DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, "Skye," is starting to go through puberty. She's not comfortable discussing things with me; instead she goes to her older sister with all her questions. They talk to each other in whispered tones in their bedroom with the door closed and locked.

When I try to discuss things with Skye, she becomes red in the face and refuses to talk to me. She is now ashamed to even have me see her undressed, but has no shyness about her body with her sister.

They have always had a close relationship, and I am pleased about that, but I feel shut out of what should be something between a mother and a daughter. I do not feel I have ever done anything to make Skye feel uncomfortable with me about such things, and I feel hurt to be excluded like this.

My older daughter was very open with me about what she was experiencing when she was going through puberty. I have tried to ask Skye what the problem is; she won't talk to me. What can I do? -- SHUT OUT IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR SHUT OUT: No two children are alike, and it appears that your younger daughter is modest to the extreme. It's possible that because Skye has always shared a room with her older sister, that's the reason she's more comfortable discussing the changes that are occurring with her rather than you.

My advice is to step back and don't push Skye. Be glad she can confide in her sister, and check with your older girl periodically to find out if there is anything you should know.

DEAR ABBY: Due to the war on terror and a renewed sense of patriotism, more individuals and businesses are displaying American flags. However, many appear to be unfamiliar with flag etiquette.

With Veterans Day approaching (Nov. 11), please encourage readers to inspect their flags and make sure they are being displayed correctly. If the flag is torn or dirty, it should be cleaned and mended, or disposed of with dignity. A properly handled flag is a sign of respect to those who have served, and currently serve, to protect the freedoms we Americans often take for granted. -- PROUD FAMILY MEMBER OF A VETERAN

DEAR PROUD FAMILY MEMBER: Your letter is timely and important. Proud Americans who display flags should be aware of a rule of flag etiquette that states that the flag should be in good condition. Sadly, I have seen more than a few that looked like faded red, white and blue rags.

According to the U.S. Flag Code, "When a flag has served its useful purpose, it should be destroyed, preferably by burning." The pamphlet "Flag Etiquette" published by the American Legion states: "For individual citizens this should be done discreetly so that the act is not perceived as a protest or desecration."

Many American Legion posts conduct Disposal of Unserviceable Flag ceremonies on June 14, Flag Day, each year. The Boy and Girl Scouts of America also are able to conduct these ceremonies. If you're ready to dispose of yours, check with the local Boy or Girl Scout Council -- or wait until the Girl Scout cookie sales start locally and offer the flag to a troop during a sale at a small business.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter from "Lost in the Land of Aloha" (Sept. 1) and whether short men are considered less desirable -- height is relative. I am 5'3" and dated taller men, usually 6 feet and over, because those were the guys who just were around and seemed to be attracted to me.

Then I met my husband. He's 5 feet 6 inches and absolutely wonderful. Before me, he dated much taller women. He's kind, loving, showers me with affection, offers me understanding, is a fantastic father and a complete kid-magnet. He cooks, washes dishes, does laundry, changes diapers, and actually picks things up off the floor instead of vacuuming around them. I am the luckiest woman on this planet, and I know it.

Never pass up a short guy. They're not short -- they're fun-sized! -- VERY, VERY HAPPY WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR WIFE: I received a tsunami of responses to my question, "Does height really matter?" And it shows there's no "shortage" of support for men like "Kal" ("Aloha's" friend) and your honey of a husband. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are both 5 feet 6 inches. In the past I was concerned that we didn't fit the stereotype of the man being taller than the woman, but it has actually worked out great. We can switch cars without having to adjust the seats and mirrors. Our lips line up exactly when we kiss. I never have to stand on my toes! On our wedding day, I wore gorgeous ballet flats. "Kal" will eventually find a woman who appreciates him for the breadth of his heart and not the length of his body. -- SEEING EYE TO EYE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: It's all a matter of personal preference. I need to think the man I'm with will be able to protect me if need be. I don't have that feeling with a short guy. And it doesn't matter how muscular he is -- it's the height that counts in my mind. -- LIKES LOOKING UP AT THE GUY

