DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ronnie," and I have a very active and "different" sex life. I'm happy I have found someone who is so compatible, but it has also presented a problem for me when we're out with friends.

Our bedroom activities occasionally include a third party -- a female. I'm perfectly happy with this arrangement because I am the one who initiated it. However, I have a problem with Ronnie's recruiting practices. He seems to think that because I have one friend who has joined us, all of them are fair game. Most of my friends are not aware of our activities. They're mainstream, and it's embarrassing when he propositions them. I try to blame it on booze, but they get offended. I have lost one good friend over it.

I have tried repeatedly to explain to Ronnie that there's a time and a place for everything. He just doesn't get it. He says not to worry about what others think. I don't want to end what we have, but I need him to understand that our sex life is not open for discussion among our tight-knit group of friends. Any suggestions? -- EMBARRASSED IN JERSEY

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Because you have explained to Ronnie that what he's doing is making you uncomfortable, that not all of your friends are into threesomes and it has already cost you one friend -- then face it. He doesn't want to "get it." Or, this may be his way of letting you know that he wants to do some recruiting of his own.

Before any more of your private business is broadcast, you will have to decide if Ronnie's ability in the bedroom makes up for the fact that he's embarrassing in other important social situations. Only you can decide that one.

DEAR ABBY: You probably have heard things like this before, but I don't know where to turn.

I have been dating "Jeff" for five years and we have a lot of fun together. Last week Jeff proposed marriage and -- I choked! Now I'm having doubts about everything, and he's getting impatient with me because I haven't given him an answer.

Things are not going the way I had hoped, Abby. Everything is falling apart. Does this happen often? How do I know if he's the right one? -- PANICKED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR PANICKED: It doesn't happen "often," but panicking at making a lifetime commitment certainly isn't unheard of. You need to relax, calm down, and realize that you have spent five enjoyable years with Jeff or the relationship would have ended. Then ask yourself how you would feel about a lifetime of similar experiences, and you'll have the answer you're looking for. I hope you'll be very happy together.

DEAR ABBY: I was friendly with a woman I'll call Paula. In the past, whenever I'd buy a lottery ticket I'd promise to buy her a house if I won.

Our friendship has become strained. In fact, we're no longer friends at all. It has been a year and a half since I've spoken to her.

Am I legally bound to buy Paula a house if I win? She's the kind of person who would take you to court and generally try to ruin your life. Could you please give me some advice and help me out of this jam? -- WINNER-TO-BE IN STAUNTON, VA.

DEAR WINNER-TO-BE: Yes. A verbal agreement is only as good as the paper it is written on.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my father suddenly six years ago. He was 56 and I was 25. I had always been Daddy's girl, and it took me a long time to deal with his death.

My problem is I'm unsympathetic to everyone around me now. I'll give you an example. A woman I work with is 60 and both her parents are still living, although her father is in failing health. She talks endlessly about his poor health and how it takes up all her time. Most people feel bad for her, but I resent the fact that she's upset that her dad is 86 and dying, when my dad died so young.

I feel like I am becoming a cold, unfeeling person and I don't know how to stop it. Can you help? -- UNSYMPATHETIC IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNSYMPATHETIC: I don't think you are cold, unfeeling or unsympathetic. You may still not be over the loss of your father. The late Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross broke the grieving process into five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It might be helpful for you to discuss your concerns with a licensed mental health professional who can help you work this through.

And in the meantime, when your co-worker raises the subject of her pain at losing her father -- which I'm sure you identify with -- explain that it's too painful for you to hear and excuse yourself.

DEAR ABBY: We have a "situation" at work that is becoming intolerable. Our new boss of four months joins us for our coffee breaks and lunches. It is awkward, to say the least. The other secretaries and I look forward to our breaks as a time to unwind (and talk about the salespeople and our bosses if we need to vent). Now we can't speak freely.

Even worse, the woman has atrocious table manners. She talks the entire time she's eating -- chomping, slurping and spraying food all over. It's disgusting.

We brown-bag our lunches because we can't afford to eat out. We know we can't tell our boss she isn't welcome in the break room. Any ideas on how we can handle this? -- NAUSEATED IN BLOOMFIELD, N.J.

DEAR NAUSEATED: Allow me to offer a couple. Schedule your breaks so you aren't all taking one at once, which will make it more difficult for your new boss to join you. And at lunch, break into groups and take your brown bags off the premises if possible. That way, all of you won't have to tolerate her every day.

Frankly, I feel sympathy for the woman. She seems lonely and unaware of the fact that an invisible line separates management from staff, that she's not one of you and is intruding.

DEAR ABBY: When my son and his fiancee have a fight, she comes to cry on my shoulder. She says she doesn't want to talk to her friends because she doesn't want them to dislike him. Little does she know how stressful this is for me when I get to hear all the details. How can I put a stop to this without hurting her feelings? -- TOO MUCH INFORMATION IN IOWA

DEAR TOO MUCH INFORMATION: Start by telling her how stressful it is when she comes running to you when she and your son argue. Then, explain that as much as you care about her, if she's going to marry your son, she is going to have to learn to work out her problems with him on her own. You'll be doing her a favor.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my fiance, "Joe," for seven years. My problem is that he refuses invitations from my family to events and leaves me to go solo. Before the end of the year, there will be a baptism in which I am the godmother, as well as three weddings. Joe says he won't attend any of them.

He claims he's not interested in the baptism of our niece because he's not religious. He's declining the wedding invitations because he doesn't know the people well. He uses work as an excuse. Although he is required to work on weekends, it still infuriates me.

It's humiliating going to these family events alone, while people ask why Joe isn't there. I could give the "work" excuse, but I'm sure they'll find it hard to swallow that he can never get off.

I'm worried that when we're married my family won't show up because he pulls this. I have told him if he doesn't change I will need to reconsider our relationship. Giving me a few days out of the year shouldn't be a big deal. Am I right to be angry? -- SOCIALLY OBLIGATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SOCIALLY OBLIGATED: After tolerating this for seven years, you are only now getting upset about it? Your fiance may feel awkward in social situations, which is why he avoids them. If the reason for your anger is you're afraid your family won't attend your special events, stop worrying. Because you are attending theirs, they will reciprocate. However, because your fiance is as socially withdrawn as he appears to be, they will never get to know him. What a shame.

DEAR ABBY: A young family member, "Missy," age 18, has been doing nude centerfolds for almost a year. Her mother signed the approval paperwork for her because Missy was still 17 at the time of the first photo shoot. Since then, there have been many more photos and nude videos.

Missy's grandparents practically raised her and don't know about what she's doing. The rest of the family is aware of it. Her mother says it's Missy's responsibility to tell her grandparents. The rest of the family would prefer the mother tell them. We all realize we have been part of this conspiracy.

When our parents find out and realize that everyone else knew, they will feel betrayed. I'm afraid this will tear the family apart.

Missy has shared all this with her high school friends and others, so it may just be a matter of time before the grandparents hear about it. Is there a way to keep the family from falling apart over this? -- COVERED UP IN THE DEEP SOUTH

DEAR COVERED UP: Once more than one person knows a secret, it's no longer a secret. When the inevitable happens, keep the hysteria to a minimum. While her grandparents may have preferred that Missy get ahead by using her brains, this doesn't have to be the end of the world. Look at it this way: One person who posed for a nude centerfold is now a U.S. senator. And that's a fact.