DEAR ABBY: After a messy divorce, I moved with my 17-year-old daughter "Allie" to Florida. I'm thrilled that she has adjusted so quickly to the lifestyle here, which revolves around the beach and backyard swimming pools. Allie now has a boyfriend, "Shane," who is 19 and in college. I like him, and it appears he likes me too -- maybe a little too much.

Shane lives with his parents down the street, and he's often at our house when he and Allie aren't in school. Because I work at home and my office is adjacent to the pool, I can't seem to escape him. When Allie is doing her homework or talking on the phone, Shane swims alone and does a fair amount of "preening." I have the feeling he does it to gain my attention. The other day, after jumping in the pool, he surfaced without his swim trunks and said the pool jets had ripped them off him. Then he got out of the pool and put them back on in front of me. When I told him I found the situation embarrassing, he shrugged and smiled, leaving me feeling awkward.

Being from the Midwest, I'm used to people behaving and dressing more modestly. Here, it seems like anything goes, and the skimpier the clothing, the better. Am I a prude, or should I listen to my instincts that something is not right? And what do I say to Shane that will allow me to keep my dignity? -- TAKEN ABACK IN TAMPA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: The pool jets did not rip the trunks off your daughter's boyfriend. It appears she is involved with an exhibitionist. If it happens again, tell him you find what he's doing to be disrespectful and offensive, and if he wants to parade his shortcomings at his own home that's his privilege, but at yours his pants should stay on at all times -- or you'll tell his mother. Shame on Shane.

DEAR ABBY: I have been through a lot and have never given up. Lately, however, I am having second thoughts. Everyone in my family is an addict or a recovering one. I left my ex-husband because of his drinking. My son has been in rehab and relapsed many times. I have gone through every last financial and emotional option with him.

At this point, I'm feeling like all hope is gone. I'm writing to you because I am trying to find some thread of life to help me understand why bad things keep happening to me. How do I squeeze out one last drop of hope when my cup of faith is empty? I want to find a purpose to all the pain. -- STRUGGLING FOR ANSWERS, PARK CITY, UTAH

DEAR STRUGGLING: Volumes have been written by authors and philosophers trying to explain why bad things happen to good people. In your case, it appears you were born into a family with a genetic predisposition to addiction. Because the behavior of people with substance abuse problems was familiar to you, you married another one.

While I appreciate your desire to help your son, for your own mental health, please accept that the battle to free himself from addiction is his and his alone. You can't conquer it for him, much as you might hope to.

If you haven't already done so, attend some meetings of support groups for families and friends of people who have addictions. There you will find others who are helping one another through the same issues you are encountering. Such groups are listed in your phone directory and on the Internet. Believe me, you are not alone in your search for answers.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: A happy Eid al-Fitr, one and all!

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DEAR ABBY: "Insulted in Ohio" (July 9) was offended because she's being asked at bridal and baby showers to address a blank envelope so the honoree can send her a thank-you note. Good heavens, lady, calm down.

At a shower, you are celebrating a milestone event in a young woman's life. Your gift will help her during the next phase of her life. These joyous events can be stressful and require a lot of preparation. I'm sure the hostess's intent in asking guests to perform this minor task is to ease the honoree's responsibilities. It also ensures the addresses appear correctly on the envelopes and everyone is accounted for on the gift list. Is that really so "insulting"?

"Ohio," if you feel so imposed-upon being asked do do such a simple thing, may I offer a suggestion? Gift the honoree with your "regrets" and leave your judgmental attitude at home. (I'll bet you count the days until you're thanked, too.) -- GAIL IN NACOGDOCHES, TEXAS

DEAR GAIL: Thank-you notes are a hot-button issue with my readers, and frankly, I am surprised more of you didn't stick up for "Insulted." However, I stand firm in my conviction that the more personal the thank-you note (including the envelope), the better. My newspaper readers comment:

DEAR ABBY: With the advent of email, social networking and online invitation sites, mailing addresses are used less often. I'd be hard-pressed to find the street addresses of some of my closest friends and relatives. As part of the younger generation, I'm more comfortable with email. If I were hosting one of these events, I'd have to kindly ask guests to write down their addresses for me to use later for thank-yous. And because it's being done on paper, it might as well be on the envelopes -- a practical, time-saving solution. -- JENNY IN QUEBEC, CANADA

DEAR ABBY: I'm also from Ohio, and I was insulted, too. It appalled me being asked to address my own future thank-you envelope. And would you like to know the kicker? I never received the envelope or a thank-you after the shower. -- CARLA T.

