DEAR ABBY: My father just passed away. He was a pastor. He and Mom were married 40 years, but their relationship became very strained during the last 10. Counseling was unsuccessful and they divorced 15 years ago. Dad was hurt and humiliated by it. Mom felt she had to escape a marriage that was killing her emotionally.
I received a draft of Dad's obituary from my two siblings. It mentions all surviving relatives except my mother, who is still alive and living in the same town where she and Dad spent most of their lives together. I feel omitting her is a slap in the face, but my sister says that because they were divorced, Mom "deserves" no mention. What is protocol in such a situation? -- SURVIVING SON IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SON: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father. While your sister may have said it in a way that seemed judgmental, she is technically correct. After a couple divorces and one of them dies, the name of the former spouse is usually not mentioned in the obituary.