DEAR ABBY: You advised "Jealous of the Four-Legged Mistress" (Jan. 31) that her husband, "Monty," needs to "put her in a higher rank in the pack," because he pays more attention to "Ginger," the dog, than he does his wife.

My heart ached for Ginger. She's clinging to the one parent she has left and trying to make sure she doesn't lose him, too. Ginger and the other dog are suffering from separation anxiety. If dogs don't have a routine, they have a hard time learning to trust.

If "Jealous" wants to make friends with the dogs, she should take them for a daily 30-minute walk. She may have to walk them separately at first, but once they get used to it, she can walk them together. In addition, she should start feeding them. After a few weeks of this routine, I guarantee Ginger will start paying attention to her new mistress, and after a while, "Jealous" will find herself a permanent object of Ginger's affection.

If some chew toys and closed doors don't improve Monty's attention to his wife's physical needs, then it's time to see a marriage counselor. -- MAMA OF A RESCUED DOG

DEAR MAMA: Like you, many readers were unwilling to let sleeping dogs lie. They made no bones about offering helpful suggestions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Many of the behaviors "Jealous" described -- following her husband around and being first to greet him at the door -- are perfectly normal. People keep pets for their devotion and affection, and Ginger is an example of what dogs do that produce rewards for them.

I think the real issue is that the wife is concerned her husband is more affectionate toward Ginger. She shouldn't blame the dog for doing what comes naturally. -- ERICA IN SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Losing his first wife was traumatic not only for Monty, but also for the two dogs. Perhaps Ginger is more bereft over the loss if she was close to his deceased wife. Animals experience loss, too. Instead of feeling threatened, "Jealous" should talk to a professional who can help her learn to gain Ginger's trust, loyalty and affection instead of competing with her. It's possible "Jealous'" physical needs are being neglected because of her attitude. -- JAMIE IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: Because dogs "love the one they're with," "Jealous" should spend quality time with Ginger. Take her for walks, give her treats and win her over with kindness. As a boarding kennel operator, I deal with clingy dogs all the time. It's my job to make them feel at home and develop a bond with them. Consequently, the pets I take care of love me as much as they do their owners.

"Jealous" sounds very insecure. She needs to learn a little about canines to understand that Ginger's behavior is acceptable. -- DOG LADY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: I, too, had to race to the door to be the first to get my ex-husband's attention. I never won. That vindictive mutt wet only on my side of the bed. It grabbed the pot roast from the counter and hid under the bed, and when I reached under to take it back, it bit me! When I screamed in pain, the one who was supposed to love me best yelled, "Don't hurt the dog!"

I am now happily married to an angel of a man who puts me first. No woman needs to take second place to a dog. -- MOTHER OF EIGHT IN UTAH

DEAR ABBY: When my husband is mad at me, he will recite all the good things he has done for me, but "forgets" all but one or two things I have done for him.

I try to be considerate and caring every single day, and when I can't recite the list of the good things I do, I end up feeling low and unworthy.

Shouldn't kindness be given just because you love and care about someone? Am I wrong to feel bad because I can't summon up at the drop of a hat every little thing I do all the time? Why should I even have to point out these things in the first place? Your opinion would be greatly appreciated. -- IT'S A SHORT LIST

DEAR SHORT LIST: When a person is being berated and adrenaline is rushing through her system, it's not surprising that she isn't capable of a long oration. The instinct is probably to run for cover.

What you have said is right on target. So, please, take a few minutes (or more) while you are calm and make a list of all the good things you do and have done for your spouse. Then make about 100 copies. And when your husband starts that lecture again -- and you know he will -- hand him one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm one of those daughters-in-law who are "unkind" and "ignore" their mothers-in-law. I'm shocked you didn't ask that mother-in-law who wrote you about her daughter-in-law (Feb. 6) why it was happening.

In my case it's because she belittles me, is rude and finds fault with everything I do. An actual complaint she made was that I didn't make enough eye contact with her during a family party. Abby, there were 10 other guests and she was across the room.

When I speak to my mother-in-law, she constantly reinterprets what I say, giving my words her own meaning; then she becomes offended by the meaning she assigned, not what I said. I am her son's wife; I am not a doormat. I'm the mother of her grandkids, and it's not my responsibility to fulfill her emotional need to feel important.

A healthy relationship is a two-way street, whether it's between spouses, parents and children or daughters-in-law with their mothers-in-law. -- DISGUSTED DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR DISGUSTED: There are often two sides to every story, and I'm sorry your relationship with your mother-in-law is such a poor one. Thank you for writing and sharing the other side.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of a U.S. Navy sailor who has been the recipient of random acts of kindness from complete strangers. I was most affected personally when a woman stopped us in a large parking garage in Chicago to say, "Thank you for your service, young man." And there was a stranger who paid for my son's meal in an airport when he had a layover on his way home for Christmas. Another time, we were in a line to see a movie and the attendant waved us to the front of the line -- and everyone smiled about it.

Whenever my son goes anywhere in uniform, he's stopped by people who just want to say thank you.

I'm amazed and thrilled. Part of the reason I am so touched is I was a teenager living in San Diego during the Vietnam era. At that time, young people in the military were cursed and reviled. It was a shameful time in our history when people serving their country could not be proud of their service. Today, I am proud of my son, and he is able to be proud of himself and his decision to enlist in the Navy.

So, thank you to all you folks who show your gratitude to our service members by the little things you do. You not only touch that person, but their extended family as well. -- PROUD MOM IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.

DEAR PROUD MOM: I'm pleased to pass along your sentiments -- and honored you chose me to be the messenger. All of us owe our thanks and support to those brave young men and women who have dedicated themselves -- and who risk their lives -- in service to our country. Not only should we thank them when we see them, but we should also pray for their safe return.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a large department store attached to a shopping mall. Because many of the stores have no restrooms, customers come into our store to use the facilities. I'm happy they do because it gives us more business. However, I'm confused by some of the patrons.

I think it shows good manners to end a cell phone call when visiting a restroom. While I was in there today, a woman entered the stall next to me and continued talking on her phone the entire time she was in there! It's disgusting, but it happens all the time. I'm uncomfortable using the restroom while someone is on the phone, and I'd be very offended if I was on the other end of the line.

What's proper etiquette regarding cell phones in public restrooms? Is there anything I could say to someone who does this? -- TRYING TO DO MY BUSINESS

DEAR TRYING: Your complaint is one I'm hearing increasingly often. For your safety, I do not advise correcting the manners of a stranger. While common sense and consideration for others (including the person on the other end of the line as well as the occupant of the next stall) would dictate conversation be put on hold while on the toilet, nothing you or I can do will prevent this invasion of personal privacy -- short of bringing a loud whoopee cushion with you during breaks and squeezing it in self-defense.

P.S. If you think we have it bad in the ladies' room, I have also heard about men talking on their cell phones while standing at the urinals. Heaven help us.