DEAR ABBY: While the practice does seem a little over the top, there are creative alternatives. At a baby shower, my sisters gave everyone index cards and asked them to write down their name and address and guess the baby's birth weight and length. The guest who came closest would be mailed a prize. It was a way to ensure I had everyone's address for thank-you cards. At bridal showers, a blank address book can be passed around for guests to write their contact information. The book is then presented to the bride for her new home. -- MELANIE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ABBY: To save a busy bride or mother-to-be time and effort, addressing my envelope is another "gift" I can give her. All the envelopes could then be placed in a basket, with one being drawn for the "door prize." -- LYNN IN DULUTH, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: "Insulted" could take one of her return address stickers with her to the shower and place it on the envelope provided. It's less work. This new party ritual is not the result of poor manners, but a logical change for changing times. -- NOT A WHINER DOWN SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: The personal message the gift recipient writes on the card is more important than who might have addressed the envelope it came in. -- ARLENE IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: Because each of my guests addressed her envelope, I finished all my thank-yous in the week after the shower and sent them out promptly. People should not complain about the punctuality of thank-yous if they refuse an opportunity to ensure they receive them in a timely manner. -- CARRIE IN ST. LOUIS

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DEAR ABBY: I was at a party where guests were exposed to salmonella that was on one of the vegetables served as an appetizer. At least 11 people were affected by it. The hosts talked to only one or two of the people who were affected. Some of us were concerned that the hosts didn't contact everyone and warn them of what had happened.

Don't you think they had a responsibility to contact all their guests and advise them of the problem, and even express concern and apologies? -- SICK IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SICK: Yes, I do. A responsible host would not only call to advise the guests and apologize to anyone who was affected, but also contact the manager of the store at which the vegetables were purchased. If the store isn't put on notice, it can't prevent other customers from buying contaminated produce.

Now that you know how little consideration your hosts had for the welfare of their guests, reconsider accepting another of their dinner invitations.

DEAR ABBY: "Amy" and I have been married seven years. I used to enjoy family gatherings with my parents and brothers, but I am finding them stressful. Amy always seems to have an issue with "time." My family is easygoing and sometimes late for various reasons. Amy doesn't understand why this happens. She believes the timelines are being amended to suit one of my brothers and his family. Their tardiness bothers Amy, and she asked me to talk to my family members about it.

I did, and they don't see a problem. This is the way our family has always been. Amy stresses me out (high blood pressure runs on the male side of my family) when I should be enjoying these gatherings. By the way, my wife is an only child and has no extended family. She has never experienced what larger families go through. Should she ease off, or should I ask my loved ones to change their ways? -- PRESSURED IN TORONTO

DEAR PRESSURED: You said you have already talked to your family about this. Because this is the way your family has always functioned, it is highly unlikely that they're going to change now. Sometimes you have to accept family warts and all, and this appears to be one of them. If Amy's complaining is truly causing your blood pressure to spike, your physician should be telling her to lower the "pressure" she's putting on you.

DEAR ABBY: I recently got out of a two-year relationship. He broke up with me without explanation. I'm not over him and it still hurts, but at the same time I am starting to have feelings for someone else. The problem is I'm afraid he's just the "rebound" guy. What should I do? -- READY TO MOVE ON IN OHIO

DEAR READY TO MOVE ON: You're still healing -- and being attracted to someone other than the man who dumped you shows you are progressing. That's a good sign. Rather than worry about whether this relationship will be "for keeps," take it a step at a time. Enjoy his company, let him enjoy yours, and be thankful the romance that didn't work out didn't take up more of your time. A person -- male or female -- who would end a two-year relationship the way your ex-boyfriend did wasn't worth much in the first place.