DEAR ABBY: I had to chuckle at the letter from "Smooth-Headed in Tampa" (June 28), who complained that shallow women won't date a bald man. He hit the nail on the head with the term "shallow."

My husband is bald, but I didn't realize it when I first met him because he always wore a ball cap. We had gone to school together many years earlier, and he had thick, wavy hair then. When he took his cap off, I only hesitated for a second, remembering a lesson my father had taught me: "Never judge a book by its cover."

I'm so glad I heeded my dad's advice. We've been married 11 years and are more in love with each other now than when we married.

Please tell "Smooth-Headed" that not all women are shallow. He wouldn't want a woman like that, anyway. Besides, those women have no idea what they're missing. I keep threatening to get my husband that T-shirt that reads, "This Isn't a Bald Head, It's a Solar Panel for a Sex Machine," but he says he doesn't want to spill the beans! -- LOVE HIS CHROME DOME

DEAR LOVE: Thank you for the encouraging words for "Smooth-Headed." If the enthusiasm from my readers who love and/or prefer bald men is any indication, "Smooth" has been worrying needlessly. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I happen to absolutely go nuts over bald or balding men. I find nothing sexier. I can spot a bald man a mile off, and in my eyes there is no one else who compares. It may be because ever since I can remember, my father has been balding.

It makes no difference to me whether a man has little or no hair, is tall or short, thin or heavy. It is what's on the inside that counts. Any man bold enough to shave his head or not cover it with a ball cap is tops in my book. (My favorite actor is Vin Diesel.) -- OUT THERE LOOKING

DEAR ABBY: Doesn't "Smooth" know that bald is the new "sexy"? If he is uncomfortable with his hairline, he should see a barber or stylist who can make what hair he has "hot." Every head can look good.

I have happily dated men with receding hairlines and shaved heads. "Smooth" just needs to find a real woman who's interested in who he is, not what's growing or not growing on top of his head. -- NOT BALDPHOBIC IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ABBY: You are correct that plenty of women will date balding men. Aside from your assertion that we are the smart ones who see beyond the surface, balding is supposed to be a sign of virility.

I do have one question for "Smooth-Headed": Are you willing to date women who are less than supermodels? Many women I know, myself included, are smart, funny and sexy, but have been spurned because we are slightly overweight. What I have learned is that people who sit around whining about the opposite sex being shallow should review their own biases and unrealistic expectations. Who might you be overlooking, Mr. "Smooth"? -- BIG AND BEAUTIFUL IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR ABBY: I am in a loving, happy relationship with my 26-year-old boyfriend who has male-pattern baldness. We met through Internet dating, and "Smooth" should give it a try. Potential dates read about your interests and personality at the same time they see your photos. They'll start to know you before they meet you.

My advice to balding men: Don't be ashamed. "Own" your baldness. My boyfriend does. And his self-confidence makes him even more attractive to me. -- HAPPY HONEY TO A BALDING BABE

DEAR ABBY: I met "Guy" seven years ago and fell deeply in love. We dated for a couple of months, but one day with no warning he broke up with me on my voicemail.

Three weeks after the breakup, Guy came to my home. It was the week of his wedding, which he never bothered to mention. I later heard he had been married from a mutual friend. I knew Guy had been seeing someone, but he never indicated that it was serious.

We have been having an affair ever since our breakup. Because I love him, I can't say no to him. He'll go through periods where he says he's getting divorced. He even told my mom that. Then he calls and says they're going to work it out. I never pushed. I want him to be happy -- even if it's not with me -- and I want no part in causing a divorce. Every time I start to get over Guy, he comes around again. It's like he has radar.

The last time we slept together, a month ago, he told me he thought he had married the wrong woman. The next day, he admitted he has too much at stake to make a change. I am in so much pain. I don't want to be his mistress. If I tell his wife, Guy will never speak to me again. Should I tell her? -- RUNNER-UP IN CHEYENNE

DEAR RUNNER-UP: Whether you're willing to admit it to yourself or not, by continuing the affair with Guy you have been trying to sabotage his marriage. Your first clue that Guy wasn't much of a man should have been when he used voicemail to "break up" seven years ago. He has now made it plain that he isn't going to leave his wife.

