DEAR ABBY: Thank you for printing the letter from the woman who paid for her neighbor's children's school lunch bill. "Lending a Hand in the Midwest" (Jan. 10) was angry to discover they didn't qualify for free lunches because "their parents were just a couple of dollars over the limit." To top it off, the children's father is doing his second tour in Afghanistan.

Because you encouraged your readers to contact local schools to give a few dollars to a child in need of a meal, it inspired me to speak to the principal in our district. Not only did the principal like my fundraising idea, he has allowed me time on campus to promote the fundraiser.

Twenty-seven students will be joining me after school in making lollipops to sell at an upcoming event. Local businesses and individuals have donated most of the supplies necessary to make this a successful drive to help the children in need. Our goal is to raise $1,000 for this cause.

I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to "Lending" for sharing a great idea. -- HAPPILY PAYING IT FORWARD IN HAWAII

DEAR HAPPILY: Thank you for spreading the message. "Lending's" generous act of kindness elicited many interesting and thought-provoking responses. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a member of the Veterans of Foreign Wars, the Vietnam Veterans of America, the American Legion and the American Legion Riders Association. One of the main functions of our organizations is to help our veterans and their families in any way we can. You would be amazed at the monies and help expended to our veterans, soldiers and their families that doesn't make the news because being "needy" is perceived as some kind of fault.

To respond to a need, we must know about it. Abby, please tell your readers if there is a problem, contact your local VFW, American Legion, AmVets, etc. and we will respond. -- FRANK IN BURLINGTON, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: I am currently serving in the military and have never thought to donate to school lunches. I'm happy knowing people are watching out for the troops' kids. As soon as I return home from Iraq, I will make the call to see where I can help. -- AIRMAN WHO HAS BEEN THERE

DEAR ABBY: A lot of families are in the same situation. We have three kids and are $8 over the "allowed financial amount." What's not taken into consideration is the $100 my husband pays for Internet each month he's serving in Afghanistan so our 8-year-old son with Asperger's can "see" his daddy. This lessens the anxiety, compounded by his dad's deployment, that is associated with his autism. God bless "Lending a Hand" for her gift to that family. -- ABBIE IN RINEYVILLE, KY.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a public school. The administrators and the school nurse have daily contact with "kids in need" who could benefit enormously from small donations. I encourage people to contact their local schools and inquire about donating new clothes and/or toiletries to a child in need. The child's identity will not be revealed, but sizes and current clothing trends can be provided, and the donor will have the satisfaction of knowing the donation is helping a child "fit in" and will make a huge difference in that child's self-esteem. -- MARCIA IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: My son's homework was to find three living heroes in today's world. I showed him the letter from "Lending a Hand" and told him the writer is a perfect example of a hero. Giving of oneself is a lesson I'm trying to teach my son so lending a helping hand will be second nature to him. -- MELISSA IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who, after nearly 25 years, is back on the dating scene. Those years were spent in a same-sex relationship. I just happened to fall in love with a woman. I have custody of our child from the union.

I do not put a label on my sexual orientation. I would like to meet a nice man and pursue a new relationship. How do I let interested parties know about my past? Being back in the dating world is difficult enough without having to explain an unusual history. -- BACK IN THE GAME IN ARIZONA

DEAR BACK IN THE GAME: The subject of where you have been for the last 25 years is bound to come up early in a relationship -- or even before there's a relationship. My advice is to just be honest. And may I be frank? Some men will find the idea that you were with another woman titillating, while others may even find it a challenge. So don't jump into anything too quickly.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a certified massage therapist who attended a reputable massage therapy school. I worked hard for my certification because my goal is to relieve people of chronic pain issues.

When I'm asked what I do for a living, men start making jokes that imply I'm the type of masseuse who massages naked men for their sexual pleasure. I find this more than a little insulting. They think they're being funny, but I don't!

