DEAR ABBY: I am writing to respond to "Old Mama in Washington State" (June 1), whose pregnancy at 40 is unwelcome to her husband and two teens. My parents had a "bonus baby" when they were in their early 40s. I was 17 and my brother was 13 when we found out. It was hard for us to accept at first. I was grossed out by the idea of my parents having sex, and I was afraid people would think the baby was mine after she was born.

All our worries disappeared when we first laid eyes on our baby sister. I love her to death, and she is lucky to have my brother as her protector. It was a good thing that we were nearly 18 years apart, because I got the benefits of a sister without having to share a room! Now, at 12, she's a fabulous friend to my 8-year-old and will soon be big enough to baby-sit the 4-year-old and the baby.

I'm sure "Mama's" family will become more accepting over time. When they see that baby, they'll know their family is finally complete. -- PROUD BIG SISTER IN CHICAGO

DEAR BIG SISTER: Thank you for writing. I received a mountain of mail in response to that letter. Readers were enthusiastic in expressing their firsthand experiences being families with unexpected pregnancies. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was pregnant with twins at 45 and my then-l8-year-old daughter was furious with me, going as far as banning me from her high school graduation. It hurt, and I agonized over the decision, but in the end I waddled in anyway. I'm so glad I did.

Fast-forward: The twins are almost 3 now, and they worship their older sister and brother, and the feeling is mutual. As soon as "Mama's" husband sees the baby, I'm sure he'll be over the moon as well. Yes, the future looks exhausting, but it's well worth it. This time around you'll have so much more patience and wisdom -- and you'll pick your battles more wisely. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

DEAR ABBY: I have to agree with "Mama's" family. Pregnant at 40 is not a miracle, and she's deluded to think so. I was born when my mother was 42. I'm 16 years younger than my oldest sibling, and all my cousins are older.

It is hard growing up with no siblings to play with and no cousins to really talk to because they're all in high school and don't want a "kid" tagging along. I felt unwanted most of my childhood.

It gets better for a while, but then you watch your parents age and die. I didn't have the kind of relationship with my grandparents that my siblings did. And because I was born so many years behind everyone, I missed out on most of the fun family times.

Please tell "Mama" not to take it personally, to be sure her new addition is paid attention to and assured that he/she is much loved and wanted. -- UNEXPECTED SURPRISE IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I was 42, with children ages 12 and 17, when we were surprised by an unplanned pregnancy. We were concerned, of course, with the statistics for a complicated pregnancy, so we had the testing done and trusted that everything would be OK. My pregnancy and delivery were the best of all three, and my little girl has been a blessing to everyone.

She's now 13, and living with a teenager when you're in your 50s is a surefire way to stave off dementia. You have to stay on your toes, and we thank God that he chose to send us one last bundle of joy.

"Mama," don't let the resentment of your family steal your happiness. They will either have a change of heart or not, but that baby will be loved, because she has a mom with a lot of experience. -- ANOTHER OLD MOM IN RICHMOND

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Vinny," and I were growing apart after 10 years of marriage. It was both our faults. Vinny reconnected with a woman at his class reunion and started an inappropriate, secret relationship with her.

I discovered some of their emails and saw they had been texting numerous times a day. When I "busted" Vinny, he denied everything until I showed him the proof of what I knew. We have had issues in the past with him not being honest, but this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

We have told our children that we have decided to divorce. It was the most difficult decision I have ever made. We are still living in the same house and haven't told many people what happened.

I don't want anyone thinking I strayed or that I was responsible for this. Would it be inappropriate for me to say why I'm divorcing him? I don't want to take his feelings into consideration after what he did. My neighbors are gossipy -- it's like ... WISTERIA LANE

DEAR WISTERIA LANE: Although you don't want to take Vinny's feelings into consideration, please consider the feelings of your children. The most dignified way to deal with this would be to take the high road and say that the decision to divorce was mutual and keep the details to yourself. Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing regarding the letter you printed June 14, about saluting the U.S. flag. You should be aware that the Flag Code that you referenced in your reply was amended by Congress a couple of years ago and includes changes of which all Americans should be made aware.

