DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were on vacation out of state with our four young children, staying at a large resort that offered a free buffet breakfast. While my husband tended to the children's beverages and eating utensils, I stood in line to make waffles for everyone. (There were three waffle irons available.)

As I made four waffles for the six of us -- as others were doing for their families -- a woman began berating me and another man for "monopolizing" the waffle irons. She said we should make only one waffle at a time and then get back in line. She went on to insult our kids by saying that by feeding our kids whole waffles for breakfast, we are responsible for the epidemic of childhood obesity in this country.

Was I being rude? Is there a rule of etiquette regarding waffle-making in a buffet? We like to sit down as a family and enjoy our meal together. -- WAFFLING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WAFFLING: As far as I know, you broke no rule of etiquette. What you encountered was a hungry woman who was taking her impatience out on you. She is lucky you didn't hand her an egg and tell her to go suck on it.

DEAR ABBY: Two weeks before our youngest child's wedding, my husband of more than 40 years suddenly became obsessed with worry that I was unfaithful. It was unfounded and nearly ruined the wedding for both of us. This continued for two weeks after the wedding, until he finally vowed to "let it go."

My husband is now bending over backward to make it up to me. He is as thoughtful and passionate as if we were on our honeymoon again. While I'm enjoying the attention, I can't help but wonder if he is the guilty one. What do you think? -- TURNING THE TABLES IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TURNING THE TABLES: What I think isn't nearly as important as what you think. If you think he has been unfaithful, you may be right. The question now is, what do you intend to do about it? If you no longer trust your husband, then marriage counseling would be appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my wife and only child three years ago in a car accident. I felt my life ended that day, but I've managed to put the pieces back together thanks to the support of my family and friends. Now I'm at the point where I think I'm strong enough to start dating again.

When do I tell my date what happened? I don't want to scare her away with my story. It's a big part of who I am, but it's not all I am. First dates are about getting to know someone and it's hard not to share this, but I'm uncomfortable sharing right away. Do you have any advice? -- TENTATIVE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR TENTATIVE: I see no reason why you should disclose all the details of what happened to your wife and child on a first or second date. If the subject of your marital status is raised, it's perfectly all right to say that you are a widower, that the subject is a painful one, and you will share more details when you know the person better. It would be insensitive for anyone to press you for more information after hearing a statement like that.

DEAR ABBY: My mother watches my two children before and after school and during the breaks. She is a caring person, but she is also very critical of my daughter. (She's fine with my son.)

Mom constantly tells my daughter she needs to lose weight or exercise more, or her hair looks stringy, or she isn't dressed properly. My daughter is only 9.

My mother did this to me when I was younger, and it made me feel I could never live up to her standards. How should I approach her about this? I don't want my daughter to feel inadequate. She's a beautiful, intelligent little girl. -- FRUSTRATED IN MISSOURI

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Deal with this firmly, before your mother erodes your daughter's self-esteem as she did yours. Tell her how her constant criticism made you feel, that you don't want the same thing to happen to your little girl, and that anytime she's tempted to make a negative comment, she should substitute a positive one instead. Be direct with her, and if she isn't able to comply, make other arrangements for your daughter.

DEAR ABBY: My siblings have noticed my distant, odd behavior toward one of my brothers. This sibling and I have a history of incest. He raped me repeatedly for years, and I want nothing to do with him. When the family gathers, one or the other of us declines the invitation if the other one is going to be present.

I have told one sibling, "We just don't get along -- old stuff, ya' know!" and left it at that. I want to keep the reason to myself. I feel I may be pushed for a better answer. Shouldn't "old stuff" be enough of a reason? Should I tell or not? -- SHOULD I OR SHOULDN'T I?

DEAR SHOULD I?: A person who repeatedly rapes someone "for years" is a predator. This wasn't two kids "experimenting"; it was sexual assault. How do you know he didn't prey on other siblings or cousins? You should have sought counseling about this years ago, and it's still not too late. Once you do, I'm sure you'll find the strength to stand up for yourself and speak out.

DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago, when I was 25, I quit a good job before I had a new one. Hard times ultimately led to my husband and me divorcing. I went back to school and am now starting a new career. But I can't help but feel that if I had not quit my job years back, I'd be established in a career by now and still be married.

I never listened to anyone back then, although I was polite and quiet. I have grown from the experience, but my heart aches for what I lost. I don't drink or do drugs, so there is no numbing this pain. How do I get over my regrets and heal? -- LOOKING BACK IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LOOKING BACK: You can't change the past. You can only concentrate on and build a future. Do that by making a conscious effort to stay in the present.

When you feel yourself slipping backward and reliving the pain, pull yourself into the here and now. Then thank your higher power for your health, your job, and the chance to rebuild your emotional and financial future. Regret is the cancer of life. Dwell on it, and it will keep you from progressing.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Mindy" for a little more than a year, and mostly we get along. The one thing that is not working is Mindy likes to have long talks on the phone, usually very late into the night.

When I get sleepy and tell her I'm going to bed, she either gets upset, ignores me and continues talking, or tries to guilt me into staying up later to talk. I resent it. I have tried discussing it with her, but she doesn't seem to get it. How can I get across to Mindy that I'd like to go to bed without a fight? -- NODDING OFF IN BELMONT, CALIF.

DEAR NODDING OFF: Do it by telling your chatterbox girlfriend in the bright light of day what time your bedtime is. Tell her that if she wants to have long conversations in the evening, that's fine with you -- but she needs to respect what your bedtime is. As that time approaches, remind Mindy by saying, "I'm giving you five more minutes, then I'm hanging up the phone." Then do it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance's ex-girlfriend "Amanda" has been living with his parents for more than three years. I feel cheated out of the opportunity to have a daughter-like relationship with my fiance's parents. I want her to move out.

I have discussed this with my fiance, and he talked to his mother and told her that we're getting married and it's time for Amanda to leave. Amanda also agrees it's time for her to move, but my future mother-in-law doesn't. I don't think she wants to let go of Amanda and her grandson. It's like Amanda is her daughter.

I don't like the situation. It's not normal, and I don't know what to do. Should I confront his mother or just stay quiet? I want to feel like I'm the daughter-in-law, not Amanda! Please help. -- CHEATED IN HOLLAND, MICH.

DEAR CHEATED: I see nothing positive to be gained from a confrontation. Once you and your fiance are married, you will be the only daughter-in-law.

However, you will have to accept that Amanda's child will always be your in-laws' first grandchild. Regardless of how far or how fast Amanda moves out, her child will have a place in their hearts and their lives. Having had their grandchild living in their home for this period of time has intensified the bond. Please consider carefully how this will affect you before you marry this man, because feeling as you do, it may be a difficult adjustment.

DEAR ABBY: In our house we have a simple dress code. We ban the "three B's". If your clothing shows your butt, your boobs or your belly, you may not wear it. I just don't think it's healthy for my teenage sons (or my older son and husband) to have that in their faces as we eat dinner.

Is there a tactful way to approach the kids' friends -- who are welcome at all times, but sometimes show up with their boobs hanging out? -- COVERING UP IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR COVERING UP: Yes. If someone comes to the table suffering from overexposure, take the girl aside and tell her that in your house you "dress" for dinner. Then offer her a garment to cover up with.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing you with an etiquette question. If a neighbor is displaying a card, such as a get-well or thank-you card, is it OK to pick it up and read it? -- JUST WONDERING IN SPRINGBORO, OHIO

DEAR JUST WONDERING: No, not without first asking permission. To do otherwise could be considered rude or even nosy.