DEAR ABBY: I have a tattoo on my forearm. It's my deceased son's name, with angel's wings and a halo. Because of where it's placed on my arm, I wear long sleeves or three-quarter sleeves to work. If I feel it might "peek out," I wear an Ace bandage over it.

I am a bank branch manager and I'm sometimes asked, "What happened to your arm?" when the bandage can be seen. I feel telling the person I have a tattoo defeats the whole purpose of keeping it covered, and I don't want to lie. What is the proper response? -- TATTOOED FEMALE PROFESSIONAL IN INDIANA

DEAR PROFESSIONAL: Does having a visible tattoo violate the dress code at your bank? So many people have body art that it's no longer considered shocking. If no rule prevents it, I see no reason to hide it -- and if you're questioned about its significance, tell the truth. If there is a rule that discourages it and you are asked about the Ace bandage, just smile and say, "Thank you for your concern, but it's nothing serious."

DEAR ABBY: For the past few years, my "Aunt Maude" has given birthday, holiday and graduation gifts she has picked up at yard sales. These "gifts" are neither usable nor are they age-appropriate.

My sister "Hallie" is being married soon. We would like Aunt Maude to attend without feeling she needs to buy a used gift. Money is not an issue for her, but she thinks she is buying a personalized gift when, in fact, it's something that will be discarded. Our family would rather she attend with no gift than a yard sale item. What's the best way to handle this? -- BLUSHING BRIDESMAID

DEAR BLUSHING BRIDESMAID: The subject of wedding gifts can be a sensitive one. To imply that someone's gift is unacceptable would be extremely rude. However, a way to approach this might be for Maude's sibling to suggest to her that Hallie has already received more "things" than she can use, and that the most meaningful gift Maude could give her niece would be her presence at the celebration.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend says all his friends think I am "stuck up." He told me (loudly) that I come across as rude because I'm not outgoing enough. More than once, people have asked him what my deal is.

I am quiet and reserved when I'm around new people, but once I'm comfortable, I do open up. I know I can sometimes come across as being unfriendly, but the way he presented it to me left me crushed. Shyness can be misperceived, and I try to be nice to everyone. I'm loyal to a fault and the first to offer help to friends, family and especially my boyfriend.

While he had a valid point in what he said, I am now questioning the effect his approach has had on our relationship. Am I justified in feeling so hurt, or should I just suck it up? -- PICKED APART IN UTAH

DEAR PICKED APART: Sometimes it's not what someone says, but the way it is said that is hurtful. Because your boyfriend's tone was loud and angry, it's understandable that you felt attacked. If it happened in public rather than in private, he was tactless. But if you're going to have a relationship with him, his friends will have to be a part of it. And rather than scolding you, he should have explained to them that you need time to get to know them.

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DEAR ABBY: A woman driving the car ahead of me was swerving and weaving in and out of the next lane. She would slow down, then speed up, and I thought she might have been drunk.

As I pulled up beside her, I realized she was using sign language to communicate with her passenger. She would turn her head toward the passenger, signing with both hands and ignoring her responsibilities of being a good driver. Is this legal?

That woman was driving recklessly, and I don't think she should have been driving if she couldn't pay attention to the road. -- SAFE DRIVER IN LEXINGTON, S.C.

DEAR SAFE DRIVER: According to the Beverly Hills, Calif., Police Department, the use of sign language is legal as long as it doesn't interfere with safe driving. The state of California has a basic speed law that states: "No person shall drive a vehicle upon a state highway at a speed greater than is reasonable or prudent having due regard for weather, visibility, the traffic on, and the surface and width of, the highway, and in no event which endangers the safety of persons or property."

In the case you have described, the person who was signing to her passenger was in violation of this law. I'm sure your state has similar regulations.

DEAR ABBY: When my father-in-law, "Herb," comes to visit, he rummages through our personal belongings whether they be in the garage, basement or storage closet. He feels compelled to "fix" anything he thinks needs fixing or rearranging. I am certain Herb thinks he's being helpful, but we have addressed this issue with him many times and we're always met with defensiveness and lack of understanding. He justifies his actions by listing all of the good deeds he does for us -- some of which are legit.

