DEAR ABBY: We are a group of ladies in retirement in a smallish town. One member of our group has, over the last few years, started to "put on a show" -- and I mean that literally.

"Dottie" writes revues and, of course, stars in them herself. While there's nothing wrong with a vanity production, this woman is making herself look foolish. She is not slender (no sin), but she is also not talented.

Dottie's friends feel she looks ridiculous singing and dancing, but no one has the nerve to tell her because she is vain and has a short temper. We can't tell our pudgy, gray-haired friend to get off the stage, so we thought you might be just the person to save our friend's dignity. Can you help? -- IN THE WINGS IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IN THE WINGS: Your friend is living her dream of being in the footlights. It is not up to you or me to "save her dignity" by bursting her bubble. If you don't like her performance, no law says you -- or anyone else -- must attend her revues. And feeling as you ladies do, it might be kinder if you stayed away.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Kim," believes that saying "Bless you" after someone sneezes is a universal requirement. I think this is something out of the 15th century so I never say anything. Kim thinks I'm rude. What say you, Abby? -- ALREADY BLESSED IN LAKE FOREST, CALIF.

DEAR ALREADY BLESSED: I say you and Kim are both right. The custom of saying "Bless you" or "God bless you" after someone sneezes did originate in the Middle Ages, when it was believed that when people sneezed, their souls left their bodies for an instant -- and saying "God bless you" would prevent the devil from snatching it. And Kim is correct that the polite thing to do is to say it. If you care about her feelings you will accommodate her -- not just because it's good manners, but because you know it'll make her happy.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 3-year-old, muscular male American pit bull terrier. When I walk "Petey," I am often asked by young and old alike if they can pet my dog because of his good looks. While Petey has never bitten anyone, I am not comfortable letting strangers pet him. The breed can be aggressive.

I always reply to these requests with a "no" and a "thank you," after which I am invariably asked if my dog is mean. Now, if there is a possibility that a dog is mean, why would someone ask to pet him in the first place? Perhaps I'm overly sensitive, but it's an annoying rhetorical question. Is there a nicer way to answer? -- A DUTIFUL PET OWNER, GLENS FALLS, N.Y.

DEAR DUTIFUL PET OWNER: An honest response would be that your dog isn't mean, but you can't guarantee that he won't snap if someone he doesn't know touches him. Another way to say it would be, "My dog hasn't bitten anyone ... yet."

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15, and my parents have fought constantly for years. Dad is an alcoholic. I guess you could say I have kind of given up on him. I'm involved in many sports, but rarely does he show up to support me, unlike my mom who is there at every game.

Dad has now left us. He still calls Mom just about every day, and he stops by the house to "check up" on things about three times a week.

Mom forced me to send him a "Happy Birthday" text. She wants me to start talking to him again and to build a relationship with him, but I think he has missed out on too much of my life already. (He even missed my first prom!) I don't feel I need him in my life, or that he deserves me in his. What should I do? -- LET DOWN BY DAD IN KANSAS

DEAR LET DOWN: Because you are close to your mother, you need to have her explain to you why she feels it is important for you to include your father in your life. If he is trying to quit drinking, she may have good reasons for wanting you to.

While I understand and sympathize with the fact that your father has disappointed you and that you are angry about it, carrying that kind of anger can be more destructive to you than it is to him. That's why it could be helpful to you to check out a support group called Alateen. It was started especially to help young people whose lives have been affected by the compulsive drinking of a family member or a friend. It offers a booklet titled "Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism 2011," which can be read on the Al-Anon website at � HYPERLINK "http://www.Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org" ��www.Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org�. If you would like to order a postage-paid free copy, direct your request to � HYPERLINK "mailto:wso@Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org" ��wso@Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org�, or mail a request to Al-Anon Family Groups, 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Harper" for two months. He now involves me in his family dinners and events on a weekly basis. I feel weird going to family functions that include his mom, dad, brother, sister, and their spouses and kids. Sometimes even extended family members and friends attend.

Harper loves including me, but it's overwhelming because it feels too soon to spend so much time with them. My anxiety has me in a panic during nearly every visit. I'm having a hard time saying no because it's all so normal for Harper. I dread going to his family's for dinner for fear that it will turn into "card night."

Harper's ex-girlfriend was fine with being included in everything. I feel like I'm stepping into her shoes, and I don't like how it feels. Harper never forces me to go, but I have to find a way to tell him it's not necessary for me to accompany him every week. I don't want to offend him or his family. Help! -- TOO MUCH, TOO SOON

DEAR TOO MUCH, TOO SOON: You need to recognize that Harper is extremely close to his family and that his idea of a good time is seeing and interacting with them. If you continue to date him, you will have to accept that his family -- including extended family, friends and card nights -- will be a large part of the package.

Many women might welcome being wrapped in the embrace of a large, warm family, but because you feel otherwise, it's time to level with him and tell him that you're finding this overwhelming.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend's father is very odd socially. If there is a line, he will unknowingly cross it. He has no sense of what is appropriate when it comes to personal space, and his only friends are teenagers. His wife and two grown children are constantly upset with his bizarre behavior, but dare not bring it up with him for fear of hurting his feelings.

As a health care worker, I suspect he has Asperger's syndrome, for which behavioral treatment is available. Must I "just ignore" this man's odd conduct as well? Or should I speak with my boyfriend about my suspicions in order to get his father help? -- NEW DOCTOR IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR NEW DOCTOR: Of course you should discuss this with your boyfriend. To do so would be a kindness. Whether his father is open to therapy is not assured -- but if he's intelligent, he must be aware that he doesn't fit in with his contemporaries, and he may accept help if it is offered.

DEAR ABBY: As we head toward Christmas, would you remind people to please treat others as they, themselves, would want to be treated?

I work in retail, and it's amazing how many customers are rude. They don't acknowledge us, they'll talk on their cell phone throughout transactions and become angry at us if something beyond our control goes wrong. If we were to treat them this way, they would surely file a complaint against us.

Abby, can you remind folks to remember what the reason for the season is, and to act toward others with kindness, patience and respect -- no matter what? -- MINDFUL IN FAIRBANKS

DEAR MINDFUL: There is something about Christmas that can turn the most angelic individuals into gremlins. And that "something" is the pressure to buy, buy, buy -- accumulating debt that can't be repaid for months or even longer. Add to that, no place to park and long lines in understaffed malls, and the "joy" of the season can curdle into frustration.

But readers, please hang onto your tempers even if those around you are losing theirs. The folks behind the counters are people, too, and they feel as pressured if not more so -- than you.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 40 years. Five years ago, she told me she didn't want me in our bedroom and that she is "off limits." She said she is not interested in me "that way" anymore.

Other than that, we have a great marriage and we're best friends, but I can't go on like this. I have suggested counseling, but she refuses to go. What do you think I should do? -- MISSING THE KISSING

DEAR MISSING: I think you should talk to a counselor without her. You have some important decisions to make about how you will spend the rest of your life, and it's a shame your wife does not want to be a part of the discussion and, possibly, reach a compromise. But unless both of you are happy being roommates, the current situation is unfair to you.