DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in high school and I have a problem. I'm in a parasitic relationship. A boy at my school, "Dan," believes himself to be my best friend. It is sad because everyone acts as if he is invisible. I noticed that he was an outcast and went out of my way to be kind to him. He latched onto me and now follows me around at school.

I have a boyfriend who is really concerned, but neither of us knows how to approach this. Dan calls me at home and always asks if we can hang out "as friends." (I keep coming up with excuses to avoid it.) Dan is a nice guy, but this has been going on for two years and his attachment has only increased. I have no idea how to let him know our "friendship" has become too suffocating for me. Please help. -- OVERWHELMED IN OHIO

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Because he has been excluded by everyone else at school, it's not surprising that Dan is emotionally dependent on you. However, you have a boyfriend, your studies and a social life, and you need to explain that to Dan when he asks to "hang out." Those aren't excuses; they are facts. Say it kindly but firmly, and do not be defensive. If he persists, talk to a counselor at school.

In a few months high school will be over and Dan can move on and start building a life. Many successful adults weren't popular in high school. Perhaps when he thinks back, Dan will remember you as the one bright spot in a miserable experience.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a little girl, my family's idea of celebrating Christmas was opening some presents and renting a movie. I'm 15 now, and my parents barely acknowledge the holiday.

Last year on Christmas Day, my mother slept until after noon, then handed me $100. Dad did the same. I was grateful for the money, but a little hurt that they put no effort into buying gifts.

I am tired of trying to think up thoughtful gifts while all I get is a check handed to me without so much as a "Merry Christmas." Would I sound ungrateful if I asked my parents to put a little more thought into celebrating the holidays this year? -- NOT SO JOLLY CHRISTMAS

DEAR NOT SO JOLLY: Yes, you would. You might get a better result if you simply told your parents that you miss celebrating the holidays with them the way you have in the past, and ask them why things have changed. I'm sure you will find their answer to be enlightening.

DEAR ABBY: I know the holidays can be a stressful time of year -- and even more so when there has been a death in someone's family.

When a friend or family member loses a loved one, such as a child or close friend, what is the proper etiquette regarding gifts you may have sent or have sitting under the tree? What should the bereaved family do with the gifts? I must admit, I am curious -- especially being a member of the armed forces. -- MARIE IN CANADA

DEAR MARIE: If you are asking whether the gift(s) should be returned to the sender, I am sure the grieving family (or close friend) will have other things to think about that take precedence. Once a gift is sent, it should be up to the surviving relatives to decide whether to keep it or dispose of it -- whether by donating it, selling it or returning it to the sender.

DEAR ABBY: My father died this year. My husband and I were his primary caregivers. I was with him until his dying breath. After his passing, Mom asked us to move in so she wouldn't be alone. She has post-polio syndrome, but her biggest problem is her "princess syndrome."

She has trouble getting around, but is able to do some things while I'm at work all day. As soon as I walk in the door, she's all over me to do simple tasks that she could have done during the day. She complains the house isn't clean enough, or that this and that aren't done up to her standards.

Abby, it was easier to take care of all my dad's needs than it is to take care of hers! Her day consists of getting up at 10 a.m., watching soap operas and eating herself to more than 300 pounds. How do I deal with a mother with a major princess complex? -- NOT CINDERELLA

DEAR NOT CINDERELLA: Do it by having a frank conversation with your mother and telling her exactly what you have told me, without labeling her a princess. You should also insist that she be screened by her doctor for depression.

If her demands are more than you and your husband can deliver, then consider moving into a place of your own. However, if your mother realizes that the alternative is living alone, she may be inclined to compromise.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of one year (at the time) was considered by everyone to be the most caring, good husband. But he never wanted to have relations with me. After several months of investigation, I learned he had been seeing prostitutes. He even admitted to me that when he did have sex with me he was thinking of them. Fast-forward: I forgave him; we went to counseling.

