DEAR ABBY: My adult son passed away nine months ago. I am mostly numb. My home has always been welcoming, and I have had friends and family here constantly -- but now they won't leave! They don't seem to "get" the fact that I need some time to be alone.

I love these people, but my heart is broken. The only person I want to see and spend time with is my surviving son. I have lost my enthusiasm for almost everything. I work full time and no longer want to be the "hostess." I am tired. My sons and I were close, and I raised them by myself.

How do I tell my friends and family members that I need to be alone without offending them? I want to do the right thing. -- HEARTBROKEN IN CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. I'm sure your friends and family care deeply about you and are only trying to be there for you.

However, you need to heal as best as you can in your own way from the death of your son. Thank them for their constant support, and explain that you need some time to be alone and cope with this without a crowd around. They will understand.

Working your way through the grieving process can be exhausting. But if your "tiredness" persists, I'm advising you to discuss it with your doctor because it can be a symptom of chronic depression, which is a medical condition.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a friendly, outgoing cashier at a grocery store. I enjoy chatting with customers. I particularly like some of them and look forward to them coming in. The problem is what I should do when they ask me for personal information, like my phone number or Facebook information.

In the last month, two customers asked to be my friends on Facebook and one asked for my phone number. I don't feel comfortable sharing this information with them. It's important for me to have a private life kept separate from my work life.

What is a polite way to let them know I don't want to give out that information? -- FACEBOOK-UNFRIENDLY IN LOVELAND, COLO.

DEAR FACEBOOK-UNFRIENDLY: Smile at the customer and, in your usual upbeat, friendly way, say: "You know, I think you are very nice -- but I keep my work life and personal life separate. I never mix the two. But thanks for asking." Period.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, "Sophia," repeatedly shirks her basic responsibilities. She routinely receives detention for not completing homework assignments and for failing to bring required materials to class. Despite my concern, Sophia continues with her usual shortcomings. This is causing a great deal of stress between us, and our relationship is now very poor. Should I keep pushing her or should I just allow her to fail? -- DISAPPOINTED MOM IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DISAPPOINTED MOM: Of course you shouldn't allow your daughter to fail. All mothers have to "push" sometimes. It goes with the territory. However, rather than letting it drive you and your daughter apart, talk with her teacher and see if she or he can give you some insight as to what's going on. If that doesn't help, then consult Sophia's pediatrician. The girl may have a neurological problem that's causing her behavior.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I live in a dorm at a large university where a former friend, "Glen," also lives. We are no longer on speaking terms because of an incident that happened last year.

One day during pre-finals week, I left my room briefly to get something from a friend's room down the hall. I left my door unlocked because I'd be back soon. When I returned a few minutes later, my laptop, my cell phone and several books full of class notes were missing. I was distraught almost to the point of a breakdown.

Later that night, Glen knocked on my door and revealed that he had hidden the items in his room to "teach me a lesson" about not locking my door. I was speechless that a "friend" could do such a thing to me.

I notified the police and officials at the university. Glen was arrested for theft and charged with a misdemeanor. The university terminated his scholarship, and he was sentenced to community service.

Glen is now blaming me for what happened. He claims what he did wasn't really "stealing" and that I ruined his life. He's harassing me at every opportunity and spreading misinformation to my friends.

I believe I acted justly to what was plainly a case of theft. Am I wrong? How should I act in the case of Glen's current behavior? -- VICTIM IN TEXAS

DEAR VICTIM: Your former friend appears to be emotionally disturbed. He has no one to blame but himself for what has happened to him. If you haven't already done so, warn him to stop the harassment -- and if he doesn't, report it to the authorities. And don't worry about the misinformation he is trying to spread among your friends. If they are truly your friends, they'll believe you when you tell them they're being lied to.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been arguing about his leaving the lights on throughout our house. He's convinced that it adds little to our electric bill, but it bothers me that every single light is left burning. I realize there is a cost difference between incandescent and fluorescent lighting, but leaving all the lights on seems unnecessary and wasteful to me. Could you please "shed some light" on our argument? -- LIT UP IN JOHNSON CITY, TENN.

DEAR LIT UP: According to the Renewable Energy Policy Project (REPP) in Washington, D.C., leaving a 100-watt incandescent bulb on for 12 hours a day for one month will add $40 per year to your electric bill. Multiply that by the number of bulbs in your home and it can add up quickly.

Fluorescent bulbs use fewer watts than incandescent bulbs, but turning them on ages the filaments -- so if they'll be turned on again within a minute or two, leave them on. (This is not a recommendation to leave fluorescent bulbs burning constantly, just a suggestion that if they won't be needed after a few minutes, to turn them off.)

LED bulbs are more expensive to buy, but they last longer, use less wattage and emit brighter light. However, when the illumination is no longer needed, they, too, should be extinguished.

P.S. Since your husband has money to burn, why not invest in motion sensors so he'll have light wherever he goes without inflating your energy bills?

DEAR ABBY: I am a fairly conservative young woman, and also somewhat shy. I have been dating a young man who comes from a much more casual culture than I do. This has its benefits -- he laughs often and deeply, and easily connects with people. But it also has its downside.

"Mac" has a terrible habit of talking publicly about what we do in the bedroom. He means it in a teasing way, and he's never insulting. He can't understand why it upsets me, although he is always remorseful when he realizes I'm angry. He worries that I'm ashamed of him and what we do, but I'm not. I just don't want it to be a topic of public discussion, especially with people from my church. I find it embarrassing to have my love life made public.

Mac is never mean-spirited, only vulgar, which to him is acceptable. I love him. He's a strong, kind and generous man. But I do not feel respected. The truth is, he just doesn't know how to treat me with respect. What can I do? -- WOMAN OF CHARACTER

DEAR WOMAN OF CHARACTER: Mac is "always" remorseful? You should not have had to tell him more than once that his talking about your sex life made you uncomfortable. He appears to crave attention any way he can get it. His lack of sensitivity for your feelings is a red flag.

Mac may be funny, strong, kind and generous, but because he doesn't understand boundaries, he isn't likely to change. What you must do is ask yourself if this is the way you want the rest of your life to be, because if you continue this relationship, this will be your reality -- and nothing will be kept private.

DEAR ABBY: "Clyde" and I dated as teenagers. After we separated, he married someone else. We met up again and had an affair, which resulted in two children. I ended it because it was going nowhere and raised the children alone.

Clyde and I have now come full circle. After separating from his wife, he sought me out. I have loved only him my entire life. We have been living together for several years now, and I have an engagement ring with no hope of marriage. He keeps telling me his wife is holding up the divorce.

Abby, how long can one person hold up a divorce? I have waited 25 years for this man, and I don't know if I will wait forever. -- TIRED OF WAITING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TIRED OF WAITING: Clyde may not have been completely honest with you. I ran your letter by a family law specialist who informed me that here in the U.S.A. no one can be forced to stay married against his or her will. A divorce is a court proceeding. A spouse can stall signing an agreement -- the division of property would be an example -- but not a court process.

As for your being unwilling to wait for Clyde "forever" -- you have already done that. Twenty-five years of waiting for a man who's unavailable is forever.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a dentist. There are two other staff members besides me.

The dentist occasionally receives gifts (goodie baskets, flowers, baked goods, etc.) from specialists thanking him for referring patients to them. These gifts usually have cards that say "To Doctor and Staff," but he never shares any of it with us; he takes it all home. Should I approach him about this? -- NO PERKS IN INDIANA

DEAR NO PERKS: I don't think so. While your feelings are understandable, you would have nothing to gain but poundage. And besides, it's almost impossible to shame the shameless.