DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old senior in college. Much of college social life revolves around alcohol. I have no problem drinking responsibly, but I take medication that prohibits me from imbibing alcohol.

Strangers and friends often ask, "Why aren't you drinking?" They either assume it's for religious reasons or I'm uptight. Saying I'm on meds seems like a bit of a buzz-kill.

This is particularly troublesome when I'm invited "out for drinks" at a bar. I never know what to order or say. I hate feeling like I'm obligated to drink, but I don't want to pass on events because of the awkward questions.

What's a quick reply I can give to those who ask why I don't drink? And how can I go out for drinks without actually drinking? -- STILL SOCIABLE AT STANFORD

DEAR STILL SOCIABLE: Order a "virgin" whatever you're being offered. There are many reasons why people don't drink. Among them: They don't like the taste, they don't like the buzz, the empty calories, they're allergic, they don't want to risk a traffic violation with alcohol in their system, or they never started drinking in the first place. To imbibe or not is a personal choice. It's OK to be different. And if you're challenged, it's perfectly fine to just say, "No thanks!"

DEAR ABBY: We live in a very nice neighborhood frequented by walkers and runners. For the second time in just a few months, several women who regularly walk past our home have approached me at neighborhood events to ask about items I can only think were found in our recycling bin. Specifically, how did I like a particular brand of pasta sauce, or would I recommend that bottle of chardonnay?

Abby, our recycling bins have lids and our bin is never left open, which means these women must be peeking inside to check out our eating and drinking habits. I am now so self-conscious about our recycling I have begun burying bottles and cans under the newspaper and watching the bin to catch them in the act. My husband suggested leaving a nasty note on top of our recyclables. Any suggestions? -- FOR OUR EYES ONLY IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR EYES ONLY: Once garbage is put out for collection it is no longer private property. A certain celebrity was embarrassed to learn this firsthand when some paparazzi rooted through her garbage and discovered to their glee some empty containers of meds to treat a private health matter.

It's possible the walkers are just trying to be friendly and strike up a conversation. But if your suspicions are correct, there are several ways to handle the situation. The first would be to delay putting out your recyclables until just before they are to be collected. Another would be to visit a novelty shop and pick up some fake hands or feet -- or a large rubber rat -- and place . them strategically in one of your bins. Or, affix "sweet" Post-It notes to your jars and bottles reading, "This was great!" or, "Don't waste your money ..."

If that doesn't discourage them from inventorying your trash, then there's always the direct approach. Respond with, "Why do you ask?" And when they tell you, let them know how you feel about their answer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing because I'm afraid I will never be able to have a normal, healthy relationship with a man. Until recently, I was the victim of a physically, verbally and sexually abusive father. Now I find myself unable to speak around even the most nonthreatening boy.

At even the slightest hint of aggression or anger I flinch and run away. I'm afraid I will never escape the shadow of what he did to me. What should I do? -- SHY AND BATTERED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SHY AND BATTERED: For you to move from victim to survivor will take professional help. Few people are able to completely overcome the abuse you have experienced on their own. A good first step would be to contact R.A.I.N.N., the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. Its website is www.rainn.org and its toll-free phone number is 800-656-4673. The counselors there can guide you in finding help to repair your life.

Men like your father belong behind bars, where they can't hurt helpless children. If he would sexually and physically abuse you, no child is safe around him. If there are minors still living with your parents, the police should be notified about what he did to you so they can be rescued.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for six years. My husband is kind, caring and honest. Our only problem involves jewelry. I'm not very good at wearing my wedding ring every day. I can be forgetful and clumsy, and I have misplaced it, almost dropped it down the drain, etc. I have tried wearing it around my neck, but it just gets in the way.

My husband wears his ring every day and says he doesn't mind if I don't wear mine because he trusts me. My problem is other people. My co-workers are suspicious. My family thinks it's "strange." Men have hit on me, and when I politely told them I'm married, they became angry and asked where my ring is.

Abby, I don't do or say anything to lead people on, and I often mention that I'm happily married. I'm becoming frustrated and have even considered getting a tattoo on my ring finger so that people know I'm married. My husband says not to let it bother me; that he doesn't care about what others think. Any suggestions? -- NO RING ON IT, COLUMBIA, MO.