Haven't you recognized by now that he is concerned only with his own gratification and doesn't care who is hurt by his actions? This Guy will waste as much of your time as you are willing to give. For your own sake, call a halt and get your head straight. You won't stop hurting until you draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I decided to pursue a career as a foreign diplomat. My wife and I weighed the pros and cons and concluded that the opportunity was worth the separation from family and friends. I'm proud that I'll be able to provide the kind of life for my family that we have always wanted, and I'm set to begin training soon.

We have begun spreading the news, and most of our relatives and friends share our excitement. My wife's sister, "Lucinda," however, is furious. Her objections started with snide little "jabs" but have grown into a full-blown assault. She is accusing me of ruining her life and threatening to cut off all contact unless we reconsider. My wife is distraught from the badgering and I'm afraid their relationship is on the verge of collapse.

Should I bow to Lucinda's threats or follow our dream and risk being disowned by a member of the family? I'm afraid I have inadvertently ruined my wife's relationship with her sister. -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Unless you want the remainder of your marriage and your career to be dictated by your wife's sister, do not back down. Lucinda appears to be an insecure, and possibly troubled, woman who is trying to control you and your wife through emotional blackmail. You have a bright -- not to mention fascinating -- future ahead of you. So follow your chosen path and do not allow your sister-in-law to continue to interfere. To fold now would only be the beginning of your problems.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 36-year-old woman who has a 25-year-old friend I love like a little sister. Because of that connection, I felt compelled to ask her to be a bridesmaid in my upcoming wedding.

After she agreed, I overheard her mention that she would be getting a large tattoo on her arm. Because she knows how I feel about visible tattoos, I asked her if she'd wait six months until after the wedding. She and the matron of honor are scheduled to wear strapless, knee-length gowns.

She proceeded with the tattoo and now has half an arm of full-color design. I don't want her to ruin my wedding or the photographs. I would feel guilty if I had to force a jacket or sweater on her or my matron of honor, especially if the day is unseasonably hot. What should I do? -- NO INK IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR NO INK: If your "little sister" cared as much about your feelings as you seem to about hers, she would have postponed getting the tattoo as you requested. Too bad she didn't.

However, weddings are more than the procession and the picture album. They are about loving friends and family and the joining of two people who intend to build a life together. If you're worried about the pictures, pose "Sis" so her "canvas" can't be seen by the camera.

DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago, my husband, "John," had an affair that resulted in the birth of a child. Although it was difficult, John and I stayed together and our marriage is better than ever.

My husband supports "Talia" financially and sees her whenever he can. The adults have all managed to create a cordial, working relationship for Talia's sake.

Talia spends a few weeks with us during school breaks. When I go out with her and run into acquaintances, they'll ask, "Who's this?" I will give her name, but sometimes they press for more. Many of our friends know we've been married for a long time with only one child together. (Our daughter is in college.)

My question is -- is Talia my stepdaughter? Is there a simple way of answering these questions without making anyone uncomfortable, especially Talia? -- PART-TIME MOMMY

DEAR PART-TIME MOMMY: Yes. Talia is your stepdaughter, and you can introduce her that way or refer to her as John's daughter. Either would be correct.

DEAR ABBY: What is the polite way to correct a child who is being rude in your home while her mother, who is present, does absolutely nothing? -- DISCIPLINARIAN IN TRACY, CALIF.

DEAR DISCIPLINARIAN: Here's how I'd handle it. I would get down to the child's eye level and say: "Honey, I have certain rules in my house. When you're here, I expect you to ( ). Do you understand?"

You cannot expect a child who may not have been taught basic manners by his (or her) mother to know what you expect unless you spell it out sweetly and firmly. And if the bad behavior persists, I would socialize with the child's mother only one-on-one.