DEAR ABBY: I need advice from someone who doesn't know me personally. My husband and I have been married four years and have three lovely kids. Recently we have hit hard times.

A few months ago my husband lost his job, and from there we hit rock bottom. Right now we are sleeping in our car. My problem is I don't like having my kids live like this. It makes me mad and I feel like a bad parent. I could go to a women's shelter, but I don't want to break up my family. I'm scared, and I'm not sure what to do.

My husband is working now, but we don't have enough money to get an apartment, so I was considering staying in a hotel -- but it will take some time before we can do that. Do you think we should stay at the shelter until we have a place, or until we can get a hotel room? I need some serious advice. -- SCARED IN LUBBOCK, TEXAS

DEAR SCARED: I'm glad you asked. You should check out the shelter and see what kind of accommodations they can make for you and your small children. It's a better, safer environment for them than five people sleeping in a car. I know this is a painful decision, but it isn't "breaking up the family." It is only temporary until you and your husband have saved enough for accommodations together again.

DEAR ABBY: For the last five years I have had no time for myself. I'm 30 and have a wonderful wife and two daughters, 7 and 4. I work a 40-hour week and go to school full-time.

I don't want to sound selfish, because I know that my priorities are my wife and daughters, and I enjoy spending "quality time" with them. But I also feel that every other week or so, I should be able to get away for a few hours by myself to enjoy 18 holes of golf or go fishing.

If I tell my wife I'm going to do something, she makes me feel guilty. If I ask, she gives me the third degree. I know she doesn't need or want time to herself because I have asked her repeatedly if she does, hoping she'd return the favor -- but she doesn't give me "permission."

Am I asking the impossible? How do I find time for myself and tell my wife without upsetting her? -- "SELFISH" IN SPRINGFIELD

DEAR "SELFISH": (Almost) everyone needs "alone time" to pursue personal interests and unwind. You have a full schedule and you deserve quality time for yourself. Out of consideration for your wife, ask her if playing golf or fishing on a specific day conflicts with any couple or family event she had planned. And be sure to tell her that having some time to yourself will make you a better husband and father -- because it's the truth. Then go and enjoy yourself, and don't feel guilty.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is new to Facebook and insists on posting something daily. The problem is he can't spell, and it's quite embarrassing. I've told him he should reread his posts before he sends them, but he doesn't. How should I handle this? -- CAN YOU SAY SPELL CHECK?

DEAR SPELL CHECK: Your boyfriend's problem isn't that he can't spell. It's that he's too lazy to use spell check. Much as you might like to "handle this" for him, you can't. Some people must learn their lessons the hard way, and until he embarrasses himself badly enough to proofread his postings, he'll continue not checking his spelling.

Warning: Do not step in and become his editor or it could become a full-time job.

DEAR ABBY: My stepmother -- the only mother I have ever known -- has been clinically diagnosed with a paranoid personality. This means she is suspicious, a martyr in any situation and flatly denies anything she thinks would cast her in a negative light. She can be very convincing. Once or twice she has even convinced me that my memories were wrong, although the facts were later corroborated by other family members.

People who can't see through her "act" consider my mother to be a saint. Those who see her clearly know that she's spiteful and vindictive. She has, for years, refused to take her prescribed medicine and won't explore any other treatment. She insists the problem is with everyone else, especially me.

You have told others about the need to cut toxic friends and relatives out of their lives, but how does one do it? I know there will never be closure or a good relationship, but I can't help wanting one. I'm in my mid-30s and feel if my mother doesn't love me, how can anyone else? -- NEEDS A RESOLUTION IN GEORGIA

DEAR NEEDS A RESOLUTION: You have more than one problem. Removing toxic individuals from one's life is as easy as refusing to go along with their behavior. Once you draw the line, those people will "help" you by cutting you out of theirs. Your mother's mental illness may prevent her from loving anyone -- not you specifically.

