DEAR ABBY: You told "No Ink in Louisville" (Aug. 24) that her friend cared more about getting a tattoo than the feelings of the bride-to-be, and her "little sister" should have postponed getting one until after the wedding.

I think "No Ink" was insensitive on several counts. If she truly loves her dear friend, why couldn't she simply accept her friend's wish to wear a tattoo at the wedding? Shouldn't the love and acceptance of her friend come first? We are talking about true friendship. Should body appearance be so important to the bride that she thinks the tattoo will ruin her wedding or the photographs?

Friendship works both ways. I think both women were insensitive in their regard for each other, but this was an opportunity for the bride-to-be to show her maturity. I see this as simply another case of how consumed we are as a society by appearance. Come on! It's only a tattoo. -- BOB IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR BOB: Thank you for writing. I had an "inkling" my readers might have varied suggestions and opinions regarding that letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I think the tattoo would not only be visible for pictures, but also take away the beauty of the entire event. Attendants should complement the wedding not distract from it. I would ask the bridesmaid to please wear a sheer matching jacket -- or bow out. After all, it is the bride and groom's day -- and it is a big deal. -- NO TATTOO IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR ABBY: If "Ink" cared about her friend's feelings, she would never have requested that she wait six months to get a tattoo. There were people I would have loved to have had in my wedding party, but because I knew they were neither punctual nor reliable, they were guests, not part of my bridal party. I never would ask someone to put his or her life on hold for my one day. -- JILLIAN IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: The photographer can easily remove the tattoo from the photos. Thank goodness for digital photography! We have a picture of our son that was taken with his now ex-girlfriend and, because of the wonders of modern photography, he is now standing alone and looking mighty fine! -- DELETED HER FROM THE PICTURE

DEAR ABBY: There are many makeup concealers made to specifically camouflage tattoos. "Ink" can find plenty of them in makeup stores or online. They may be expensive, but if her friend agrees, it would be a small price to pay for the bride's peace of mind. And in this situation, because it's the bride who wants to hide the tattoo, I think she should be the one to buy the concealer. -- INK LOVER IN HONOLULU

DEAR ABBY: I wear loud, bright colors and have magenta-colored hair. My cousin is being married in a few weeks, and I offered to tone it down and wear muted colors so I would not stand out. She replied, "That isn't you," and that I should wear what I normally would -- vivid colors and all. We love each other and we respect our differences. Shouldn't that be what a wedding is all about -- love? -- KIM IN OAK HARBOR, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Jason," is a 17-year-old high school senior honor student. My wife and I have managed to establish a fairly open relationship with our children; we encourage honesty and have attempted to establish mutual respect.

Recently, Jason asked if he could have seven or eight friends over to drink. My wife, reasoning that if teenagers are going to indulge in alcohol, it's better for them to do it in a safe, controlled environment, said yes. I, on the other hand, said no, based on the fact that the parents of the other teens would not approve. Jason admitted that was, in fact, the case.

While I agree with my wife's reasoning, I refuse to allow my house to become the place where teens can gather to drink without their parents' knowledge. Jason is now upset with me, and I'm afraid he may no longer be willing to confide in me. In my heart, I know I made the right decision, but my relationship with my son means the world to me. What do you think? -- TORN IN HOUSTON

DEAR TORN: I agree. You did the right thing. You acted like a responsible parent. Not only would it have been illegal, but also, if any of your son's friends were to be injured after leaving the party drunk, the liability could have been yours.

That you asserted yourself will not ruin your relationship with your son forever. In time he will realize that your decision was the right one, and he will respect you for it. I know I do.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old woman who is trying to figure out my relationship with my sister. "Jasmine" is five years older and has always been outspoken, bossy and insensitive. My role has always been to be the quiet, meek one.

As children, Jasmine was jealous of me. She dominated me and was sometimes physically abusive. As an adult, I have struggled to assert myself. Every time I think I'm making headway, Jasmine will do or say something to take me down a few notches, leaving me devastated yet again.

I am tired. I have reached the point of giving up on having any kind of meaningful relationship with my sister. I don't know what else to do. We do not live close to each other and communicate mostly via e-mail. I have not confronted her personally because when we're together it's usually a family function, and I don't want to drag the whole family into it or upset our mother. Any suggestions? -- JASMINE'S WHIPPING GIRL

DEAR WHIPPING GIRL: Thank your lucky stars that you are exposed to your sister only infrequently. Until you can bring yourself to respond firmly when your sister steps over the line, it appears you'll have to continue tolerating the pain.

My advice would be to speak your mind to Jasmine once and for all and let the chips fall where they may if she puts you down at a family gathering. It would hardly be considered "attacking her" if you said plainly that her comments are hurtful and offensive. It's the truth. And if she's doing this via the Internet, warn her once, and if she persists, then block her e-mails.

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently died of lung cancer. While the family would like her ashes buried at the family plot, it was my wife's wish for her remains to be scattered in a favorite location far away. Family members are trying to discourage me by raising all sorts of issues.

Abby, is there any TSA or airline rule/law that would prevent me from carrying my wife's ashes on a flight to another state? -- MISSING MY LADY OUT WEST

DEAR MISSING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wife. I spoke with Transportation Security Administration spokesman Greg Soule. One challenge with transporting crematory remains may involve the security screening process.

TSA personnel will never ask you to open an urn. However, if the urn is made of metal that cannot be penetrated by X-ray, it would have to be packed in your checked baggage or shipped. Some funeral homes will transfer ashes to a temporary plastic container in situations like this. Urns made of ceramic or wood typically do not present a challenge.

Mr. Soule said he is not aware of any airline that prohibits passengers from traveling with crematory remains, but it's a good idea to check with the airline in advance. You should also visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.tsa.gov" ��www.tsa.gov�, click on "For Travelers" and read the section on "Traveling With Special Items."

DEAR ABBY: I consider myself an intelligent, accomplished young woman. I get good grades. I aced my SATs and am an accomplished musician. My problem is I'm afraid I project an image that is too "girly" or immature.

I have a naturally high voice and people seem surprised when they learn how well I do in school and in extracurricular activities. Sometimes I'm tempted to prove them wrong, but I'm also worried about the impression I give professors, employers and those who matter. How do I present myself more professionally so that people will take me seriously without sacrificing my femininity? -- STUDENT IN OBERLIN, OHIO

DEAR STUDENT: Whether it's fair or not, many people do form preconceptions because of the way someone presents her- or himself. Two suggestions come immediately to mind. Ask an adult to go through your closet with you and help you coordinate outfits that are conservative and more mature than "school outfits." If you have the money, start investing in some clothes that are suited to a business environment. And last -- but not least -- talk to a voice coach or speech therapist about lowering the register of your voice, which will make you appear to be older and more assertive.

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of a well-educated, 27-year-old daughter who has a master's degree. Yet she never remembers birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day, etc. with a gift. While I have never expected anything lavish, it's hurtful to receive nothing but a card.

My daughter wasn't raised this way. She was fortunate to have two professional parents who provided a very good life for her. What should I do, Abby? Should I just send a card for her birthday and Christmas, or write and let her know how hurtful I find her negligence? -- NOT GIFTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT GIFTED: Your daughter may hold a master's degree, but she's not a mind-reader. I can't think of a better way to communicate your feelings in a clear, coherent way than to put them in writing. Go ahead and write her a letter. But before mailing it, wait three or four days so you can reread and edit it if necessary.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)