DEAR ABBY: I am 67 and my roommate is 62. He and I could be out dating every night of the week. We get calls here like it is a fraternity house. I think it's because we know how to treat women.

I hear other men our age complain they can't get a date or find the "right" woman. They say they are lonely, always being "used," etc. I tell them: Get a life! Think of someone besides yourself.

My buddy and I think in terms of what would please the lady. Other guys think a romantic date is grabbing a bite at a fast-food restaurant, renting a violent movie, or flopping at the woman's house and falling asleep after she's made him a home-cooked meal. I say: Learn to dance, get some new clothes, ask a woman what her interests are. I did it, and I've learned to enjoy art shows, plays, visiting flea markets, etc.

A lady once told me, "You don't need a woman. You are a great cook, and you iron better than I do." My answer to her was, "Those are not the things I need a lady for."

So, Abby, my advice to lonely old men is this: Get your act together! As Auntie Mame said, "Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death." -- HAVING A PEACH OF A TIME IN GEORGIA

DEAR HAVING A PEACH: Thank you for your enlightened philosophy. My crystal ball tells me that neither you nor your buddy will ever be starving for food at the banquet of life -- or attention and affection, either.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your future in-laws tell other relatives that they intend to ruin your upcoming wedding? They are upset because they were not included in the wedding party. My future mother-in-law let it be known she's dressing up like a hooker!

I have family members who are police officers coming to the wedding. The only idea I can come up with to prevent it is to ask them to guard the door of the church, and if need be, escort these unruly people out before they can raise a ruckus.

As you might have gathered, my fiance's parents don't want me to marry their son. -- ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

DEAR ON THE VERGE: Take a deep breath and talk to your fiance about eloping. Once your in-laws accept the fact that the knot has already been tied, you can host a lovely reception. When the time comes, give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they'll behave themselves. Use the police only as a last resort, but if it comes to that, cross your fingers and hope your mother-in-law solicits one of them.

DEAR ABBY: At a cocktail party last night, the hostess handed me a glass of wine. When I started to take a sip, I noticed the glass was filthy. My immediate reaction was, "Alcohol kills germs." But the thought of putting the glass to my mouth was distasteful, so I told her the wine was "too sweet for my taste." She then handed me another glass of wine, and that one was as dirty as the first! How should I have handled it? -- NOT CRYSTAL CLEAR IN WISCONSIN

DEAR NOT CRYSTAL CLEAR: The first time it happened, you should have said, "Oops! This glass didn't make it through the dishwasher" and returned it to your hostess. When it happened again, you should have said, "... this one, too." Then you should have asked for something you could drink from the original container. Sensible person that you are, I'm sure you didn't partake of the hors d'oeuvres, and won't be partying there again. Right?

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Jealous of the Four-Legged Mistress" (Jan. 31) that her husband, "Monty," needs to "put her in a higher rank in the pack," because he pays more attention to "Ginger," the dog, than he does his wife.

My heart ached for Ginger. She's clinging to the one parent she has left and trying to make sure she doesn't lose him, too. Ginger and the other dog are suffering from separation anxiety. If dogs don't have a routine, they have a hard time learning to trust.

If "Jealous" wants to make friends with the dogs, she should take them for a daily 30-minute walk. She may have to walk them separately at first, but once they get used to it, she can walk them together. In addition, she should start feeding them. After a few weeks of this routine, I guarantee Ginger will start paying attention to her new mistress, and after a while, "Jealous" will find herself a permanent object of Ginger's affection.

If some chew toys and closed doors don't improve Monty's attention to his wife's physical needs, then it's time to see a marriage counselor. -- MAMA OF A RESCUED DOG

DEAR MAMA: Like you, many readers were unwilling to let sleeping dogs lie. They made no bones about offering helpful suggestions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Many of the behaviors "Jealous" described -- following her husband around and being first to greet him at the door -- are perfectly normal. People keep pets for their devotion and affection, and Ginger is an example of what dogs do that produce rewards for them.

