DEAR ABBY: Like most 16-year-old girls, I have a cell phone. My father pays for it and I'm grateful that he does, even though I live with my mom and he's a two-hour drive away. He has been paying for it for a year and a half.

Every month when I visit him he demands to see my phone. Then he looks through my messages and photos. There's nothing "bad" on my phone, but I feel my personal space is being invaded. I brought it up to him a few times, but he just said, "Deal with it!" He said if I don't want him to see something, I should delete it.

What can I do to get my dad to respect my privacy? I feel he wants to control my life. I want my own space. -- GETTING GRIEF IN GRANTS PASS, ORE.

DEAR GETTING GRIEF: I'm sure your father means well, but his attempt at "supervision" when you visit him seems heavy-handed. The first thing you should do is discuss your feelings with your mother. Perhaps she can help him understand that you're mature enough to be trusted. But if that doesn't work, you will have to figure out a way to come up with the money to pay for your own cell phone.

DEAR ABBY: My father went to prison when I was 2 months old. My mother and maternal grandparents made sure I had a relationship with him through phone calls and letters. They told me early on what he did, and I have worked through it.

After 22 years and eight parole hearings, my father has been granted a parole. He will be home with my paternal grandparents in October. I'm happy and excited, but he's trying to make up for lost time. He has a son who wants nothing to do with any of us, so it's all left to me. He said, "Your mother had you for the first 22 holidays. I get the next 22," and he expects me to spend the entire first week he's home at my grandparents' house with him.

I am very close to my mom and younger siblings. I love our holiday traditions and don't want to give any of that up. Furthermore, I'm not comfortable staying at my grandparents' home. I don't know them well, and I don't sleep well in strange places.

I work full-time, go to school and have my own house with my fiance. I think my father wants more than I am ready to give right now. What do I do? -- FEELING ANXIOUS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ANXIOUS: Your father is starved for family, which is understandable, but he has overlooked the fact that rebuilding a relationship can't be done on a seven-day timetable. What you need to do is tell him that he is demanding more than you are ready, able and comfortable giving -- and you would prefer to get to know him at your own pace. And stand by that, or he may devour you as he tries to make up for all the years he has wasted because of his mistakes. Frankly, I think his demand is presumptuous, and I'm glad you wrote.

DEAR ABBY: I have two large dogs. They are very sweet, but they are young and can be hyperactive. On more than one occasion guests have requested that I put my dogs outside so they can be more comfortable.

I feel it's rude to ask such a thing when it is the dogs' home. They knew about my dogs prior to the visit. Am I wrong for not catering to my guests? Or are my guests wrong for even asking? -- BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE IN ARIZONA

DEAR BARKING: It is your responsibility as a pet owner to control your dogs and teach them good manners. If the presence of guests on the premises so overstimulates the dogs that they can't control themselves, then as a gracious host, you should remove them so they can calm down -- or not entertain at your home.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Pam" and I have been friends since childhood, when we attended preschool together. Our backgrounds are similar and we share the same religious views.

About two months ago, Pam suddenly stopped speaking to me. I have wracked my brain and honestly have no idea why. I have called, e-mailed and sent her letters to which she tersely replied, "Leave me alone."

I'm sick over it and don't know what to do. My kids love Pam and I adore her children and family. I cannot for the life of me imagine what would cause her to discard our friendship with no explanation.

I heard through the neighborhood grapevine that people suspect there must have been some kind of infidelity involved -- such as Pam's husband hitting on me or mine on her. According to one neighbor, "It's the only plausible reason" a friendship like ours would end so abruptly. I am beside myself. What should I do? -- HAVEN'T A CLUE IN NEW YORK

DEAR HAVEN'T A CLUE: I wish you had written me before soliciting advice from your neighbors because now you've got them talking. There may be something going on in your friend's life having nothing to do with you that she's not comfortable talking about right now -- which could also account for her silence. Try not to internalize what has happened and allow her the space she's asking for. The truth will come out eventually. It always does ...

DEAR ABBY: I am a disabled man and I live with my 75-year-old mother. Most of the time we get along OK, but Mom is a "clutter bug." I have never known her to throw anything away.

