DEAR ABBY: "Heartbroken Teacher in Oakland, Calif." (Jan. 14) did absolutely nothing wrong! He wrote a letter of recommendation based on his knowledge and impression of one of his students. That was all he could and should have done. He wasn't obligated to do a background check or any kind of research. That is for the future employer to do if he/she chooses.

I also teach, and would have done exactly the same as he did. It is shocking and sad to discover that one's impression of a student was partially incorrect. Keeping secrets about past wrongdoings is nothing new. But social networking sites make the evidence of such behavior more accessible. This is an issue for our society to address. -- HELEN IN LOMPOC, CALIF.

DEAR HELEN: I agree. And only time will tell how it will be resolved. That letter, from a teacher shocked to learn a respected student had posted inappropriate stories about herself online, generated tons of responses from both here and abroad. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old education student. I don't have a social networking site, nor do I have any desire to create one. I don't understand the importance of posting pictures and personal information on the Internet for all to see. My father, a computer programmer, taught me that once something is posted on the Internet, it's there forever, regardless of whether it is deleted or not.

When I ask classmates why they use a social networking site, the most common answer is, "To stay in touch with family and friends." The last time I checked, the telephone was used for that reason. -- KIM IN ORADELL, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: I am tired of living in a world that revolves around social networking sites. As a 20-something, I have friends who don't think twice about what they post. They'll tell the world anything -- from drug use, sex stories, their latest vandalism to their disgusting underage drunken escapades. They also include semi-nude photos of themselves because they think it's cute. I truly am ... ASHAMED OF MY GENERATION, RED OAK, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: As teachers, we never completely see the character of our students. I interact with them outside of the classroom, but only at lunch and in student groups. No matter how friendly I become with my students, I am always their teacher, so I can never fully know who they are, and I never assume that I do.

When I write a recommendation, I can only comment on the person I was able to observe as their teacher (or rarely, mentor). My recommendation letters often mention my boundaries of perception, and I never go beyond that. Teachers shouldn't fear the repercussions of their comments if they honestly state what they observed. -- CHRISTENSEN IN DAEGU, SOUTH KOREA

DEAR ABBY: Employers managed for centuries without being able to learn a person's life story at the click of a button. There's a reason it's called "social networking." If we wanted our employers there, we'd invite them. Anyone who snoops uninvited is invading our privacy. My employer pays me for the time I am at work. The rest of the time, I should be free to do as I please. -- CHRISTOPHER IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, we had a different definition of "friend." A friend was a flesh-and-blood person with whom one visited face-to-face, not some image on an electronic screen. Before I'm branded an old fogy, let me say I realize social networking sites have advantages and disadvantages.

In my youth -- and occasionally even now -- when I get together with friends, discretion is sometimes thrown to the wind. But if I decide to put the proverbial lamp shade on my head, it's in the company of a chosen few. Why do the youth of today pride themselves in exposing their indiscretions? Do they really need a record of all the times they acted like a jackass? -- RATIONAL IN JOHNSTOWN, PA.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have read with interest your columns with tales of discontent involving overbearing in-laws. Some of them have been downright frightening, although, of course, not all in-law relationships are fraught with conflict.

I bring this up because I'm about to become a mother-in-law for the first time. My oldest son will marry his longtime girlfriend early this summer. She's a lovely girl, and we already consider her to be a cherished member of our family.

I remember a "Mother-in-Law's Prayer" that ran in your column years ago. It was a kind of "pep talk" from a woman to herself as she approaches mother-in-law status. I found it quite humorous. Would you please reprint it for me and for other mothers-in-law as the spring wedding season beckons? Hopefully, I won't need to refer to it often. Also, how can I get the booklet that contains it? -- KATHERINE M., FORT WAYNE, IND.

DEAR KATHERINE: Congratulations on your son's forthcoming wedding. The item you referenced has been asked for many times.

Over the years, readers have requested that I reprint articles that have special meaning to them on subjects such as parenting, children, animals, aging, death, forgiveness, etc. My booklet ("Keepers") contains 72 column pieces that people have told me they kept to re-read until the pieces were yellow with age and falling apart. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You'll find stories, poems and prayers like the one below to inspire you, make you think or simply brighten your day.

If all mother-in-law relationships were judged solely by the letters in my column, many people would conclude that it's an emotional minefield. I discussed this subject with a psychiatrist who shared that a mother-in-law who is perceived as overbearing may be one who was a conscientious mother. But now that her child is grown, she finds it difficult to relinquish her role as teacher and protector and quit "hovering" -- an interesting observation.

A MOTHER-IN-LAW'S PRAYER

"O, Lord, help me to be glad when my son (or daughter) picks a mate. If he brings home a girl with two heads, let me love both of them equally. And when my son says, 'Mom, I want to get married,' forbid that I should blurt out, 'How far along is she?'

"And please, Lord, help me to get through the wedding preparations without a squabble with the 'other side.' And drive from my mind the belief that had my child waited a while, he or she could have done better.

"Dear Lord, remind me daily that when I become a grandmother, my children don't want advice on how to raise their children any more than I did when I was raising mine.

"If you will help me to do these things, perhaps my children will find me a joy to be around, and maybe I won't have to write a 'Dear Abby' letter complaining about my children neglecting me. Amen."

DEAR ABBY: My job requires me to travel out of town several nights a week, leaving my wife home alone. She recently invited a mutual (male) friend out for dinner during my absence. He's the other half of a couple we socialize with frequently. (His wife was also out of town.)

I told her I was uncomfortable with it. I don't think married men and women should go out alone with members of the opposite sex. She maintains that it wasn't a "date," that she was just having a meal with a friend.

I value your opinion and would like to know how you feel about this. Did I overreact? Is it appropriate for a married woman to go out for a meal alone with a man other than her husband? -- FEELING CHEATED ON IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FEELING CHEATED ON: With some couples this wouldn't be an issue. However, how I feel about it is not as important as how you feel about it. If you have explained your feelings to your wife and she knows it made you uncomfortable -- innocent as it was -- then it shouldn't be repeated. I can't help but wonder how she would react if you told her you had run into the man's wife on one of your business trips and the two of you had had dinner together -- and plan to do so again in the future.

DEAR ABBY: Whenever my father comes into my room to wake me up, he opens the shutters on my windows. After spending hours in a dark room, the bright light hurts my eyes.

I have talked to him about it several times, but usually find myself apologizing for being overly sensitive about the matter.

Abby, even when he has promised not to, he still does it. Is there anything I can do to make him stop? -- SENSITIVE EYES IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR SENSITIVE EYES: Yes, there is. Take responsibility for waking yourself up by getting an alarm clock so you no longer need your father's "help."

DEAR ABBY: My husband's sister is being married in a few months. The wedding is in her hometown, which is more than 1,400 miles from where we live. My husband and I have three small children.

Taking our entire family and staying for three or four days will cost almost $3,000. Two of the children would not be able to attend the ceremony without causing a disruption, due to naps, feeding, etc. In spite of the financial burden and the fact that it will be a difficult trip for the children, the bride-to-be is demanding that all of us be there.

Abby, are we obligated to make this trip, or would it be acceptable for only my husband to attend? If he goes alone, he will have time with his sister and the rest of the family, whom he does not get to see very often. We want to do the right thing, but the reality is that taking our family of five would be difficult and stressful for everyone. -- ANXIOUS IN OHIO

DEAR ANXIOUS: Your husband needs to assert himself and talk some sense into his sister. While it is wonderful that she would like to have all of you at her wedding, an invitation is a request -- not a summons. If being there with the children would be stressful financially, logistically and emotionally, you are right to stay home.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)