DEAR ABBY: I'm a 47-year-old woman who started dating "Earl" about three weeks ago. We had gotten off to a great start. We talk easily, we're comfortable with each other and we seem to share similiar values.

Last week, Earl's mom passed away, which has made continuing the relationship difficult. He was close to her and, understandably, is going through a rough time.

I'm willing to stick by him and go through this painful process with him. I have been through it myself. Earl said he still wants to see me, but because of what he's dealing with, if someone else comes along, I should take that opportunity.

Abby, I don't want to look for anyone else. I already care a lot for Earl, but I'm confused about what to do. I have had enough hurt to last me the rest of me life, and I know Earl could tell me at any time that he can no longer handle this because of his situation. Please tell me what I should do. -- LADY IN WAITING

DEAR LADY IN WAITING: You seem like a nice, but needy lady. You have known Earl a grand total of three weeks, which is not long enough for either of you to make serious plans. Right now Earl needs your support and friendship more than he needs a romance, so slow down.

Be there if he needs to talk. Offer to cook him dinner once a week. But do not pressure him or he will be history.

DEAR ABBY: I have found my soul mate. We have a newborn son and are very happy. We plan to be married next year, after we have saved enough for the wedding.

I have been hiding a secret from him. I have had bulimia for 20 years. Should I tell him before we marry? I am terrified it will harm our relationship. How can I tell him without hurting him? I'm afraid he won't understand what it will take for me to heal myself. He will be worried about my health. Please advise, Abby. -- KEEPING IT TO MYSELF

DEAR KEEPING IT TO YOURSELF: You should absolutely tell him before you marry. You should also be prepared to honestly answer any questions he may ask about your eating disorder. What would hurt him and harm your relationship would be to marry him without his knowing the facts about your illness. If he is truly your soul mate, he won't run away. He will stand by you and support you any way he can to become well again.

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for a married woman to physically touch someone of the opposite sex? When we were in a restaurant, my wife reached toward the waiter and put her hand on his arm.

At a football game, she leaned over and touched a kid on his shoulders with both hands to express her feelings about one of our grandsons scoring a touchdown.

She also has a habit of calling other males "Hon." Is this normal? I have told my wife a number of times that she should stop it, but she says I don't "own" her and she can do whatever she wants. -- ANNOYED HUSBAND IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ANNOYED HUSBAND: It appears you married a "toucher." That's someone who needs to make physical contact with another person in order to feel she has "connected." It is harmless, and you should not feel threatened by it. As to her calling other men "Hon," it's possible she does it because she can't remember the person's name. Lighten up, and she may respond by being less defensive.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old female senior in high school. I was coerced into sex when I was 12 by a 19-year-old neighbor. He raped, molested and beat me repeatedly for two months. I come from a religious family. I was very sheltered and didn't understand most of what was happening at the time. It wasn't until I had Sex Ed that year that I fully understood.

Mom had always told me not to let anyone touch me because it was dirty and wrong. I felt guilty because I knew "something" was wrong. When I told my neighbor about the guilt, he taught me how to cut myself using a razor blade. I never told my family (or anyone else, for that matter) about what had happened to me, and I continued cutting until last year when my mom found out. I have been in and out of counseling since then.

I have horrible nightmares nearly every night. I relive memories of him beating me, molesting me and raping me. The nightmares are getting worse, and I'm falling asleep during the daytime. I don't know how to make them stop. Abby, can you help me? -- NIGHTMARES IN WICHITA, KAN.

DEAR NIGHTMARES: None of what happened was your fault. You were a child and that neighbor was an adult who took advantage of your youth and inexperience. The feelings you're experiencing are not unusual for rape victims -- fear, anger, shame, guilt, loss of power and isolation.

If you will make a police report, it will help you to regain a sense of control. It may also prevent other children from being victimized by this monster. If possible, ask to talk with a female police officer -- although many police departments provide special training to all their officers so victims are treated in a sensitive and caring manner.

Being able to give voice to your feelings will go a long way toward making your nightmares go away. It will help you immensely if you'll talk with a professional counselor at a rape treatment center or crisis center. For you, that would be the Wichita Area Sexual Assault Center. Its 24-hour toll-free number (for Kansas residents only) is (877) 927-2248. The website is www.wichitasac.com. Please don't wait. People there will help you if you'll give them a chance.

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away a few months ago and something has been bothering me ever since his funeral. Some of my co-workers attended the viewing and the service. I do not care for any of them and I believe they showed up because they were nosy about my personal business. I share none of it with them in the office.

Now my mother is very ill. I don't know how I'll handle it if these people show up at my mother's eventual service. I think this is an invasion of my and my family's privacy, and I get sick to my stomach at the thought of them coming.

Is there anything I can do or say to let them know they're not welcome? One woman regularly attends funerals for people she doesn't know. -- PRIVATE PERSON, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR PRIVATE: Yes, there is something you can do. When the notice of your mother's death is published in the newspaper, it should be stated that her funeral service will be private. The time and place should not be mentioned, and should be communicated verbally only to those you would like to attend.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl. I have good grades, participate in sports and activities, and I'm involved in my church. My parents have always trusted me and given me freedom because they know I can handle it.

I want to attend a concert in a bigger town with a friend. However, my parents insist I must have an adult with me. I feel I'm responsible enough to go to the concert without one. How can I convince my parents? (A parent would be driving us to and from the concert.) -- CAN HANDLE IT IN OREGON

DEAR CAN HANDLE IT: Your parents want to be sure you are safe. Although they trust you to act responsibly, they may not be so confident about other fans in the audience. When large numbers of people gather for sports events and concerts, there is always the chance that a few troublemakers may cause a commotion or even a stampede. That's why the performers usually have heavy security around them. Please don't take your parents' stance on this personally. They are trying to protect you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are hosting our daughter's wedding and reception. We had to limit the number of guests due to space and budgetary considerations. Some of the RSVPs have come back with a larger number of people accepting than were listed on the invitation envelope as being invited.

How should we handle this? We expect others may do the same, and we cannot accommodate extra guests. It's a touchy situation because my daughter and her fiance interact with these folks at the church where she works. She feels bad enough that we had to limit the number of guests -- and now this situation. -- FEELING AWKWARD IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FEELING AWKWARD: If this is strictly a matter of money and what you can afford, sit down with your daughter and her fiance, explain the situation and ask if they would like to pay for the "uninvited" guests. If they say yes -- fine. If they say no, call the people who indicated they plan to bring extra guests and tell them that because of space and budgetary considerations, you are unable to accommodate them. Please don't feel embarrassed to do so, because the people who should feel embarrassed are the ones who committed this breach of etiquette.

DEAR ABBY: If I tell my wife I'm going to clean the bathroom today, but I don't manage to get it done because I was busy with other things, is that considered breaking a promise even though I didn't use the word "promise"? My wife says that if you say you're going to do something, then that is a promise. Is she right? -- A MATTER OF SEMANTICS

DEAR SEMANTICS: Not exactly. If you tell your wife you are going to clean the bathroom today and don't get around to it, that is frustrating, aggravating and irresponsible. But if she responds to your statement, "Is that a promise?" and you say yes -- that's a promise.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a grown-up Southern girl who has had "honesty is the best policy" pounded into my head ever since I can remember. My family had a falling out when I spoke my mind about some family members because I was tired of them saying things behind other people's backs. I felt the truth should be expressed, but now I am to blame for the family issues when I was just being honest.

Where is the line in the sand where the honesty policy becomes brutal and unfeasible? -- TELLING IT LIKE IT IS

DEAR TELLING IT: The line is crossed when the truth is used like a sledgehammer and the words are spoken in anger or retaliation.