DEAR NO RING ON IT: I do not recommend getting your finger tattooed to allay your co-workers' suspicions or because some fool becomes angry that you don't welcome his advances. My recommendation is to listen to the secure, mature man you married and stop worrying so much about what other people think.

DEAR ABBY: My wife makes snarky comments to our extremely nice daughter-in-law. Our son finally had enough and has issued an ultimatum to his mother: Either change her ways or she won't be able to see their child.

Our first grandchild is due soon. Has our son gone too far? What can this grandpa-to-be do when Grandma-to-be claims she "doesn't care," even though I know she's lying to herself? -- NOT FAIR TO ME IN SAN JOSE

DEAR NOT FAIR TO YOU: Has your son said that you won't be welcome to visit your grandchild? If not, I'm sure you will be welcome minus his mother. I respect your son for drawing the line and insisting his wife be treated with respect, which his mother hasn't been doing. Because you can't control her behavior or her mouth, invest in cartons of tissue because I predict she'll be needing a lot of them when the baby arrives and she's sitting by herself, persona non grata.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: On May 18, I printed a letter from a young woman who had been invited to a friend's lingerie shower. "Bringing a Blender in Montana" was uncomfortable with the idea of purchasing intimate apparel for the bride-to-be, so I suggested she bring a "high-necked flannel nightgown." When I asked you readers to offer other gift suggestions, you responded with an avalanche of terrific responses. Thanks to all for your clever suggestions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: One of the most unique bridal shower gifts I received was a set of pillowcases. Both cases had one side that read "YES" in big red letters. The reverse side of the bride's case said, "Not tonight, I have a headache." The other side of the groom's case read, "I have the aspirin." -- PILLOW TALK 26 YEARS LATER

DEAR ABBY: "Bringing" could give her friend a set of cooking spices to "keep the spice in their marriage." The card should read: "Let your fantasies go wild when you have the 'thyme'!" -- SPICE GIRL IN STOCKTON, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: For my granddaughter's lingerie shower, I gave her a generous check, a pair of men's dress socks and a note saying the socks were to replace the ones she'd knock off him when he saw her in one of her beautiful nightgowns. It elicited many chuckles from the guests.� -- STILL KNOCKIN' HIS SOCKS OFF

DEAR ABBY: I was given a gift basket, which included body lotion, bath salts, candles, chocolates and a romantic DVD. I enjoyed the gift basket more than the lingerie. -- JUDY IN RAWLINS, WYO.

DEAR ABBY: We had a "useful utensil party" for my future sister-in-law. I gave her a nutcracker. -- DEBBIE IN ALBION, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: When I attended my granddaughter's bridal shower, I wrapped some fig leaves with her gift and joked about her wearing them in case her closet ran short. She responded with, "Gramma!" It surprised her, but it brought a lot of laughs. -- GRAMMA ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR ABBY: Lovely camisoles or slips, special mesh bags for washing fine items, scented lingerie detergent or pretty new slippers are all acceptable and appreciated gifts for starting married life. -- DIANNE IN CARLISLE, PA.

DEAR ABBY: As a gag gift, she could give them a bottle of aspirin and some good reading material ... -- BEEN THERE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: Four silk scarves, a leather whip and a can of whipped cream. This is all done in fun! -- HAVING A GOOD TIME IN THE EAST

DEAR ABBY: My dad said it didn't matter what my sister wore on her wedding night. She could wear a burlap sack and her husband would be happy. One of my aunts took his idea and made a burlap sack "nightie," complete with lace at the neckline and hem. My sister, who has a wonderful sense of humor, wore it on her wedding night. I'm sure it provided a good laugh and a fun way to end their wedding day. -- HER BIG SISTER

DEAR ABBY: Packaged in a beautifully wrapped, fairly large box was one lace-and-ribbon bow with a note saying, "Wear only this on your wedding night." -- WITH LOVE FROM GRANDMA

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws were married in 1940. She was 17; he was 19. For her shower, my mother-in-law received a beautiful full-length nightgown with fur trim around the bottom added by the giver. The card read: "To keep your neck warm." -- IRENE IN ELIDA, OHIO

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)