DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. When we got together he had just gotten out of a five-year relationship. He says he loves me, but he recently told me that she was better in bed than I am!

I have lost confidence in our relationship and don't enjoy making love with him now, knowing I don't measure up. His ex was better looking than I am, but I don't understand why he would say that. I have told him he hurt my feelings, but he doesn't care. What do I do now? -- HURT IN BIG SKY COUNTRY

DEAR HURT: Now you ask yourself whether you want to continue a relationship with someone so tactless that he would drop a bomb on you like that one. It's telling that when you let him know you were hurt, he let you know he didn't care.

There are diplomatic ways for partners to communicate what they prefer when they are intimate. One of them involves positive reinforcement when their partner does something right. Another is simply saying in plain English what feels good. It appears that your boyfriend is insensitive to the max, my dear. But what you do about it is something no one but you can decide.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 11 years to my husband, who is one of nine children. My sister-in-law has asked me for a copy of one of our wedding pictures, which is the last time all of them were together. Since the wedding, one of my husband's sibs has died and another is serving a long stretch in prison.

The problem is, she wants to digitally remove me from the picture! I don't want to give my sister-in-law a copy knowing I'll be edited out. It's hurtful, and after all these years it makes me feel like she hasn't fully accepted me as part of the family. Am I overreacting? -- BLOCKED OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR BLOCKED OUT: Your sister-in-law wasn't very diplomatic, but what she is trying to memorialize is the last time her biological family was intact. The situation is poignant, really. My advice is not to take this personally. Give her the picture before any hard feelings "develop."

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old niece, "Amanda," is on her cell phone constantly. She is the smartest kid I know, but she is failing her classes and has started to lie about everything. I raised her until she was 5 -- I was only 12 myself when I started -- so I am very close to her. Or so I thought.

Amanda lives with her dad and stepmom, who are doing their best to raise her, but nothing is working. When she was growing up she never lied, and I mean never. I have told her not to be afraid to talk to me about anything, but she hasn't, and it hurts me that she can't come to me. What do you suggest I do? -- WORRIED AUNT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Speak to Amanda's father and suggest that he confiscate her cell phone until her grades improve. If she is texting instead of paying attention in class, and talking instead of doing her homework, that would be a step in the right direction. And continue to tell your niece that if she needs to talk to you about "anything," you are -- and will always be -- there for her.

DEAR ABBY: I have been romantically involved with my best friend, "Ray," for three years. We dated for a couple of years 14 years ago. He got a girl pregnant right before we started dating, and they ended up getting married and having four more children. We remained friends and began seeing each other after they divorced three years ago.

Ray says he has always been in love with me and should have married me. We're very close and spend as much time together as we can.

For the past year I have been asking when I'll meet his children. He keeps saying I need to be patient and when the time is right I can. We live in different cities.

Ray is a great dad -- very involved in his children's lives. He has them during the week, and on weekends, coaches basketball for his son, and takes them to their different activities. etc. I understand they are his first priority. I just wish he'd include me in that part of his life.

Ray says he wants to marry me. We discuss it often and plan on living together in the near future. I feel he doesn't want me to be a part of his life that involves the children. They range in age from 13 to 3 1/2. They know I exist because he has my picture by his bed, but he says they don't ask about me. Am I being "too" patient? -- REALITY CHECK IN KANSAS

DEAR REALITY: Are you absolutely certain that Ray is divorced? It seems strange to me that after three years you still haven't met his children. Or does he plan to have you move in and "surprise" them? That would be a big mistake.

If my suspicions are wrong and Ray is on the up and up, tell him you need him to set a definite timeline. You have been patient long enough.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin "Cassidy" met a man I'll call "Lenny" online and they started dating. When I met him a few months later, I recognized him as the man who had sexually assaulted two women I knew in college. He was convicted of these crimes, did time in jail and is a registered sex offender.

I was horrified and unsure about how to tell Cassidy. It turns out Lenny told her before they started dating, but she chose to date him anyway. They were married at the courthouse two years ago, a few weeks before my own wedding. I did not invite Lenny, and my cousin posted a nasty message online about it. When we are at family functions, I ignore him as much as I possibly can.

Although their marriage is not a good one, Cassidy is planning a formal wedding in a few months. I am torn. I don't support this, and besides, they are already married. If I don't attend, I'm afraid it will cause a big rift in my family.

Should I suck it up and put myself in a situation that makes me sick to my stomach? Or should I stay away with the possibility of upsetting those I care about? -- RELUCTANT RELATIVE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR RELUCTANT RELATIVE: Your cousin already knows how you feel about her husband because you tried to warn her. Unless you're as good an actress as Meryl Streep, your family cannot have missed the fact that you avoid him as often as possible. If the idea of attending the upcoming performance gives you an upset stomach, do everyone a favor and stay away. And if anyone gives you heat, be upfront about the fact you think she's making a mistake and would feel like a hypocrite if you went.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My widowed father-in-law is 77 and my mom is 71. I try to spend time with them so they won't be lonely. The problem is they now have only one interest -- gambling. They are only happy if someone will take them to a casino. A simple dinner or movie is no longer wanted.

I don't mind going once in a while. The closest casino is 90 miles away. But it ends up being an all-day affair, with me gambling money I would prefer not to let go of that way. I have brought books and spent time reading in the car or in restaurants, but that's not quality time, either.

They think that because my husband is successful, I should have no problem with money. Abby, I am careful how I spend money. You can't be in a casino for four hours and not lose a lot of money. Now they're mad at me because I don't want to take them anymore. Mom even wanted to stretch out the trip to an overnighter. Help! -- BETTING I'M RIGHT IN OHIO

DEAR BETTING: You are a caring wife and daughter. But it appears your mother and father-in-law are less interested in spending time with you than in spending time in the casino. If they can afford it, that should be their privilege, but you are all adults -- and if your concept of a social get-together involves more than sitting in front of a slot machine or repeating, "Deal me in!" then you're right to refuse to be used as transportation. Many seniors visit casinos in groups, using buses to get there and back, and so can your relatives. Don't feel guilty about it.

DEAR ABBY: My darling wife passed away after 38 years of marriage. After she died, her sister and I began talking on the phone as a way to get me through a very difficult time. A year later, I finally asked her to dinner.

We have discovered we have feelings for each other. Do you think there is anything wrong with this, and are we wrong for spending time together? -- CONSOLED IN ALABAMA

DEAR CONSOLED: Not only is there nothing wrong with it, there is a lot right with it. After being in-laws for nearly four decades, you have a wealth of shared history. And that can be the basis of a strong relationship.

DEAR ABBY: On April 6, you printed my letter about having been sent a photocopy of a high school graduation announcement. No picture was included, nor a card -- just the photocopy folded into a cheap envelope. (The "real" ones had been sent to more "important" people!) You called me to discuss my letter, and your call made my day.

My mom happened to call me right after I got off the phone, and when I told her my letter was being printed in your column, she informed me that she had actually received a photocopy of a thank-you card that day, from the same person I was talking about in my letter. These people continue to floor me.

Anyway, I hope this is the last "photocopy" story you'll be getting about them. But who knows? There could still be photocopies of wedding invitations and birth announcements in the future. -- EVEN MORE FLABBERGASTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR EVEN MORE FLABBERGASTED: Indeed there could. Obviously the folks you described in your letter aren't Dear Abby readers. It's lucky you have a sense of humor. With friends like those you need one.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)