DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage girl and my family is important to me. I really wish I could treat them better. My mom and I always fight. She says little things and I get mad at her. I feel bad for snapping at her and my sisters all the time because I really want them to know how much they mean to me. They are the best family you could ever get, and I just push them away.

Mom is going through a lot of health problems, and I know my being mean won't help her get better. Abby, help me, please. -- TEENAGE GIRL IN OHIO

DEAR TEENAGE GIRL: The first thing you need to remember is that because your mother is experiencing health problems, she may not be at her best -- which is why she says some of those "little things" that make you angry. Before you react and take them personally, you need to remind yourself that she may be having a bad day.

When you are upset and under stress, you should not take it out on your sisters. A better way to cope would be, rather than saying something hurtful, to leave the room or take a walk and organize your thoughts. You'll then be better able to communicate your feelings in a rational way and avoid a fight.

Please try it. These are skills that take practice, but if you master them they will serve you for a lifetime. Now, go hug your mother, tell her you love her and apologize.

DEAR ABBY: I am extremely overweight (5-foot-6 and 331 pounds). I am 38 years old, and the weight is now catching up with me. It hurts to get up in the morning. My knees hurt walking up the stairs, and I can't bear to look at myself (to the point that I will not go out except to work). I have started to pull away from my family.

"Just lose the weight"? Easier said than done! I lost 110 pounds, then gained it back and more. I don't know who to turn to, but I know I need help. -- TOO BIG TO ENJOY LIFE

DEAR TOO BIG: I'm glad you wrote, because I'm going to recommend a multi-pronged approach. The first person to contact is your physician, and tell him or her that you are ready to take off the weight and you need help. Then ask for a referral to a psychologist, to help you understand the emotional reasons you have put on so much weight, and also an American Dietetic Association-registered nutritionist who can help you craft a healthy eating program that works for you.

You will also have to make some lifestyle changes, but they will save your life. And remember, losing weight will take time. You didn't put it on overnight; it won't come off overnight. But by writing to me you have already taken your first step in the right direction, and I'm urging you to continue moving down the same path.

DEAR ABBY: We are stumped about how to handle a situation with our grandchildren. Is it OK to set different rules in our home than they have in their own home?

We are inclined to limit running or wrestling indoors, but our daughter (their mother) doesn't feel that's necessary. At different times both children have been injured or gotten into trouble that could have been avoided by having a "no running or wrestling inside" rule. Is it our place to establish rules for our home? -- CONCERNED IN TEXAS

DEAR C.I.T.: Absolutely, and without question it is your place to establish the rules of conduct in your household!

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DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ed," and I have been together for six years, married for two. This is the second marriage for both of us. We have children from our first marriages.

Ed works offshore. He's gone 21 days and here 21 days. The three weeks he's gone, I work, take care of the house and the kids, do the yard work, etc. When he comes home, I want him to myself the first weekend -- I don't want to share him with his friends. I'd like to do fun things with him sometimes, just the two of us.

Ed says I have to understand his friends are important. He says I'm selfish and jealous. He doesn't show affection very well either (except behind closed doors), and I am a very affectionate person. Am I asking too much from him? I am considering counseling, but I'm unsure whether Ed would go. -- BORED AND LONELY IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR BORED AND LONELY: Counseling is an excellent idea, and if Ed won't go, you should go without him. Asking your husband to spend two days of one-on-one time with you when he returns from three weeks away isn't too much, and it's not selfish. He needs to reorganize his priorities and put you higher on the list than his buddies.

Affection is supposed to be spontaneous, and you shouldn't have to beg for it. What you describe going on behind closed doors sounds more like plain old sex and a whole lot less like affection. Unless your husband is willing to put more effort into your marriage, I can't see you living until death do you part on a starvation diet -- and you can tell both your husband and your counselor I said so.

DEAR ABBY: I know you get many letters from people who are unemployed, depressed and don't know how to climb out of the funk. I was laid off from my management position three weeks after giving birth to my first child. Talk about depressing.

