DEAR ABBY: My son has refused to speak to me ever again because his girlfriend asked me if he had another child from a previous relationship. I didn't think it was right to lie to her, so I told her the truth about his daughter. My son called me yesterday and told me I was "dead to him" and he never wants to see me again. I feel so guilty having betrayed him.

I'm not sure how to make amends with my son. Abby, can you help me? -- SAD MOM IN OHIO

DEAR MOM: Your son may have preferred his girlfriend be kept in the dark about his daughter, but if the girlfriend didn't have some strong suspicions, she would not have raised the subject with you. Frankly, I admire you for telling the truth and not going along with your son's deception. I'm not sure how you should "make amends" with your son. He is the one who should be making amends with you. His lack of character is lamentable.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has been out of work for four months. Last week she applied for a job at a loan office. During the interview, she learned it was a payday loan operation, and she would be expected to get people to sign up for loans they could not afford.

This goes against our principles. We have seen family members caught in payday loan schemes that buried them in debt, and we find the whole industry to be immoral and abhorrent.

My wife is currently receiving unemployment compensation. One of the rules of unemployment is, if a company offers you work, you must accept it. She said if she knew what the position entailed, she would not have applied. Now she is terrified she may be offered a position in a business she finds repugnant, but she may not be able to decline the offer. What can she do? Please answer fast! -- STUCK FOR AN ANSWER IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR STUCK FOR AN ANSWER: Your wife should contact the payday loan company and tell them she is not interested in the position before she gets an offer. That way, she won't be breaking any rules, and the company can hire a willing applicant.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of two boys who are 12 and 13. The letter from "Terrified for My Niece in the Southwest" (Feb. 16) horrified me. The aunt who wrote the letter said her sister "bragged" about how popular her 14-year-old daughter is because she gives oral sex to the boys. Is this the kind of girl my sons are exposed to at school?

I know kids are curious and experiment at this age, but it's disturbing that the mother of this girl doesn't see that her actions are dangerous and can lead to more serious sexual situations. If she were my niece, I would speak up and let Mom know exactly how I felt in hopes that she would recognize how inappropriate her daughter's actions are. Pregnancy can become a harsh reality to a parent who was blind to the seriousness of her child's actions. -- YVETTE IN RANCHO SANTA MARGARITA, CALIF.

DEAR YVETTE: Thank you for writing. Many readers were equally disturbed by that letter, and a few even questioned its authenticity. I spoke to the aunt who wrote the letter. She verified that she had written it and everything she said was true. Perhaps the following responses will serve as a wake-up call for teens and parents:

DEAR ABBY: I have been a criminal investigator for more than 38 years and can state with certainty that having sex with Naomi is a felony in most, if not all, states, particularly if the boy is over the age of 16. At 14, this girl is not able to give consent. What is happening is considered an act of rape, even if it is voluntary on her part.

Someone needs to intervene now before some "innocent" boy gets charged with a crime. I've handled too many cases where boys have been charged with rape when the girl gets angry at him for almost no reason. The welfare of all the children is at stake! -- "SNOOPER" IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: This letter literally makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up when I think about a mother who would actually brag about something like this to family and do nothing about it. That mother is in desperate need of counseling, and Naomi is in desperate need of guidance because, obviously, she's not getting any from her mom. I wonder if her dad has any idea what's going on? -- A MOM IN GREAT FALLS, MONT.

DEAR ABBY: "Terrified's" niece is being sexually abused. It would be particularly egregious if her partners are 18 or older. For her mother to crow about her daughter's exploits makes her an unfit parent. "Terrified" needs to take a firm stand with her sister, and if she is ignored, the authorities should be contacted. -- MIKE IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: This girl's mother is abdicating her responsibilities as a parent and indirectly condoning and encouraging her daughter's promiscuous behavior. The emotional damage could be irreparable. Naomi is being used and abused by any young man with whom she is involved. The aunt should talk to her sister and, if there is a father in the house, he needs to know about his daughter.

In my opinion, that mother wants her daughter to be popular for all the wrong reasons. Mom sounds like someone who sat on the sidelines in high school and never understood that what makes a person popular is the ability to carry on an intelligent conversation, get good grades, provide community service and so on. Pity! -- BARBARA IN KALAMAZOO, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful woman I'll call "Shannon" for a year and a half. She has most things that I want in a partner, and I often feel she's better than I deserve. We're in our early 30s, and Shannon is saying she will soon need some kind of idea where we are going in the future.

I'm having trouble with the notion of committing to her forever because I'm still attracted to other women. (I haven't been involved with anyone else since starting to date her.) More worrisome, I'm afraid I'll meet someone I'm more attracted to a few years down the road.

How can I be sure that Shannon will make me happier than anyone else I might meet in the future? -- CONFLICTED IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR CONFLICTED: You say Shannon has "most" things you want in a partner. Yet I sense that you're not as physically attracted to her as you think you should be. If this woman does not appeal to you, then face it -- she's not for you.

Of course, regardless of how attractive one's partner is, there are no guarantees that anyone -- male or female -- won't meet someone who is different and appealing at some point in the future. But those who are mature and committed usually realize they have enough invested emotionally in their marriage and children that they can resist temptation. It's called being an adult.

DEAR ABBY: At least once a week my boss and I drive together from our office to meetings throughout town. She always insists on driving. My problem is, she drives erratically and I often feel in danger with her behind the wheel. Not only does she swerve in and out of lanes without signaling, she is often talking on her cell phone (which is not illegal in our state).

I'd be happy to drive. I have a comfortable, reliable car and a safe driving history. I have offered, "I'd be glad to drive so you'll be free to give your full attention to important phone calls." None of my efforts has worked.

I don't want to be rude or insulting -- and certainly don't want to create an awkward situation with my boss -- but I don't want to keep putting myself at risk with her terrible driving. I'd be grateful for some advice. -- RIDING SHOTGUN IN MIAMI

DEAR RIDING SHOTGUN: It's time for another -- more direct -- chat with your boss. You should not have to worry every time you get into a car with her that you might not arrive in one piece. Tell her: "When you talk on the phone while you drive, it makes me very nervous. I'm concerned about my safety as well as the safety of others when you do it. If you don't want me to drive so you can make your calls, I will meet you at our destination."

DEAR ABBY: After her second mammogram in 10 years, my mother-in-law now needs a double mastectomy. An annual mammogram would have caught it early enough to prevent its spread.

Since I have trouble remembering when it has been a year since my last exam, I decided to schedule my annual exam on my birthday. Now I will always remember when it's time for my annual gift to myself -- preventive health care. -- ANNUAL ALISON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANNUAL ALISON: That's an excellent suggestion. Associating annual medical exams with a holiday -- like Valentine's Day -- would be another.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)