My husband and I are at a loss. We love Herb and want him to be a part of our lives and the lives of our children, but this makes us very uncomfortable. At times, we even feel violated in our own home. Where do we go from here? -- HERB'S FAMILY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR FAMILY: Your father-in-law may feel so comfortable at your place that he has it confused with HIS place. From here, you install a lock on every door in your home that you do not want Herb to enter without supervision. And so he won't be bored, plan ahead and consider setting aside some projects that do need fixing, so he won't be sitting around with nothing to do that makes him feel useful.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had a dinner party in my condo. One of my guests brought along his new roommate, whom I had never met. During the evening, the young man kept placing his foot on my coffee table and rubbing the sole of his shoe over the edge and corner. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. After the party ended, I realized my coffee table had been damaged by what he did.

What is a polite way to tell someone to remove his or her foot from my table without causing a scene or embarrassing him? -- MITCH IN CHICAGO

DEAR MITCH: Offer the person a footstool or something to place under the offending foot that would protect your table. Or, take an even more direct approach and say to the person in a calm manner, "Please don't put your foot there because the finish on my coffee table is easily damaged."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a junior in high school and taking multiple AP classes. With all the homework we're assigned, I sometimes need to use lunchtime to finish assignments. My problem is my friends follow me into the school library and talk to me while I'm working. Their constant chatter is distracting and prevents me from concentrating on my assignments.

I don't neglect my friends. I spend hours outside of school with them every week. But I'd rather be left alone when I'm trying to work. My friends don't understand that I'm more focused on academics and long-term goals than my short-term social life.

How can I politely get them to leave me alone when I'm working? -- FOCUSED ON MY GOALS IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR FOCUSED ON YOUR GOALS: If you haven't told your friends plainly how you feel and clearly drawn a line, you shouldn't blame them for being clueless when they cross it. Tell them you need to concentrate when you're in the library and that they are creating a problem for you. Not only will you be helping yourself, you'll be doing a favor for other students who are trying to study and who are also being distracted.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old woman, and still single. Many people like me enjoy their lives, but I don't. I long to be married and to have a family. But because of my failures in the dating world I'm not optimistic about my chances.

The thought of marriage and family late in life frightens me, and I don't want to raise a child as a single parent. So, at my age, is it likely I may never be married?

I would appreciate it if your readers could share how they were able to change circumstances like mine. -- SINGLE STILL IN LITTLE ROCK

DEAR SINGLE STILL: Please do not resign yourself to singlehood quite yet. People are settling down and marrying later today for many reasons. Because you mentioned that the thought of marriage and family "later in life" frightens you, my inclination is to suggest that you discuss it with a psychologist or other licensed professional to see whether your fear may have been instrumental in causing your relationships to fail.

However, because you requested reader input regarding late marriage, I'm sure we'll hear from them, generously sharing their experiences. I know several couples who married later in life, and they are compatible and happy. Readers, what do you have to say?

DEAR ABBY: I was recently promoted to a new position at work, doing something I have always wanted to do. My supervisor and I are very different -- almost polar opposites, in fact. But we get along great and work well together.

Because we have started working more closely, she is now beginning to consider me her friend, asking me to "hang out" and occasionally offering me recreational drugs. I love working with her, but I don't want to hang out with her outside of work because of our differences. If something were to go wrong outside the office, it would affect our work relationship. How do I keep things strictly professional without offending her? -- WARY ASSISTANT IN ARIZONA

DEAR WARY ASSISTANT: By telling her (with a smile) that your time to socialize is extremely limited and, as much as you enjoy working with her, you prefer to keep your work relationships strictly professional. And should the woman offer you a controlled substance, simply say, "No thank you."

DEAR READERS: It's time for my "timely" reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday -- so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour before going to bed. (That's what I'll be doing.)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)