook account until I feel better. -- UNDERSTANDING "FRIEND" IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR "FRIEND": Thank you for writing to support "Unsure." Many people identified with her feelings. My newspaper readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: As a recovering survivor of severe childhood trauma, I can relate to "Unsure's" situation. I have college degrees, am married to a wonderful man and have two grown children. All my energy went into recovering from what happened to me.

For years I felt ashamed that I hadn't lived up to my potential, but it takes courage to recover from abuse or addiction. People who understand this view individuals like "Unsure" and me as successes in the things that really matter.

She should be honest, and as discreet as she wishes. When I have opened up, others have learned the realities of recovery and seen me as proof that it's possible. Too many suffer in silence. They need to know others have sought help and are healing.

I reconnected with a popular, successful high school friend over the Internet and discovered that her adult path was similar to mine. We have been a source of support and encouragement to each other ever since. -- WENDY IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: While everyone brags about their kids, careers and wonderful lives, don't forget that they too have put a "spin" on things. Nobody's life is perfect. We've all had our share of hardships.

I have been in "Unsure's" shoes for several years (minus the great hubby), but Facebook has given me confidence and enabled me to meet people who share my interests. Accept yourself for who you are. You don't have to hide the truth. Problems with alcohol or depression do not define you. -- AMANDA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: "Unsure" should get rid of her Facebook page. If she doesn't, she'll continue reading about the lives of her old acquaintances and feel bad about hers.

I'm 19 -- never had a FB page and never will. Friends have fought over rumors spread there, and I've seen their self-esteem suffer because of the entries and comments of others. Since she has a history of depression, it would be healthier to focus on the positives in her life and eliminate something that makes her feel negatively. -- K.V. IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was well-liked, active and graduated with honors. After college I became sick with a debilitating chronic illness that leaves me mostly homebound. When an old friend reaches out on Facebook, I ask how she's doing, we discuss common interests and I reveal my health struggles. If she wants to know more, she'll ask.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a friend I hadn't been in touch with for 17 years until Facebook reunited us. She accepted my limitations and showed incredible compassion and empathy. We caught up on mutual friends, hobbies and my health. While not everyone will respond that way, it's worth finding those who will. -- EMILY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Carmen" for a few years, but in the last year she has started becoming violent when we are having an argument. I think this is domestic abuse, but she claims it isn't because I'm a man.

I'm not someone who can take abuse without repercussions. I'm like a mirror. If someone brings violence into my life, I reflect it back on them. So far, I have restrained my instincts -- but eventually I know Carmen will cross the line and I'm going to snap. I have the potential to hurt her badly.

I have tried everything to make Carmen understand how I feel, but she continues to insist it doesn't matter because I'm so much bigger and stronger than she is. When she hits me, it doesn't hurt physically, but the anger I feel is indescribable. I'm at the end of my rope and considering breaking up with her before I hurt her.

I don't want to end the relationship, but I think it's the only way to make her see things from my perspective. Or should I call the cops the next time she hits me? -- BRUISED AND ABUSED BOYFRIEND

DEAR BRUISED AND ABUSED: You may not want to, but it's time to end the relationship before something happens you both regret. Your relationship with Carmen isn't a healthy one. You will land in jail if you respond the way it appears she wants you to.

Please think ahead -- if Carmen resorts to violence when she becomes upset with you, then she very likely will with any children you would have together. She may think her abusive behavior is normal because this was the environment in which she was raised. But we both know it's not -- it's a huge red flag. Run!

DEAR ABBY: I have been a holistic health-care and healing practitioner for 10 years. I love my work and being in a helping profession. I'm the one who is always there for everyone who needs help. A good portion of my work is as a counselor, teacher and shoulder to cry on.

My problem? I'm lonely. I have multiple health issues and struggle with money. I need someone to talk with about me and how I'm feeling. Whenever I find a counselor, member of the clergy, teacher, etc., I end up being the counselor, teacher, listener, whatever.

Living in a small town, it's almost impossible to find anyone who doesn't know me or my family. I went to a minister and ended up taking him to an AA meeting. I went to a counselor at a nearby university; she began asking me for advice about her health. I'm hesitant to try to find someone online.

I'm not looking for a lover or an "adventure" -- just someone to talk with. My batteries are constantly being drained and opportunities to recharge are few and far between. I'm not asking for much, just someone to be there for me the way I am for many others.

I tried talking with my wife about this, but she's so emotionally insecure that even thinking I want someone else to talk with upsets her. Please help me. -- LONELY IN A CROWD

DEAR LONELY: It's not uncommon for therapists to suffer the kind of burnout you have described. They often deal with it by trading services with another therapist because talking about feelings -- as you well know -- can often relieve them. What you should do is contact the association of holistic and/or integrative medical professionals in your state and inquire about this kind of opportunity for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend, "Angie," who lost her father to suicide several years ago. Whenever life throws her a curveball, she talks about "ending it all." This bothers me tremendously because I went through the heartache and distress with her when her father took his life.

Angie has a loving family -- mother, sister, beautiful children and a boyfriend. I, on the other hand, am completely alone, yet I muddle along without threatening suicide at every bump in life.

How can I get my friend to stop and realize how lucky she is to have such a wonderful support system when there are those of us who have no one -- yet we find the strength to carry on? -- NOT GIVING UP IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR NOT GIVING UP: You can't, although I'm sure you have tried. You have inner resources that it appears Angie does not. However, if a friend of mine whose relative had committed suicide told me repeatedly that she was considering doing the same, I would report it to her family and urge them to see that she got professional help. That's what you should do, in case depression and suicidal impulses run in her family, as is sometimes the case.

DEAR ABBY: I appreciate frugality, especially now that we all have to watch our spending. However, my neighbor is incredibly frugal. She often asks if she can "borrow" something instead of buying whatever it is she needs.

Her latest request was for socks -- yes, socks! -- for her daughter's dance recital. I put socks in the same category as underwear, something a little too personal to be lending out. Before that, it was leggings, a CD -- the list goes on and on. She always returns the items, but enough is enough!

I work, she doesn't. I feel as though I'm expected to provide for them because I have a job. I don't know if I should say anything to her about her constant borrowing or simply say "no" to all future requests, which, of course, there will be. Please share your thoughts. -- WHAT NEXT?

DEAR WHAT NEXT?: If your neighbor isn't working because she chooses not to, then say no. If she's not working because she hasn't been able to find a job -- a circumstance in which millions of people in this country find themselves -- then treat her as you would want to be treated if you were in her shoes.

DEAR ABBY: My father, who is happily married to his third wife, recently came across some photos of his first wedding to my mother in 1961. Apparently, the walk down memory lane didn't stop there for him. He asked his wife, who evidently agreed, if he could have a party to celebrate the 50th anniversary of this event.

I am appalled and kind of nauseated by the thought. Do you think I'm overreacting? I have considered refusing the invitation. Should I just suck it up, or tell my father I think the idea is narcissistic, insensitive and foolish? -- SICK TO MY STOMACH

DEAR SICK TO MY STOMACH: Your question is a first. Why your father would consider throwing a golden anniversary party to celebrate a marriage that turned to lead and "sank" is mystifying. Equally so is his current wife's willingness to go along with it.

While you and I might consider his idea to be ill-conceived, resist the urge to indulge in name-calling. Let him hear from others that the idea is narcissistic, insensitive and foolish. And, by the way, you are not obligated to accept every invitation you receive.