DEAR ABBY: You bet a man being tall makes a difference. I'm an average-sized bachelor who works around many attractive women. I get plenty of flirting and interest, but every time I meet one of my co-workers' husbands, he's a tall athletic stud. That's just the way it goes. -- THE SHORT OF IT IN LONGMONT, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: This may seem shallow, but height does matter to me. I'm a tall woman, and when I date men who are shorter than I am, I feel even bigger. It makes me uncomfortable, which does not make for a good date. -- TALL DRINK OF WATER IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: Aren't you aware that the vast majority of females prefer taller men? "Heightism" is a rampant and virulent prejudice. Even if a guy is an inch or two taller than the woman, he will be considered too short if he isn't taller than she is when she's wearing heels.

Women go gaga over the really tall guys. I can't count the number of times I've heard them brag about how tall their man happens to be. I have never heard a female boast, "My boyfriend's only 5 feet 6, but he really is all man." -- ROLAND IN MAINE

DEAR ABBY: Does height matter? Not a whit! I'm a 6-foot-2-inch guy. The men who catch my eye are in the 5-foot-7 to 5-foot-9-inch range, but I certainly don't draw the line. Shorter guys? Bring 'em on! (One at a time, though.) -- DON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: No matter how tall or short you are, the most important thing in a relationship cannot be measured: It's love. -- WISE ONE IN YUKON, OKLA.

DEAR ABBY: I lived with my best friend and her husband for a few months after moving to a new state. They recently went through a rough patch and she took a vacation to cool off. In her absence, and under the influence of a great deal of alcohol, her husband and I slept together. We decided it happened only because we were drunk and decided never to speak of it again.

The problem is -- it happened again, this time with almost no alcohol involved at all!

I'm reluctant to tell my friend about our trysts. I think telling her will do more harm than good. On the other hand, the guilt eats at me every day to the point that I cry over what I've done to her. Her husband doesn't want to tell her, ever. What should I do? -- TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

DEAR TT OR NOT TT: Own your guilt. You've earned it. And confess your sin to your religious adviser. But if you feel that telling your friend will do more harm than good, remain silent.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20 years is kind, loving and well-respected. He is one of the greatest guys you would ever meet. We have a great marriage, rarely fight and have many things in common. My problem? When he speaks, he frequently says "youse guys," and it drives me insane.

I have a brother-in-law who uses "I seen" instead of "I saw," and I know it drives my sister crazy. How do we broach the subject with our hubbies without hurting their feelings, making them feel inadequate or angering them? I am not going to correct my husband in public, but when he says "youse guys" around our friends, I cringe. Help! -- LANGUAGE POLICE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LANGUAGE POLICE: I'm surprised that after 20 years of marriage you would only now be asking for advice on how to persuade your husband to use proper English. My advice is to tell him you love him and ask if he would like you to help him lose the "youse." If he agrees, start reminding him when he forgets. But if he says no, leave it alone and concentrate on his many virtues. In the scheme of things, isn't his one flaw rather insignificant?

DEAR ABBY: I recently sent an expensive flower arrangement to a dear friend in the hospital to let her know how much she means to me.

When I went to visit, the flowers were not in her room. When I asked about them, she said she had given them to her nurse to display at the nurses' station. I'm assuming the gesture was to show her appreciation for the service they have given her.

I am disappointed and hurt because they were meant to bring her some joy. I understand that when you give someone a present the person has every right to do whatever he or she wants with it, but I wish she would have waited until she was discharged to give the flowers away. Am I wrong to feel hurt? -- DISAPPOINTED IN CLEVELAND

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: The problem with nursing a hurt in silence is that it may be based on an incorrect assumption, so clear the air with your friend. If you ask her why she gave her flowers to the nurses, she may tell you she thought they were so lovely she wanted to share them with everyone who came to the floor. And that would mean your bouquet has brought joy many times over, which is what I would consider getting a big bang for your buck.