life

New Year Full of Possibility Replaces Hard Year for Many

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 1st, 2011

DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2011! While the last year has been arduous for many of us, a new one has arrived, bringing with it our chance for a new beginning.

Today is the day we discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones, and with that in mind, I will share Dear Abby's often requested list of New Year's Resolutions -- which were adapted by my mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon:

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.

I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.

Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by I.J. Bhatia, a reader who lives in New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:

"where there is hatred, let me sow love,

"where there is injury, pardon;

"where there is doubt, faith;

"where there is despair, hope;

"where there is darkness, light;

"and where there is sadness, joy.

"O Divine Master,

"grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

"to be understood, as to understand;

"to be loved, as to love;

"for it is in giving that we receive,

"it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

"and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life."

And so, Dear Readers, may this new year bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of you. Love, ABBY

life

Teen's Grieving Sister Claims School Failed to Stop Bullying

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2010 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I just lost my 15-year-old sister to bullying and the school here is not doing anything about it. There have been a number of suicides due to this behavior. I want schools to realize they need to take action before someone else gets hurt.

Bullying isn't a harmless prank and it should be taken seriously. I have heard of a bullying law in some schools, but it needs to be in all schools. I should not have to bury my sister at such a young age.

Abby, can you please get a message out to schools and their students about bullying? Thank you. -- GRIEF-STRICKEN SISTER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GRIEF-STRICKEN SISTER: Please accept my deepest sympathy not only for the untimely loss of your sister, but also the tragic circumstances surrounding her death. Although bullying is something that has gone on for generations, in recent years school boards have only begun to realize what a serious and pervasive problem it truly is and have instituted zero tolerance policies.

In many schools where student suicides have occurred, the administration has provided grief counseling and programs to sensitize students and faculty in order to prevent it from happening. If that isn't being done in your community, the parents should be very worried.

life

Dear Abby for December 31, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2010 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: What do you say to a person who never stops talking? A friend does it, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. It has reached the point where I avoid her because her nonstop babbling irritates me. I have made clear to her I don't use my phone much and prefer e-mail, but it hasn't stopped her from calling anyway -- sometimes late at night. I let the machine pick up, but my sleep is still interrupted and, once again, I am irritated.

Abby, this woman has a heart of gold. She is generous and sweet, but her incessant chatter diminishes any good feelings I have for her. Even when we're eating in a restaurant, she never stops to come up for air. How can I politely let her know her never-ending blather is getting on my nerves? -- CAN'T GET A WORD IN, IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR CAN'T GET A WORD IN: Your friend is a compulsive talker. She may do it out of insecurity, or because the sound of silence makes her uncomfortable. She may do it because she thinks she's entertaining. But hogging the conversation is rude. And calling someone in the late evening, after being told that the person does not want calls after a certain hour, is also rude. Much as you might like to, I doubt anything you say politely will change her. So accept her, warts and all, or move on.

life

Dear Abby for December 31, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2010 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: When a man meets a woman wearing a low-cut dress or blouse, is it rude to momentarily glance down (not stare) at her cleavage? Most men find this a natural, unavoidable impulse. -- DOIN' WHAT COMES NATURALLY

DEAR DOIN': It may be a "natural, unavoidable impulse," but gentlemen have learned to control their impulses. And that's what I recommend you do -- unless you want to offend the woman you're with or the woman you're meeting. I'm surprised you haven't heard the phrase, "My eyes are up here."

life

Dear Abby for December 31, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2010 | Letter 4 of 4

DEAR READERS: From the bottom of my heart, I wish all of you a happy, healthy and prosperous 2011. And please, if you will be driving tonight, don't drink; and if you're drinking tonight, don't drive. Stay safe, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

life

Brusque Behavior Provokes Road Rage in Cubicle Aisles

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: There is a situation at work that has smoke coming out of my ears. I'm past the age of retirement, but need to continue working. I'm with a great company and enjoy what I do.

The fly in the ointment is one of our salespeople. He's a big, strapping guy who comes barreling down the narrow aisles between cubicles. On more than one occasion I have had to execute a quick side step in order not to be run over. After the most recent near miss, I told him in no uncertain terms that if it ever happened again, I'd let him plow into me and take the consequences.

My question is, if I don't get out of his way and do get knocked down, what recourse do I have? Good manners would dictate that the younger man allow me to pass first, but are there any legal ramifications? I would love to smack him (like Bette Davis would in an old movie), but with my luck, I'd be charged with assault. What say you, Abby? -- ON A COLLISION COURSE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ON A COLLISION COURSE: Good manners would, indeed, dictate that the younger man allow you to pass first, if the younger man has been taught basic manners by his parents. Apparently, this salesman's parents didn't do that. So rather than smacking the ignoramus, you should address your concerns to your supervisor, so he or she can tell him to slow down and watch where he's going. If you were injured on company property, the liability would be the company's, and the physical ramifications for you could be serious.

life

Dear Abby for December 30, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago I had one of the greatest days of my life when I married my fiancee, "Joy." The ceremony was interrupted when my brother-in-law's cell phone rang. I was so annoyed I turned around and asked him if he'd like us to wait while he took the call.

The backlash at the reception later was all directed at me! Joy and my side of the family laughed about it. But Joy's family was angry and said I should have ignored it. What are your thoughts or advice? Should I apologize even if I'm not sorry? -- ON HOLD IN CHANDLER, ARIZ.

DEAR ON HOLD: Your brother-in-law owes both you and Joy the apology. He should have turned his cell phone off before the ceremony. If he's in a field where he's on call 24/7, then the phone should have been set to vibrate rather than ring.

P.S. Please tell me he didn't actually answer it. Readers, has this happened to you?

life

Dear Abby for December 30, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 30th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We live in a retirement community that includes some single men. On a couple of occasions, one of the gentlemen has come into the clubhouse with his zipper down. If there are no other men in the area, what would be the appropriate way to handle something like this? I know it would be embarrassing if the problem was addressed in a public manner. What's your suggestion? -- BLUSHING IN ARIZONA

DEAR BLUSHING: Take the person aside and tell him quietly that his fly is open. (It's not unlike telling someone of either sex that he or she has a bit of salad stuck between his or her front teeth.) This way the problem can be remedied quickly and efficiently, with the least embarrassment to either party.

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