I hope you realize how important it is to discuss your feelings with a licensed psychotherapist. You have an entire upbringing by a woman with a damaged personality to overcome. The fact that she couldn't love you does not mean you are unlovable. And the sooner you are able to accept that, the more lovable you will be because you will like yourself more.

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago I was suddenly widowed after many years of marriage. Because I was totally "available," I became very involved with my children and grandchildren. I did not date.

About a year ago, that changed. I met "Gerald," a man who makes me very happy. We enjoy dinners together, dancing and travel. We spend three nights a week together -- usually at my place.

My brothers and friends are happy for me, but my daughters have not accepted him. They are civil in his presence, but in private they put him down. Their objections are: Gerald is more reserved than their father was, he takes up a lot of my time, that I'm "acting like a schoolgirl," and the sleepovers set a bad example for the grandkids. (They are not present when this occurs.)

I have told my daughters repeatedly how happy I am and how hurtful I find their comments. I refuse to listen to their negative comments, but they always come up. I don't want to alienate them and possibly have my time with my grandkids limited, but Gerald is going to be in my life for a while.

Any advice? -- GERALD'S "GIRL"

DEAR GERALD'S "GIRL": As an adult you have the right to live your life as you choose. Because you have already told your daughters their comments are hurtful, it's time to stand your ground more strongly.

Your grandchildren will not be shocked that Gerald is spending nights with you if their parents do not discuss it with them or in front of them. They'll be off doing their own thing as teenagers and, much as they love you, you will not be the focus of their attention.

If your daughters threaten to punish you by limiting your time with the grandkids, let it be their problem. But do not give in to the treatment they are giving you because it is unfair and uncalled-for.

DEAR ABBY: After working 15 years for the same company, I was let go last August. I have called my former co-workers/friends just to stay in touch. I don't dwell on what I'm going through; I just want to enjoy some companionship.

I have asked if they would like to meet for coffee before or after work. Only two ever seem to want to get together. It hurts, because we always shared birthdays, happy hour outings, etc. My phone rarely rings, and I am now seeing a doctor for depression.

Abby, please let your readers know that those of us who have lost their jobs are still trying to maintain relationships. It's hard enough not having a job, but it's harder realizing friends have turned their backs on you. -- FORGOTTEN IN KATY, TEXAS

DEAR FORGOTTEN: I know you're going through a difficult time, and glad that you talked to your physician about your depression. Take from this experience some valuable insight: The people who get together with you are your true friends. Those who no longer want contact may fear that unemployment is a communicable disease and were only acquaintances. And now you know who's who.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is insecure. I do what I can to make him feel loved, but he has a habit that drives me crazy. Many times over the course of a day he'll say, "I love you." He does this especially if there is any hint of disagreement.

At first I thought it was sweet, but after many years of marriage, I now understand that he just uses the words to get me to say it back to reassure him. Sometimes I do, but if I don't, he becomes increasingly distressed.

Should I just give him what he wants? It makes me feel like a puppet. -- TOO MUCH "LOVE"

DEAR TOO MUCH: Instead of "giving him what he wants," have you tried calmly calling him on it? Try this: "John, you know I love you. You hear it many times over the course of a day. But I find it, frankly, annoying that when we disagree about something, you tell me you love me and become increasingly distressed if I don't feel like saying it back at that moment. So, let it go for now."

Your husband needs to hear you say it -- almost as much as you need to get this off your chest.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law has liver cancer. Whenever I use the term to explain his condition, I say, "Dad is dying of liver cancer," which upsets my in-laws because they don't like to hear the word "dying." His cancer will ultimately take his life, so am I wrong, or are my in-laws being too sensitive? -- JUST BEING HONEST IN IOWA

DEAR JUST BEING HONEST: At this point you are wrong. Unless your father-in-law is at death's door he is LIVING with cancer. When you describe his condition as "dying," you create the impression that you are rushing him to the cemetery. He could live quite a while, so don't jump the gun. And no, your in-laws are NOT being "too sensitive."