DEAR ABBY: I recently married a wonderful man. Our wedding day was going perfectly and I had all the family I loved around me -- including my divorced grandparents.

My grandfather has remarried, but still had a lot of unfinished legal business with Grandma that needed settling. Grandpa thought my wedding reception would be a good place to do it and served her with court papers there.

I was so upset that he would do this on my special day, I have stopped talking to him. He dropped by my mom's one day and I ignored him. He told me if I wanted to "divorce" him as my grandfather I could, but that he wasn't wrong and wouldn't apologize for it.

Please tell me what you think. Am I wrong for expecting him to apologize to me for what he did? -- NEW IOWA BRIDE

DEAR NEW BRIDE: Your grandfather owes all concerned that day an apology. His judgment was atrocious. But please don't hold your breath waiting for him to offer one. Your grandfather is self-centered, self-righteous, insensitive and stubborn, and it won't be forthcoming.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife and I go to a buffet for lunch or dinner, she takes too much food on purpose to take home with her. I say it's wrong because you pay for what you eat, not what you "carry out." She insists that paying means she can take whatever amount she wants.

The last time we went, she actually waited for more chicken to be brought out so she could put three pieces in a napkin before we left. Now she's mad at me because I told her it was wrong. I'll live by what you say, Abby. What is it? -- CRYING "FOWL" IN LAKEWOOD, CALIF.

DEAR CRYING "FOWL": Your wife isn't mad at you because you told her what she did was wrong. She's pouting because she doesn't want to admit that you were right -- that she was pulling a fast one and you didn't approve. If all the patrons behaved as she does, the restaurant would not be able to break even, let alone make a profit. Her behavior was not just tacky; it showed a distinct lack of character.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a person who makes fun of others about various "shortcomings" (e.g., being computer illiterate) while she knows little about these subjects herself? I am weary of listening to her whining voice belittling others. She's always talking about how "stupid" this person is, and how "dumb" that person is.

The individual I'm describing is my mother. Growing up, I didn't know differently. But as an adult and a mother myself, I cringe when she says these things. My 10-year-old daughter has asked me why Grandma makes fun of people. Is my mother a bully? -- NAILS ON A BLACKBOARD

DEAR NAILS: Yes, she is. She's also someone who is trying to make herself appear superior to those she disparages. Use her poor example to teach your daughter what an unattractive personality trait it is -- although from your letter, she appears to have already concluded that herself. You have a wise and discerning child who obviously does not take after her grandmother. And I'm sure that's because of your good influence. I salute you.

DEAR ABBY: Just how honest should you be with a friend? My friend "Frannie" did not receive a promotion in her department, and I think I know why -- her appearance. The promotion would have required more interaction with clients.

Frannie is bright, hard-working, has Christian ethics, a beautiful, trim figure, a wide smile and dresses well. But -- she wears no makeup, doesn't pluck her huge unibrow and wears sandals that expose her very hairy toes and the hairy tops of her feet.

Many people have commented to me about her hairy feet and face, but I have not had the heart to tell her what they say. She has also been asking me why guys shy away from her.

Do I say nothing, or should I offer helpful advice? -- FRANNIE'S FRIEND IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR FRIEND: What you need to ask yourself before raising a sensitive subject like this is: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? From where I sit, telling Frannie what she needs to hear passes those tests. Because Frannie has been asking why men shy away from her, that's your opening to talk to her about her grooming. Many women have body-hair issues, but there are solutions for it. The poor woman needs the services of a cosmetologist.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I separated more than a year ago, but we have remained friends for the sake of our children. During our marriage, my sister moved in with us. When I moved out, she stayed on to help my husband financially, and also to help with our children.

Yesterday, my husband confirmed that he's now sleeping with my sister. I must see them almost daily and I don't want to make a difficult situation worse. How can I get over the hurt and betrayal I feel toward them -- especially my sister? How can I forgive them? Will time really heal this wound? -- BETRAYED BY MY SISTER

DEAR BETRAYED: It may help in your healing if you accept that your marriage ended the day you walked out the door, leaving your sister in the role of wife -- contributing financially to the household, parenting the children, and I assume, emotionally supporting your husband. Not to have seen this coming was naive. The stronger you become, the easier it will be to forgive them and go on with your life, but getting there may require professional counseling. I'm recommending you start sooner rather than later.

DEAR ABBY: My friends and I were recently discussing supermarket etiquette and hope you can provide some insight. When checking out at the grocery store and a customer is standing behind you ready to unload her basket, is it your responsibility to move the divider bar to the end of your order or should it be the person behind you? Which is more proper? -- CONSCIENTIOUS SHOPPER, ERIE, PA.

DEAR CONSCIENTIOUS: The person unloading the basket usually places the bar to ensure that her (or his) groceries are kept separate from the person in front. There are, however, no hard-and-fast rules about it.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to share some important information with "Don't Want to Lose Him in the U.S.A." (Nov. 10). She's the young lady who is being pressured by her boyfriend to take photos of her classmates in the girls' locker room.

The students at the high school where I teach recently attended a program on Internet and online safety. One of the things that really surprised them was learning cell phone calls don't just go from one phone to another. All text messages and calls are transmitted through cell phone towers, which route the calls or texts to the company's server. All sent messages and photos are stored on the provider's server. This means pictures deleted from the phone are never really deleted -- and text messages and photos never go away. They still exist in the virtual world.

Should those pictures become the center of a court case, the information is subject to "discovery." With the right equipment, law enforcement can retrieve deleted photos from anyone's cell phone.

"Don't Want to Lose Him" needs to clearly understand she might be prosecuted for producing, distributing and possessing child pornography. -- A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER IN CHURCHVILLE, VA.

DEAR TEACHER: Thank you for delivering a valuable message that may provide a wake-up call for all my readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Refusing to take the photos, but keeping it quiet, is not enough. I think "Don't Want to Lose Him" should make copies of your column and paste them on every locker to warn all the girls they are at risk -- even when they think they have privacy. She should also tell the principal, who may be able to provide extra protection. -- SHEILA IN GIG HARBOR, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: I think the issue of that young woman's low self-esteem should be addressed. Her boyfriend is holding her hostage to his wishes and desires, and will probably always do so if she continues to stay with him. It's important that "Don't Want to Lose Him" learns to love the principled, intelligent person she already is and continue to stand up for herself. Eventually, someone will appreciate her good qualities and she won't have to settle for less than she deserves. -- BEEN THERE IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: "Don't Want to Lose Him" should report this to a trusted adult or school counselor. At the very least, this girl needs to know she will be doing a great service if she lets the other girls know so they can be on the lookout for someone sneaking a camera or cell phone into their locker room. She could also use some support and affection that doesn't come from a manipulative, self-serving "boyfriend." -- LISA IN SAN RAFAEL, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mental health professional. What "Don't Want to Lose Him" is being pressed to do is called "sexting," and it is a criminal offense in almost every state in the U.S. The young lady and whoever receives and distributes those photos could be convicted of a felony, serve prison time and live the rest of their lives as registered sex offenders.

There have been cases of young people -- victims of sexting -- who have committed suicide over the humiliation of being exposed against their will. Once these photos go "viral," they are on the Internet forever. Parents, friends, teachers and schools need to make it a priority to talk to kids about the moral, legal and social ramifications of taking these kinds of photos of themselves and others. -- JACQUELINE IN GIBSONIA, PA.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)