DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Will," and I have been married three years. It's a good marriage on most levels, but what causes most of our problems is the way he treats me. Will always assumes his way is correct. When I do something around the house, he comes up behind me and re-does it -- including refolding the clothes. He even corrects the way I speak and pronounce words.

It has gotten to the point that I have shut down. I don't do much of anything around the house anymore because I figure it's a waste of my time. Will gets angry and makes fun of my "laziness." How do I get through to him that some things aren't worth making me feel miserable? When I try to explain how he makes me feel, he gets mad and pouts. -- GETTING TIRED OF IT IN TEXAS

DEAR GETTING TIRED: From your description of your household, your relationship with your husband is not "good." In fact, the way Will is treating you could be considered a form of abuse. By constantly belittling and correcting you, he is trying to assert control and shake your confidence in yourself.

A husband who pouts and makes you feel bad when you tell him he's making you miserable is a poor life partner. He may be insecure, overbearing or have OCD. Or he could be a potential abuser. Insist on marriage counseling to find out which, or get out of there while you still can.

DEAR ABBY: My "Uncle Bernard" has a colorful personality. He has always been full of tall tales about his exploits and celebrity encounters.

About five years ago, my uncle announced that he had been awarded a Purple Heart. I know for a fact that Uncle Bernie was a member of the Merchant Marines on a ship that never left the Great Lakes. He also isn't listed on the official Purple Heart recipient registry, which makes me wonder where he got the medal.

Uncle Bernie hasn't been feeling well, so he has prepared his obituary, which notes that he was a recipient of the Purple Heart. He has also told us he wants the medal displayed at his funeral. I am aghast! I don't think I'll be able to grin and bear this one, Abby. He's a fake, and I don't want his children and church to be embarrassed. What he's doing is wrong. What would you do? -- BITING MY TONGUE FOR NOW

DEAR BITING: Uncle Bernie appears to be a fabulist, which is a polite term for liar. That he would masquerade as a war hero having never set foot in a war zone is disgusting. If I were in your situation I'd wait patiently until the time comes, then talk to his family about the potential embarrassment. When the obituary is published, reference to the medal should be omitted, and at the funeral the medal should not be displayed. Uncle Bernard won't know the difference, trust me.

DEAR ABBY: Today I asked my wife of many years, "Do you still love me?" Her answer was, "At our age, there is friendship at most."

I think that love has no age limit. Who is right? -- LEON IN MARCO ISLAND, FLA.

DEAR LEON: You are. There is no age limit on love. Love is love, whether you're a teenager or an octogenarian, and if you're lucky, even older than that.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I had a debate about who should pay for dates. She thinks the man should pay, especially if sex is involved because "you don't want to give it away for free."

I disagree. I say the man should pay for the first, and maybe the second date. After that, they can agree to alternate.

I have been seeing a wonderful guy for about six months. I'm pretty sure I make more money than he does, but even if I didn't, I don't feel the need to be supported. I don't agree the guy should always have to pay. Times have changed since my mother dated. What's the general consensus on the subject these days? -- INDEPENDENT WOMAN IN MARYLAND

DEAR INDEPENDENT: The consensus is that you're right. Times have changed since your mother dated, and furthermore, paying for a date does not give the payer any guarantee of sexual favors. While in some regions, cultures and age groups there may be the expectation that the man pays, in today's world many women expect to pay their fair share after the first couple of dates.

In other words, it's common to split a check or share the cost of an evening's dinner and entertainment. The idea that a woman should put out for the price of a burger is, thankfully, passe. And that's for the best, don't you agree?

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Arthur" for more than 20 years. Since Day One, he has wanted more than friendship, but I made it clear that I never wanted more than a platonic relationship. I care about him, but have never had romantic feelings for him.

We spend a lot of time together between relationships with other people. (I was married for eight years out of our 20-year friendship.) Arthur comes over -- we hang out, sometimes share a meal or watch a movie, etc. Then we go to sleep in my bed. He sleeps in my bed, where there's no hanky-panky. I'm content with things as they are. He makes me laugh and I feel good about myself.

However, lately I sense he's becoming too attached. I worry that I might be leading him on even though I've made it clear that I don't want anything romantic or sexual. After 20 years, there are no gray areas left to analyze my intentions.