There are newspapers and magazines stacked everywhere in our home dating back at least 10 years. Mom doesn't want to invite anyone into the house. She says it's "a mess," but she won't take advantage of any professional cleaning or organizing services. We haven't entertained in 30 years!

Could this be a sign of Alzheimer's? What can I do about her? Please help. -- BURIED ALIVE IN AKRON

DEAR BURIED ALIVE: If your mother has been this way for 30 years, it's not Alzheimer's -- she's a compulsive hoarder. She may need psychological help and/or medication to overcome her anxiety about letting anything go. If you have a social worker who helps with your disability, talk to that person about finding help for your mother. If you don't, talk to her physician. The situation as you describe it indicates the house could be a safety hazard -- possibly a fire trap. Please do not procrastinate any longer because your lives could depend upon it.

DEAR ABBY: Is it odd to eat with one hand in one's lap? I didn't realize that I did it until my fiance's parents mentioned it to me at a dinner. When we subsequently ate with my family, I realized that every person in my family eats the same way.

My future in-laws say they have never heard of such a thing. My grandmother says it is good table manners, and I have no intention of changing. (My fiance and I are both third-generation Americans.)

What do we teach our (future) kids? -- PROPERLY TAUGHT IN ARIZONA

DEAR PROPERLY TAUGHT: Teach them the proper table manners that you were taught as a child. According to Emily Post, by the time a child is 12, he or she should have learned to "sit with good posture and feet firmly on the floor throughout the meal. (And) keep free hand in lap when not cutting food or passing items." (The italics are mine.)

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Cautious Bachelorette" (July 16) asked you how she should respond to a workman who asks if she lives alone. Having worked 30 years in a maximum security prison, I can assure your readers that criminals gravitate toward jobs that provide access to people's homes as a way of scouting victims, so "Bachelorette's" concern is well-founded.

I advise single women to keep a few articles of men's clothing, such as a jacket, work boots and other items, visible in their homes. They can be purchased inexpensively at a yard sale or local thrift shop. When a stranger is invited into her home, she can simply pick up one of the articles stating, "Here, let me get John's coat out of your way." It does provide a very real deterrent to criminals or others looking for a single woman to victimize. -- RONALD A., WASHINGTON STATE DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS (RETIRED)

DEAR RONALD: My readers agreed that setting the stage (with an invisible housemate) is an effective way to give the impression to outsiders that you do not live alone. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Take a suggestion from a senior citizen who has lived alone for many years -- and it applies not only to females, but also to males of any age. Singles should purchase articles of the opposite sex and display them prominently in their homes so they can be seen by any stranger who comes into their homes. That way, the question, "Do you live alone?" doesn't come up. -- SAFE SENIOR CITIZEN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: I would recommend "Cautious Bachelorette" purchase a male beta fish. They take very little time and energy to care for. Name him Fred, or some other masculine name. That way, when she's asked if she lives alone, she can honestly say, "No. Fred lives with me." If people inquire deeper, she can say that they have a close one-on-one relationship, and he is very dependable. She could even add that he is a professional swimmer without fibbing. That way she will be able to have a truthful reply for any who ask. -- FRED'S HOUSEMATE

DEAR ABBY: I live alone and I keep a men's magazine on my coffee table, a second set of towels in my bathroom and even went to the thrift store and bought a bathrobe that hangs on a hook behind the bathroom door. Also, my table is always set for two, and I always speak in terms of "we" whenever I have a stranger in my home. -- SINGLE BUT CAUTIOUS IN PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Here's how I give the illusion of not living alone. I have two deck chairs set out and often leave things outside like a shovel, my brother's flip-flops, or I toss a baseball cap onto the porch swing. -- LONGTIME READER IN EL CERRITO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married 24 years, but the last several years were extremely difficult. We have separated, but have not filed the paperwork yet. I would like to begin moving forward with my life. It has been six months and there will be no reconciliation.

Recently, someone who knows my circumstances asked me out on a date. Would it be inappropriate for me to go, or to date in general? -- DATING DILEMMA IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR DATING DILEMMA: If you are truly ready to move forward with your life, file the paperwork first. Even divorces that start amicably can become messy to some degree. Filing the paperwork first will make it less so.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: It's time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone. May God make yours a blessed feast.