I think the real issue is that the wife is concerned her husband is more affectionate toward Ginger. She shouldn't blame the dog for doing what comes naturally. -- ERICA IN SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Losing his first wife was traumatic not only for Monty, but also for the two dogs. Perhaps Ginger is more bereft over the loss if she was close to his deceased wife. Animals experience loss, too. Instead of feeling threatened, "Jealous" should talk to a professional who can help her learn to gain Ginger's trust, loyalty and affection instead of competing with her. It's possible "Jealous'" physical needs are being neglected because of her attitude. -- JAMIE IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: Because dogs "love the one they're with," "Jealous" should spend quality time with Ginger. Take her for walks, give her treats and win her over with kindness. As a boarding kennel operator, I deal with clingy dogs all the time. It's my job to make them feel at home and develop a bond with them. Consequently, the pets I take care of love me as much as they do their owners.

"Jealous" sounds very insecure. She needs to learn a little about canines to understand that Ginger's behavior is acceptable. -- DOG LADY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: I, too, had to race to the door to be the first to get my ex-husband's attention. I never won. That vindictive mutt wet only on my side of the bed. It grabbed the pot roast from the counter and hid under the bed, and when I reached under to take it back, it bit me! When I screamed in pain, the one who was supposed to love me best yelled, "Don't hurt the dog!"

I am now happily married to an angel of a man who puts me first. No woman needs to take second place to a dog. -- MOTHER OF EIGHT IN UTAH

DEAR ABBY: When my husband is mad at me, he will recite all the good things he has done for me, but "forgets" all but one or two things I have done for him.

I try to be considerate and caring every single day, and when I can't recite the list of the good things I do, I end up feeling low and unworthy.

Shouldn't kindness be given just because you love and care about someone? Am I wrong to feel bad because I can't summon up at the drop of a hat every little thing I do all the time? Why should I even have to point out these things in the first place? Your opinion would be greatly appreciated. -- IT'S A SHORT LIST

DEAR SHORT LIST: When a person is being berated and adrenaline is rushing through her system, it's not surprising that she isn't capable of a long oration. The instinct is probably to run for cover.

What you have said is right on target. So, please, take a few minutes (or more) while you are calm and make a list of all the good things you do and have done for your spouse. Then make about 100 copies. And when your husband starts that lecture again -- and you know he will -- hand him one.

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently established a Facebook account in order to reach out and keep up with her family and friends. I've had an account for a few years, but I am not very active. I asked her to be my "friend," but she refused. She is extremely conscious of her image and claims I might send her something her friends and family could interpret as controversial and damaging to her professional or personal reputation.

What does this say about her feelings toward me? Does she perceive me as a liability? What avenue should I take to find out where I stand with her in the pecking order of importance? -- BLOCKED IN HOUSTON

DEAR BLOCKED: What this says about your wife's feelings is that some of your behavior has embarrassed her in the past, or she is posting something online that she doesn't want you to see. Or, she may be hiding something -- whether it's something she's doing or something she's saying. You two need to work on your communication skills, online and offline.

DEAR ABBY: I'm one of those daughters-in-law who are "unkind" and "ignore" their mothers-in-law. I'm shocked you didn't ask that mother-in-law who wrote you about her daughter-in-law (Feb. 6) why it was happening.

In my case it's because she belittles me, is rude and finds fault with everything I do. An actual complaint she made was that I didn't make enough eye contact with her during a family party. Abby, there were 10 other guests and she was across the room.

When I speak to my mother-in-law, she constantly reinterprets what I say, giving my words her own meaning; then she becomes offended by the meaning she assigned, not what I said. I am her son's wife; I am not a doormat. I'm the mother of her grandkids, and it's not my responsibility to fulfill her emotional need to feel important.

A healthy relationship is a two-way street, whether it's between spouses, parents and children or daughters-in-law with their mothers-in-law. -- DISGUSTED DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR DISGUSTED: There are often two sides to every story, and I'm sorry your relationship with your mother-in-law is such a poor one. Thank you for writing and sharing the other side.