Abby, he still never wants to have sex with me! When we do, it's because I initiate it. My self-confidence is shot. He says he "doesn't have a sex drive," so I can either accept him for all the positives -- of which there are many -- and not have a sex life, or not.

I have considered fulfilling my needs outside the marriage, and giving him the green light to do the same, but he's against it. I'm at a loss as to what to do. Should I just settle and be happy with what I have? -- WANTING MORE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WANTING MORE: You are obviously not happy with "what you have." And a man who engages the services of a prostitute does have a sex drive. You both need to be completely truthful with each other. Once you have reached that point, you will know what to do, and you won't have to ask me to make the decision for you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have reached an impasse. He says that breakfast, brunch or lunch is an acceptable time to spend with my girlfriends, but dinner is "family time" and should be spent at home with him.

He also says that girlfriends who spend a weekend away together are "up to no good." I see no problem with it. What are your thoughts? -- UNSURE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNSURE: Your boyfriend appears to be insecure, controlling and have a dim view of women. If you're smart, you will find someone who is less easily threatened by female bonding and let this one go.

DEAR ABBY: This is in regard to "Blocked Writer in Oklahoma" (Oct. 29), who has been writing in journals for her son for 22 years and wonders when to give them to him now that he's married and has a son on the way himself. I agree with you that giving them to him now would be unwise because he has too much going on in his life.

She should give him a year's worth of writings when his son turns 1, so he'll know what his mom was going through when he was 1. Then give him another year's worth when his son turns 2, etc. All I can say is, wouldn't it be a great world if all kids had a mom like Blocked! -- KATHY IN EDMOND, OKLA.

DEAR KATHY: Thank you for your letter. Blocked may have been unsure of when to present her son with the journals she had been keeping for so many years, but readers experienced no writer's block in expressing their views on the subject. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Any mother who secretly keeps a journal for 22 years has a screw loose. Instead of mothering, she sounds like she is smothering. For her to record every moment of her son's life is an attempt to control him forever. That woman ought to get a grip and get a life of her own. -- ANDREW IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: You advised Blocked Writer to wait for a milestone birthday (25th) to give her son the journals. I would implore her not to wait three years. You never know what life brings. Now is the time for sharing such a wonderful, loving gift. -- LINDA IN CALGARY, CANADA

DEAR ABBY: This journal is priceless, not only to her son and his posterity, but eventually to historians. Imagine how it will be to read this journal in 200 years and glimpse what life was like for this family. I beg her to make a copy of it before she gives the original to her son. I hope she can find some historical society willing to accept this journal as part of its collection. -- JO ELLEN IN BOUNTIFUL, UTAH

DEAR ABBY: I smell a narcissist! No new father has the emotional reserves to confront this encyclopedia. If the entries are all proud and glowing, great. But many narcissists time their gifts to steal some spotlight from other momentous occasions. I'd save the journal for a future date. Meanwhile, she should pitch in and help the new parents. This is one time when actions speak louder than words. -- ANONYMOUS IN WEST ORANGE, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: Giving the journal now would be a waste. She should continue writing. Her son's life isn't over; he is just beginning.

Continuing the journal on his journey through life as a parent, and memorializing her feelings watching him and her grandchild would be a better gift for the son to "find" once the mother is no longer here. A journal should never replace telling people in person how you feel. If Blocked at any time is unable to continue the writing, the last of the journal could be dictated and transcribed by a friend for her.

I agree she should start a companion journal about her life as well. But I encourage her to continue writing her son's journal. It would be the gift of a lifetime. -- CHRISTY IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: Journaling your child's life when he is a child is fine -- and he may appreciate having a record to look back on. And once a child becomes a teenager, it would be all right to note special events. But every day? No! Teenagers want some privacy. Frankly, the idea that she has continued this after he became an adult strikes me as creepy and stalker-ish. -- SHOCKED IN CALIFORNIA

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)