How can I discourage these innuendos? Should I ignore them and hope they get the point from the expression on my face? -- OFFENDED THERAPIST IN MICHIGAN

DEAR OFFENDED: When someone makes an offensive comment, I see nothing wrong in letting that person know he has "rubbed" you the wrong way. Tell him you studied hard to be in a healing profession -- that the innuendo is insulting and not funny, and you're not "that kind" of girl. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My hubby is a smoker. He was one when we married. He promised he'd quit before our wedding; it didn't happen. When I became pregnant, he promised again he would stop. Didn't happen.

Our son is now 2 years old and "Tom" still sneaks out to smoke, and I am sure he does at work, too. His mother passed a year ago from cancer -- she was a longtime smoker, and his father has now been diagnosed with cancer. (He's a longtime smoker, too.)

I am terrified for Tom and our family. What can I do other than threaten, cry, etc. to get him to stop? -- KELLY IN TEXAS

DEAR KELLY: You're right to be worried and you have my sympathy. Smoking cessation programs are available through the American Cancer Society, but work only if the smoker is willing to avail himself. Nothing you can do will "make" your husband give up tobacco. He has been nicotine-saturated from birth. Smoking is the most preventable cause of death in the U.S. If the fact that both his parents were diagnosed with cancer -- probably from smoking -- hasn't convinced him to stop, frankly, nothing will.

You can protect your son by insisting that Tom not smoke in the boy's presence -- and when he's old enough, that he understands that his father has an addiction and cannot stop, as a warning not to start. Then pray the "family tradition" isn't passed down yet again.

DEAR ABBY: I need advice from someone who doesn't know me personally. My husband and I have been married four years and have three lovely kids. Recently we have hit hard times.

A few months ago my husband lost his job, and from there we hit rock bottom. Right now we are sleeping in our car. My problem is I don't like having my kids live like this. It makes me mad and I feel like a bad parent. I could go to a women's shelter, but I don't want to break up my family. I'm scared, and I'm not sure what to do.

My husband is working now, but we don't have enough money to get an apartment, so I was considering staying in a hotel -- but it will take some time before we can do that. Do you think we should stay at the shelter until we have a place, or until we can get a hotel room? I need some serious advice. -- SCARED IN LUBBOCK, TEXAS

DEAR SCARED: I'm glad you asked. You should check out the shelter and see what kind of accommodations they can make for you and your small children. It's a better, safer environment for them than five people sleeping in a car. I know this is a painful decision, but it isn't "breaking up the family." It is only temporary until you and your husband have saved enough for accommodations together again.

DEAR ABBY: For the last five years I have had no time for myself. I'm 30 and have a wonderful wife and two daughters, 7 and 4. I work a 40-hour week and go to school full-time.

I don't want to sound selfish, because I know that my priorities are my wife and daughters, and I enjoy spending "quality time" with them. But I also feel that every other week or so, I should be able to get away for a few hours by myself to enjoy 18 holes of golf or go fishing.

If I tell my wife I'm going to do something, she makes me feel guilty. If I ask, she gives me the third degree. I know she doesn't need or want time to herself because I have asked her repeatedly if she does, hoping she'd return the favor -- but she doesn't give me "permission."

Am I asking the impossible? How do I find time for myself and tell my wife without upsetting her? -- "SELFISH" IN SPRINGFIELD

DEAR "SELFISH": (Almost) everyone needs "alone time" to pursue personal interests and unwind. You have a full schedule and you deserve quality time for yourself. Out of consideration for your wife, ask her if playing golf or fishing on a specific day conflicts with any couple or family event she had planned. And be sure to tell her that having some time to yourself will make you a better husband and father -- because it's the truth. Then go and enjoy yourself, and don't feel guilty.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is new to Facebook and insists on posting something daily. The problem is he can't spell, and it's quite embarrassing. I've told him he should reread his posts before he sends them, but he doesn't. How should I handle this? -- CAN YOU SAY SPELL CHECK?

DEAR SPELL CHECK: Your boyfriend's problem isn't that he can't spell. It's that he's too lazy to use spell check. Much as you might like to "handle this" for him, you can't. Some people must learn their lessons the hard way, and until he embarrasses himself badly enough to proofread his postings, he'll continue not checking his spelling.

Warning: Do not step in and become his editor or it could become a full-time job.