One of them is that military veterans, as civilians who are no longer in uniform, may choose to salute the flag with the military "hand to the forehead" salute as they did while in the service.

All other persons should face the flag and stand at attention with their right hand over the heart, or if applicable, should remove their headdress with their right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the heart. Citizens of other countries should stand at attention. All conduct toward the flag in a moving column should be rendered at the moment the flag passes. This includes the playing of the national anthem. -- ANDY ANDERSON, KNOXVILLE, TENN.

DEAR ANDY: Thank you and thanks to the many readers who wrote to inform me that my copy of the Flag Code was outdated. I was unaware that it had been amended and used the one that was in my files for reference. Mea culpa!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have dinner with friends a couple of times a month. The wife likes to kiss and hug me. She even patted me on the behind once. This makes me very uncomfortable.

I enjoy being affectionate with my children, grandchildren and my husband, but I do not like being touched by women. What should I do about this? -- HANDS OFF IN HOLLISTER, CALIF.

DEAR HANDS OFF: For heaven's sake, speak up and tell the woman that you are uncomfortable about being touched by other women. That way she'll know it isn't personal. I'm sure she will respect your boundaries once you explain them to her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 47-year-old woman who started dating "Earl" about three weeks ago. We had gotten off to a great start. We talk easily, we're comfortable with each other and we seem to share similiar values.

Last week, Earl's mom passed away, which has made continuing the relationship difficult. He was close to her and, understandably, is going through a rough time.

I'm willing to stick by him and go through this painful process with him. I have been through it myself. Earl said he still wants to see me, but because of what he's dealing with, if someone else comes along, I should take that opportunity.

Abby, I don't want to look for anyone else. I already care a lot for Earl, but I'm confused about what to do. I have had enough hurt to last me the rest of me life, and I know Earl could tell me at any time that he can no longer handle this because of his situation. Please tell me what I should do. -- LADY IN WAITING

DEAR LADY IN WAITING: You seem like a nice, but needy lady. You have known Earl a grand total of three weeks, which is not long enough for either of you to make serious plans. Right now Earl needs your support and friendship more than he needs a romance, so slow down.

Be there if he needs to talk. Offer to cook him dinner once a week. But do not pressure him or he will be history.

DEAR ABBY: I have found my soul mate. We have a newborn son and are very happy. We plan to be married next year, after we have saved enough for the wedding.

I have been hiding a secret from him. I have had bulimia for 20 years. Should I tell him before we marry? I am terrified it will harm our relationship. How can I tell him without hurting him? I'm afraid he won't understand what it will take for me to heal myself. He will be worried about my health. Please advise, Abby. -- KEEPING IT TO MYSELF

DEAR KEEPING IT TO YOURSELF: You should absolutely tell him before you marry. You should also be prepared to honestly answer any questions he may ask about your eating disorder. What would hurt him and harm your relationship would be to marry him without his knowing the facts about your illness. If he is truly your soul mate, he won't run away. He will stand by you and support you any way he can to become well again.

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for a married woman to physically touch someone of the opposite sex? When we were in a restaurant, my wife reached toward the waiter and put her hand on his arm.

At a football game, she leaned over and touched a kid on his shoulders with both hands to express her feelings about one of our grandsons scoring a touchdown.

She also has a habit of calling other males "Hon." Is this normal? I have told my wife a number of times that she should stop it, but she says I don't "own" her and she can do whatever she wants. -- ANNOYED HUSBAND IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ANNOYED HUSBAND: It appears you married a "toucher." That's someone who needs to make physical contact with another person in order to feel she has "connected." It is harmless, and you should not feel threatened by it. As to her calling other men "Hon," it's possible she does it because she can't remember the person's name. Lighten up, and she may respond by being less defensive.