DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage girl about to start looking for my first job. I have four facial piercings and I feel they may be detrimental to finding one.

I have researched effective ways of hiding my choices in jewelry. My question is, during an interview, is it OK to ask about a company's policy on piercings? My mother thinks I shouldn't, but I feel it might be a good idea to be upfront about the way I like to look.

Taking the piercings out is not an option. I have invested too much time, energy, money and pain. The fact that I can keep my piercings clean and healthy should speak for my level of responsibility. I would love some advice, Abby. -- BEJEWELED IN OTTAWA

DEAR BEJEWELED: Many businesses and companies have strict codes that cover how they want their employees to look while representing them. Regardless of how clean you keep your body jewelry, if you don't fit their "brand" image, you will not qualify.

Because you have too much invested in your piercings to remove them, my advice is to interview with companies that are involved in the arts, fashion, media and Internet technology. They cater to a younger, more liberal demographic, and you will be free to be more yourself than have to project a corporate image.

DEAR ABBY: My question has to do with gift giving and receiving. My mother-in-law has a standard reaction after she is given a gift. She scrunches up her face and starts yelling, "I thought I told you no gifties." It's not a polite, "I wish you hadn't spent your money on me." She then proceeds to open the package and starts complaining about the tape, ribbons, etc., her standard comments being, "Do you have any tape left at your house?" or, "I know who wrapped this one!" directed at me. Then she says, "What am I supposed to do with this?" or some other put-down.

I have found myself offering gifts at other times of the year -- something to keep her warm or that she needs -- always unwrapped and casually delivered. My question is, "What's wrong with me?" -- "NO GIFTIES" IN GRAHAM, WASH.

DEAR "NO GIFTIES": What's "wrong" with you is you're a glutton for punishment. This year, take your mother-in-law at her word and "surprise" her by giving her what she has said she wanted all these years: nothing. Then she'll be speechless.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ronald" exclusively for eight months. I invited him to our family Thanksgiving dinner and he accepted, but then he decided to go to his brother's instead. (They invited him two weeks after I had asked him.)

Shouldn't couples be together for the holidays, or am I asking too much? Ronald has met my parents, but I have yet to meet any of his family. Is this a sign that he just doesn't care? -- DISAPPOINTED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Let me put it this way: It's a sign that Ronald doesn't care as much as you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman with an outgoing personality. However, when I first meet a man, I move slowly.

If I agree to a date, I meet him at a public place. After a few dates, I'll share my e-mail address so we can communicate more easily. And, Abby, that's when the trouble starts.

Over the past few years, several men have e-mailed me nude photos of themselves after I gave them my contact information. I'm not a prude, but I feel it was disrespectful. I broke up with each of them and deleted their photos from my computer.

Please lend me some advice and insight here. Until then, I'm considering remaining single forever. -- SEEN IT ALL IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR SEEN IT ALL: I'm surprised you didn't sign yourself "Seen Too Much." Where are you meeting these creepy individuals? Before the Internet, they used to be called "flashers."

Because this has happened to you more than once in the past few years, it's time to ask yourself if somehow you may have given the impression that you would be receptive to this kind of contact. In other words, think about the signals you may be sending after a few dates.

DEAR ABBY: With the holidays coming, I know I'll be spending time with my boyfriend's family. Every time I see his father (who is a poor excuse for a dad) he asks when I'm going to give him grandbabies.

This has gone on for five years. I am not even married to his son, and I don't plan on having any children. He makes me feel like I don't deserve his son if I don't have children. (My boyfriend already has a son from a previous relationship.) I have tried to answer him nicely. I have even tried to be rude, but he just doesn't get it!

I would like to know how to respond to him. I certainly do not want it to affect his family's Christmas, but I feel I should stick up for myself. Please help. -- WANTS NO BABIES IN NEW YORK

DEAR WANTS NO BABIES: Smile and tell the nervy gentleman he can expect you to give him grandbabies after you start feeling maternal, and when you begin to feel maternal he'll be the first to know. Do not pick a fight with him, and don't spend much time with him. Apparently, your boyfriend got his brains from his mother.

And now, Dear Readers, I am pleased to offer the traditional Thanksgiving Prayer that was penned by my dear mother, Pauline Phillips. No Thanksgiving would be complete for me without it.

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter from "Socially Obligated in Pennsylvania" (Oct. 4), whose fiance, "Joe," refuses invitations to events from her family. My niece married a well-educated man who is like Joe. They now live an isolated social life and participate in none of the normal family functions that are so important in bringing people together. Their children miss so much.

My advice to "S.O." would be to rethink the engagement and consider meeting someone who is more socially compatible and less controlling. Marriage is a partnership built on compromise. Joe is uncooperative.

My second husband was like this man. I divorced him. Family meant too much to me. -- OLDER AND WISER IN ARIZONA

DEAR OLDER: Thank you for your comments. I heard from many readers who were eager to share what they have learned from living with someone who is uncomfortable in social situations. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Socially Obligated" and her fiance need counseling to find answers to why he is reluctant to attend her family functions. Is he introverted? Does he suffer from Asperger's syndrome and is unable to feel comfortable in crowds? Could he be depressed? Could there have been an issue that has turned him off to her family?

After seven years together, they need to dig deeper or it will continue to be a problem. -- LOUISE IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am married to a man who refuses to do anything with me if anyone else is involved, whether it be church, family or work. He is comfortable with me, and that's it!

We will do things from time to time with family, but he despises it. I feel it's unfair, because I go out of my way to include his relatives in my life. But I knew this about him before we were married.

I have quit making excuses for him and now just explain that he is extremely uncomfortable around people. He has social anxiety and will not likely change. I love him in spite of it, and I make adjustments.

One way I cope is by latching onto someone else in the group so I don't feel left out among the couples present. I engage with nieces and nephews and my widowed mother.

I advise "S.O." to love the man for who he is. Don't try to force him or put him down. -- MAKING IT WORK IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ABBY: There could be other explanations for the man's social avoidance. My wife is more social than I. I used to go with her to events that she wanted me to attend. But I noticed that afterward, I would get chewed out -- I talked too much or too little, spoke too loudly or couldn't be heard, mixed too much or not enough. In other words, my wife was so socially insecure that no matter how I acted, she took issue.

I finally realized that the problem was hers and not mine. I haven't gone anywhere socially with my wife since 1995 and it has worked out just fine. -- STEPHEN IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: I come from a large, boisterous, affectionate Italian-Catholic family. My husband grew up an only child in a conservative home. My family gatherings so overwhelmed him that he could only attend one or two per year. I attended the rest alone.

We had many heated arguments about his dislike of my family -- until my mother became ill and he watched how we all came together for her care. That's when he came to know and appreciate my family on a different level. Perhaps over time "S.O.'s" fiance will, too. -- MONICA IN SAN CLEMENTE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: "Socially Obligated" is worried that because her fiance doesn't show up for her family events, her family may not make the effort for her wedding? She should be worried that he might be the one who doesn't show up! -- JUDY IN OREGON