DEAR ABBY: I lost my father suddenly six years ago. He was 56 and I was 25. I had always been Daddy's girl, and it took me a long time to deal with his death.

My problem is I'm unsympathetic to everyone around me now. I'll give you an example. A woman I work with is 60 and both her parents are still living, although her father is in failing health. She talks endlessly about his poor health and how it takes up all her time. Most people feel bad for her, but I resent the fact that she's upset that her dad is 86 and dying, when my dad died so young.

I feel like I am becoming a cold, unfeeling person and I don't know how to stop it. Can you help? -- UNSYMPATHETIC IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNSYMPATHETIC: I don't think you are cold, unfeeling or unsympathetic. You may still not be over the loss of your father. The late Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross broke the grieving process into five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It might be helpful for you to discuss your concerns with a licensed mental health professional who can help you work this through.

And in the meantime, when your co-worker raises the subject of her pain at losing her father -- which I'm sure you identify with -- explain that it's too painful for you to hear and excuse yourself.

DEAR ABBY: We have a "situation" at work that is becoming intolerable. Our new boss of four months joins us for our coffee breaks and lunches. It is awkward, to say the least. The other secretaries and I look forward to our breaks as a time to unwind (and talk about the salespeople and our bosses if we need to vent). Now we can't speak freely.

Even worse, the woman has atrocious table manners. She talks the entire time she's eating -- chomping, slurping and spraying food all over. It's disgusting.

We brown-bag our lunches because we can't afford to eat out. We know we can't tell our boss she isn't welcome in the break room. Any ideas on how we can handle this? -- NAUSEATED IN BLOOMFIELD, N.J.

DEAR NAUSEATED: Allow me to offer a couple. Schedule your breaks so you aren't all taking one at once, which will make it more difficult for your new boss to join you. And at lunch, break into groups and take your brown bags off the premises if possible. That way, all of you won't have to tolerate her every day.

Frankly, I feel sympathy for the woman. She seems lonely and unaware of the fact that an invisible line separates management from staff, that she's not one of you and is intruding.

DEAR ABBY: When my son and his fiancee have a fight, she comes to cry on my shoulder. She says she doesn't want to talk to her friends because she doesn't want them to dislike him. Little does she know how stressful this is for me when I get to hear all the details. How can I put a stop to this without hurting her feelings? -- TOO MUCH INFORMATION IN IOWA

DEAR TOO MUCH INFORMATION: Start by telling her how stressful it is when she comes running to you when she and your son argue. Then, explain that as much as you care about her, if she's going to marry your son, she is going to have to learn to work out her problems with him on her own. You'll be doing her a favor.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my fiance, "Joe," for seven years. My problem is that he refuses invitations from my family to events and leaves me to go solo. Before the end of the year, there will be a baptism in which I am the godmother, as well as three weddings. Joe says he won't attend any of them.

He claims he's not interested in the baptism of our niece because he's not religious. He's declining the wedding invitations because he doesn't know the people well. He uses work as an excuse. Although he is required to work on weekends, it still infuriates me.

It's humiliating going to these family events alone, while people ask why Joe isn't there. I could give the "work" excuse, but I'm sure they'll find it hard to swallow that he can never get off.

I'm worried that when we're married my family won't show up because he pulls this. I have told him if he doesn't change I will need to reconsider our relationship. Giving me a few days out of the year shouldn't be a big deal. Am I right to be angry? -- SOCIALLY OBLIGATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SOCIALLY OBLIGATED: After tolerating this for seven years, you are only now getting upset about it? Your fiance may feel awkward in social situations, which is why he avoids them. If the reason for your anger is you're afraid your family won't attend your special events, stop worrying. Because you are attending theirs, they will reciprocate. However, because your fiance is as socially withdrawn as he appears to be, they will never get to know him. What a shame.

DEAR ABBY: A young family member, "Missy," age 18, has been doing nude centerfolds for almost a year. Her mother signed the approval paperwork for her because Missy was still 17 at the time of the first photo shoot. Since then, there have been many more photos and nude videos.

Missy's grandparents practically raised her and don't know about what she's doing. The rest of the family is aware of it. Her mother says it's Missy's responsibility to tell her grandparents. The rest of the family would prefer the mother tell them. We all realize we have been part of this conspiracy.

When our parents find out and realize that everyone else knew, they will feel betrayed. I'm afraid this will tear the family apart.

Missy has shared all this with her high school friends and others, so it may just be a matter of time before the grandparents hear about it. Is there a way to keep the family from falling apart over this? -- COVERED UP IN THE DEEP SOUTH

DEAR COVERED UP: Once more than one person knows a secret, it's no longer a secret. When the inevitable happens, keep the hysteria to a minimum. While her grandparents may have preferred that Missy get ahead by using her brains, this doesn't have to be the end of the world. Look at it this way: One person who posed for a nude centerfold is now a U.S. senator. And that's a fact.

DEAR ABBY: My dad was on the kidney transplant list for almost four years. Last week, he received a call that there was a kidney for him. As I sat in the waiting room during his transplant surgery, I became aware that two other families were in the same situation. One's relative was also getting a kidney transplant, the other a liver. As we talked, it became apparent that every transplant surgery that evening was from the same donor.

I can't help but think of the family who lost this young man, who helped to save the lives of three people while grieving their loss. I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to that family and to all the families who have donated the organs of their loved ones.

Because of one person, my father and two other dads got a new lease on life. My plea is for people to mark the back of their driver's license to indicate their willingness to become an organ donor. Also let your families know that you want your organs donated if, God forbid, anything were to ever happen. It will make the decision for them much easier.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to speak out and perhaps save someone's life the way someone saved my dad, whom I love very much. -- GRATEFUL DAUGHTER IN OWENSBORO, KY.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your letter touched my heart. I hope it will remind everyone what a precious gift each of us can give if we wish.

Readers, I encourage all of you to discuss the subject of organ donation with your families. Let them know you would like to give the "gift of life" and ensure that a part of you lives on. Your generosity can make the difference between life and death for someone.

For more information about organ donation, contact the National Kidney Foundation at Box DA, 30 E. 33rd St., New York, NY 10016, call toll-free (800) 622-9010 or log onto � HYPERLINK "http://www.kidney.org" ��www.kidney.org�.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend has asked me to be her maid of honor. Of course I agreed, but my husband doesn't want me to for a couple of reasons. First, he says I shouldn't be a maid of honor because I am married. Second, he's uncomfortable about my walking down the aisle with another man (the best man) and being photographed with him.

I want to be there for my friend, but I don't want to create tension between my husband and me. He has made it clear that if I choose to be in this wedding he won't attend as a guest.

The wedding is scheduled for a year from now, and I don't want to be stressing about this until next September. What should I do? -- TORN BETWEEN MY FRIEND AND MY HUSBAND

DEAR TORN: It appears you have married a man who is insecure and controlling. If he had said he'd be uncomfortable if you were seated with the bridal party at the reception while he sat in "Siberia," I would understand. However, his idea that a married woman cannot be a maid of honor is incorrect, and his objection that there's something wrong with your walking down the aisle or being photographed with the best man is ridiculous. So tell your husband (sweetly) that he'll be missed at the wedding, and if he's more comfortable not attending it's OK with you.