DEAR ABBY: I'm a 36-year-old woman who has a 25-year-old friend I love like a little sister. Because of that connection, I felt compelled to ask her to be a bridesmaid in my upcoming wedding.

After she agreed, I overheard her mention that she would be getting a large tattoo on her arm. Because she knows how I feel about visible tattoos, I asked her if she'd wait six months until after the wedding. She and the matron of honor are scheduled to wear strapless, knee-length gowns.

She proceeded with the tattoo and now has half an arm of full-color design. I don't want her to ruin my wedding or the photographs. I would feel guilty if I had to force a jacket or sweater on her or my matron of honor, especially if the day is unseasonably hot. What should I do? -- NO INK IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR NO INK: If your "little sister" cared as much about your feelings as you seem to about hers, she would have postponed getting the tattoo as you requested. Too bad she didn't.

However, weddings are more than the procession and the picture album. They are about loving friends and family and the joining of two people who intend to build a life together. If you're worried about the pictures, pose "Sis" so her "canvas" can't be seen by the camera.

DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago, my husband, "John," had an affair that resulted in the birth of a child. Although it was difficult, John and I stayed together and our marriage is better than ever.

My husband supports "Talia" financially and sees her whenever he can. The adults have all managed to create a cordial, working relationship for Talia's sake.

Talia spends a few weeks with us during school breaks. When I go out with her and run into acquaintances, they'll ask, "Who's this?" I will give her name, but sometimes they press for more. Many of our friends know we've been married for a long time with only one child together. (Our daughter is in college.)

My question is -- is Talia my stepdaughter? Is there a simple way of answering these questions without making anyone uncomfortable, especially Talia? -- PART-TIME MOMMY

DEAR PART-TIME MOMMY: Yes. Talia is your stepdaughter, and you can introduce her that way or refer to her as John's daughter. Either would be correct.

DEAR ABBY: What is the polite way to correct a child who is being rude in your home while her mother, who is present, does absolutely nothing? -- DISCIPLINARIAN IN TRACY, CALIF.

DEAR DISCIPLINARIAN: Here's how I'd handle it. I would get down to the child's eye level and say: "Honey, I have certain rules in my house. When you're here, I expect you to ( ). Do you understand?"

You cannot expect a child who may not have been taught basic manners by his (or her) mother to know what you expect unless you spell it out sweetly and firmly. And if the bad behavior persists, I would socialize with the child's mother only one-on-one.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, I had to pick up my sister "Karyn" after a night out. When she called she told me I was going to "hate" her and not to judge her. The man she was with had been arrested for DUI. Abby, he is the same person who killed another one of my sisters in a drunk-driving accident years ago! Not only has Karyn been hanging out with him, it has been going on for months and she says it's serious.

I am appalled with my sister's choice. I told Karyn she could choose him or me. I guess she chose him because we haven't spoken since. I thought we were very close before, but now that I know what she has been doing, I no longer want anything to do with her.

Am I overreacting, or should she be more concerned with how her decisions affect the rest of the family? -- DISAPPOINTED IN NEW YORK

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I don't think you're overreacting, and I don't blame you for being appalled. Your sister has involved herself with a serious alcoholic who, if he could control his addiction, would have dried out after he killed someone. At least for the time being, keep your distance. While there's no accounting for the affairs of the heart, I have a strong hunch Karyn is going to need all the support you and the family can give her as this romance follows its predictable path.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful, loving, hard-working husband with one flaw. He is 24 years old and has literally spent 19 years of his life eating nothing but dairy, bread and pasta. We have been married more than two years, and he has only recently begun eating meat.

When I try to encourage him to try fruits or vegetables, he refuses and makes excuses. He'll even claim he is full and stop eating to avoid trying new things. I have managed cooking separately so far, but now we have an 18-month-old and I very worried that she will start imitating her father's poor eating habits. What can I do? I'm afraid for his health and for my daughter's future health. -- TERRIBLY TIRED OF CHEESE IN IOWA

DEAR TIRED OF CHEESE: Visit your nearest bookstore and look for a cookbook for parents of children who are finicky eaters like your husband. One was written in the last few years by Jessica Seinfeld (Jerry's wife), which details how to "sneak" healthy ingredients into broths and spaghetti sauces so they get their vitamins. That way you can feed your child and your spouse meals they will accept while providing proper nourishment -- and they'll be none the wiser.

DEAR ABBY: May I share with you and your readers some information that was provided to me by a fireman? It concerns senior citizens.

If seniors don't have an emergency alert device, they should take their car keys to bed with them and place them on their nightstand. The little red "panic" button can be used to start the horn of their car in an emergency. The neighbors will hear the horn and help them. -- RICK IN SCOTTSDALE

DEAR RICK: That's not a bad suggestion -- but first, forewarn the neighbors that if your car alarm goes off, it may indicate that you're in trouble. In my city, car alarms go off so frequently that people often assume it's a malfunction and ignore it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Jan," is having problems related to my late wife, "Ellen." Ellen and I were married 31 years. We built a business together and raised three sons. Obviously, I have a lifetime of memories associated with her. I admit that I still grieve, but I have tried to move on.

I am forbidden to mention Ellen's name around Jan. She says five years should be long enough to "forget." When we married two years ago, she moved into my home because it was bigger and closer to my business than hers. Jan now says she has no "place" in this house, although we moved most of her furniture in and sold mine.

Abby, Jan won't let me have a photo of Ellen, even in a drawer. I had to buy her a second piano because she refused to play the one that Ellen had played on, nor will she consider a certain make of car to replace hers because Ellen drove one.

She says she feels like "the other woman" in our marriage. It's not a threesome, and I'm not trying to mold her into my first wife. Did I make a mistake marrying just three years after my wife died? Am I inconsiderate of Jan's feelings, or is she being unreasonable? -- REMARRIED TEXAN

DEAR TEXAN: It's not unusual for a second wife who moves into an existing home to want to "sterilize" the interior so she can make it her own. However, I agree that Jan's reaction is extreme. Obviously, you married a woman with serious insecurities. Her insistence that the name of the mother of your children not be mentioned, or a photo of her kept -- even in a drawer -- is unrealistic and heavy-handed.

If you made a "mistake" it may have been in marrying while you were still grieving. Because you and Jan are at odds, I strongly advise scheduling some sessions with a marriage counselor.

DEAR ABBY: I was laid off recently and my husband does not make much money. We have lived within our means, but due to a recent rash of bad luck, necessary home repairs, kids' braces and medical bills, I don't know what to do.

My parents are not helping us in this time of need, and I am becoming resentful. They are elderly and we are always helping them -- cutting grass, painting, driving them to family get-togethers and doctor's appointments. These are things they would have to pay someone else for, but we do for free.

I want to say, "I need your help now, not an inheritance down the road." I have no siblings nearby and I know my parents' care will eventually fall to me, putting even more stress on my situation. Am I wrong to feel resentful, knowing they can afford to help us out but don't? -- DUTIFUL DAUGHTER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DUTIFUL DAUGHTER: Before you allow your resentment to build any further, have a talk with your parents. Have you asked them for help and been refused? Do you know all the details of their finances, and whether their savings are earning enough for them to live and still give you the help you're looking for? If you haven't already done so, start a dialogue with them -- without a chip on your shoulder or expectations about what they "should" do.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)