After several months of recovering from a difficult birth, I contacted my local SPCA and began volunteering. Not only do I help by feeding and cleaning the kitties, but I am using my professional skills to help them with photography, graphic design and fundraising. I'm still looking for work and getting occasional interviews. And in those interviews, potential employers always seem impressed with my volunteer work.

I'm writing to encourage anyone who is unemployed to find charitable organizations to work with. Offer your professional skills. It is something to get up for and do during the day. It also looks good on your resume and makes you feel great. -- UNPAID FOR NOW, BUT HAPPY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAPPY: That's a valuable suggestion, and thank you for it. At this point, 13.9 million Americans are unemployed. Many suffer from depression because, through no fault of their own, they have been unable to find jobs. When people feel embarrassed, frustrated and angry, they tend to isolate themselves, which doesn't help and can be unhealthy.

The more connections you make, the greater your chances for finding permanent employment, because in the final analysis it's all about people and relationships. I wish you luck in your job search. Whoever hires you will be lucky to have you.

DEAR ABBY: My brother often tells me that I'll "make a good wife someday." Is this an insult or a compliment? -- BAFFLED IN BOSTON

DEAR BAFFLED: I'd consider it a compliment. An insult would be you'd make a lousy wife someday. However, whether it's meant as an insult or a compliment would depend upon your brother's opinion of the institution of marriage.

DEAR ABBY: With so many families moving in with relatives because of personal struggles in their lives, I thought it might be helpful to offer a few suggestions to help this work for everyone. If you move in with relatives:

1. Do not assume they won't mind if you store everything you own in their garage. Get rid of it or pay for a storage unit.

2. Help with the housework, even if they say, "Oh, don't bother." And keep your space clean and orderly and assist in keeping a shared bathroom tidy.

3. Show you appreciate having a place to stay. Feed pets, carry out the trash, rake leaves or shovel snow.

4. Do your own laundry. Ask when is the most convenient time to do it. Don't leave clothes in the washer or dryer, which prevents others from washing their own things.

5. If you are paying something toward your stay, don't think that precludes your helping in the home.

6. Work out the food arrangements. Maybe you have a shelf or drawer in the fridge for your food. Prepare your own meals unless everyone agrees to share cooking duties and food budgets.

7. If you don't have a job, keep looking. Don't lie around watching TV, sleeping or playing on the computer.

8. Never gossip about the household. You owe it to the family who took you in.

9. Do try to set a departure date. If things change, discuss it. When in doubt, talk it out.

To those who are going through this, I wish you luck and better times ahead. -- LOVING FAMILY MEMBER

DEAR FAMILY MEMBER: Your letter is timely because, for various reasons, millions of Americans now live in multifamily and intergenerational households. For some of them, the arrangement will be temporary. For others, it is cultural, practical and will be permanent. Whatever the reasons for cohabiting, the suggestions you submitted are thought-provoking and worth space in my column. Thank you for raising the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I was married for nine years to an outwardly sweet, but deceptive woman who cheated and left me. We have two children. A custody battle is waging, and the divorce has not been finalized due to financial disputes.

I have found myself with a dilemma. I am not a bad-looking guy, and women come on to me during social events. On the occasion that I find myself attracted and ask a woman out, I end up telling her the whole divorce/custody story no matter how hard I try to avoid it or change the subject. After the date, I regret the conversation.

How should these issues be discussed with a potential lover? I have avoided commitment because of all the "baby mama drama" some of the women had, but I'm now seriously interested in someone and she's receptive to seeing me. I'm a free-spirited person and this problem is weighing me down. Please advise, Abby. -- "STUCK" IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR "STUCK": Because you are seriously interested, do the honorable thing and let her know in advance that a relationship with you may be complicated because your divorce isn't final, and the reasons why. If she's as interested in you as you are in her, she will respect you for it. If your almost-ex is vindictive, your new lady will need to be prepared for it.