My friends think what I'm doing is wrong, that I might be keeping Arthur from moving forward in his life. Keep in mind that I encourage him to go out with friends and to date. Am I doing anything wrong that may be hurting him in an indirect way? -- PLATONICALLY CONNECTED IN TEXAS

DEAR PLATONICALLY CONNECTED: You are happy the way things are. Arthur appears to have accepted the relationship on your terms. While he may secretly hope that one morning you will roll over, open your eyes and realize that he's Prince Charming, you have been honest with him from the beginning. I see no reason to end a relationship that is rewarding to both of you because your friends are meddling. Your friends should mind their own business.

DEAR ABBY: I have a lot of health problems and need my rest. We have even disconnected the doorbell. So why do people ignore the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the front door and knock anyway? -- DISTURBED IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR DISTURBED: Not knowing who's doing the knocking, I'm guessing they're people who are desperate to sell you something. Certainly no friend would behave that way.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: As the sun sets tonight, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, begins. As we start this time of solemn introspection, let me wish you all, "L'shana tova tikatevu" -- may you be inscribed in the Book of Life for a good year.

DEAR ABBY: I think your response to "Outgoing Aunt in Texas" (July 16) about the shy 12-year-old girl was misguided. The aunt felt "Tammy's" parents should "make" her come to the phone and speak to her. You felt the child's behavior was rude and said perhaps her mother was covering for her.

Being shy or overly sensitive is an inborn personality trait that can be very disturbing. Forcing a shy person to do something uncomfortable may make the problem worse. Talking on the phone is one of the hardest things for a shy person because he or she can't read the other person's face or body language.

Many l2-year-olds feel awkward in social situations, particularly if they are shy. A loving family member should try to be sensitive to this and not force the child to do something he or she is not comfortable doing. It's possible that Tammy may have a hard time talking to this aunt if she asks Tammy embarrassing questions or makes comments that are hurtful. If that's the case, then Tammy's mom is doing the right thing by trying to protect her. -- SHY M.D. IN TENNESSEE

DEAR SHY M.D.: Thank you for offering another perspective. Readers who shared their experiences helped me to view this with a fresh perspective. My newspaper readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: Twelve-year-old daughters have a terrible fear of criticism, a fear of failure and a fear of being made fun of by adults and peers. "Outgoing Aunt" sounds heavy-handed to me. I have to wonder what she might have said in the past (or how she said it) that has made Tammy so reluctant to even be in the same room with her. Tammy's mom is right to "cover for her." -- I WAS THE SAME 12-YEAR-OLD

DEAR ABBY: It bothered me that "Outgoing Aunt" was so determined and aggressive about speaking to Tammy. Has this aunt been unkind to her in the past? I think the aunt should back off and stop demanding to speak to the child through doors and on the phone. Perhaps the girl isn't shy or rude -- just a great judge of character. -- USED TO BE A SHY NIECE

DEAR ABBY: You're correct in saying Tammy's behavior may be anxiety-based. There is a childhood anxiety disorder called Selective Mutism in which an expectation to speak can cause a child extreme panic. It results in temporary physical paralysis of the vocal cords, and can render a child unable to cry or communicate distress when severely injured.

These children can speak just fine in some situations but not in all others, which can be misunderstood as willful behavior. One of the most common situations in which a child cannot speak is with a close friend or relative.

I had SM as a child and I helped my son find successful treatment for it. Without treatment, Tammy is at a heightened risk for depression, panic attacks, agoraphobia, substance abuse and more. I now speak about this disorder to spread awareness and help others locate resources to seek treatment. -- ANN SANDER IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: I am deeply in love with two wonderful women. I know I have to let one go, but I don't want to break either one's heart. Instead of "dumping" one of them, can I explain the situation to them and ask that one of them dump me? I realize I could lose them both, but I'm willing to take the chance. Please help. -- DOUBLE TROUBLE IN BLOOMINGTON, IND.

DEAR DOUBLE TROUBLE: I'll try, by courteously advising you to stiffen your spine and make a decision. If you announce to these two wonderful women that you can't choose between them, the odds are likely that they will both dump you.