DEAR ABBY: I have been romantically involved with my best friend, "Ray," for three years. We dated for a couple of years 14 years ago. He got a girl pregnant right before we started dating, and they ended up getting married and having four more children. We remained friends and began seeing each other after they divorced three years ago.

Ray says he has always been in love with me and should have married me. We're very close and spend as much time together as we can.

For the past year I have been asking when I'll meet his children. He keeps saying I need to be patient and when the time is right I can. We live in different cities.

Ray is a great dad -- very involved in his children's lives. He has them during the week, and on weekends, coaches basketball for his son, and takes them to their different activities. etc. I understand they are his first priority. I just wish he'd include me in that part of his life.

Ray says he wants to marry me. We discuss it often and plan on living together in the near future. I feel he doesn't want me to be a part of his life that involves the children. They range in age from 13 to 3 1/2. They know I exist because he has my picture by his bed, but he says they don't ask about me. Am I being "too" patient? -- REALITY CHECK IN KANSAS

DEAR REALITY: Are you absolutely certain that Ray is divorced? It seems strange to me that after three years you still haven't met his children. Or does he plan to have you move in and "surprise" them? That would be a big mistake.

If my suspicions are wrong and Ray is on the up and up, tell him you need him to set a definite timeline. You have been patient long enough.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin "Cassidy" met a man I'll call "Lenny" online and they started dating. When I met him a few months later, I recognized him as the man who had sexually assaulted two women I knew in college. He was convicted of these crimes, did time in jail and is a registered sex offender.

I was horrified and unsure about how to tell Cassidy. It turns out Lenny told her before they started dating, but she chose to date him anyway. They were married at the courthouse two years ago, a few weeks before my own wedding. I did not invite Lenny, and my cousin posted a nasty message online about it. When we are at family functions, I ignore him as much as I possibly can.

Although their marriage is not a good one, Cassidy is planning a formal wedding in a few months. I am torn. I don't support this, and besides, they are already married. If I don't attend, I'm afraid it will cause a big rift in my family.

Should I suck it up and put myself in a situation that makes me sick to my stomach? Or should I stay away with the possibility of upsetting those I care about? -- RELUCTANT RELATIVE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR RELUCTANT RELATIVE: Your cousin already knows how you feel about her husband because you tried to warn her. Unless you're as good an actress as Meryl Streep, your family cannot have missed the fact that you avoid him as often as possible. If the idea of attending the upcoming performance gives you an upset stomach, do everyone a favor and stay away. And if anyone gives you heat, be upfront about the fact you think she's making a mistake and would feel like a hypocrite if you went.

DEAR ABBY: My widowed father-in-law is 77 and my mom is 71. I try to spend time with them so they won't be lonely. The problem is they now have only one interest -- gambling. They are only happy if someone will take them to a casino. A simple dinner or movie is no longer wanted.

I don't mind going once in a while. The closest casino is 90 miles away. But it ends up being an all-day affair, with me gambling money I would prefer not to let go of that way. I have brought books and spent time reading in the car or in restaurants, but that's not quality time, either.

They think that because my husband is successful, I should have no problem with money. Abby, I am careful how I spend money. You can't be in a casino for four hours and not lose a lot of money. Now they're mad at me because I don't want to take them anymore. Mom even wanted to stretch out the trip to an overnighter. Help! -- BETTING I'M RIGHT IN OHIO

DEAR BETTING: You are a caring wife and daughter. But it appears your mother and father-in-law are less interested in spending time with you than in spending time in the casino. If they can afford it, that should be their privilege, but you are all adults -- and if your concept of a social get-together involves more than sitting in front of a slot machine or repeating, "Deal me in!" then you're right to refuse to be used as transportation. Many seniors visit casinos in groups, using buses to get there and back, and so can your relatives. Don't feel guilty about it.

DEAR ABBY: My darling wife passed away after 38 years of marriage. After she died, her sister and I began talking on the phone as a way to get me through a very difficult time. A year later, I finally asked her to dinner.

We have discovered we have feelings for each other. Do you think there is anything wrong with this, and are we wrong for spending time together? -- CONSOLED IN ALABAMA

DEAR CONSOLED: Not only is there nothing wrong with it, there is a lot right with it. After being in-laws for nearly four decades, you have a wealth of shared history. And that can be the basis of a strong relationship.

DEAR ABBY: On April 6, you printed my letter about having been sent a photocopy of a high school graduation announcement. No picture was included, nor a card -- just the photocopy folded into a cheap envelope. (The "real" ones had been sent to more "important" people!) You called me to discuss my letter, and your call made my day.

My mom happened to call me right after I got off the phone, and when I told her my letter was being printed in your column, she informed me that she had actually received a photocopy of a thank-you card that day, from the same person I was talking about in my letter. These people continue to floor me.

Anyway, I hope this is the last "photocopy" story you'll be getting about them. But who knows? There could still be photocopies of wedding invitations and birth announcements in the future. -- EVEN MORE FLABBERGASTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR EVEN MORE FLABBERGASTED: Indeed there could. Obviously the folks you described in your letter aren't Dear Abby readers. It's lucky you have a sense of humor. With friends like those you need one.

DEAR ABBY: My son and his girlfriend decided to go to an afternoon matinee. Two older women sat down behind them. When the movie started, one of them began a loud, running commentary to the other.

After a few minutes, my son and his girlfriend moved to seats four rows farther down, but they could still hear the woman explaining step-by-step what was happening on the screen. He turned around and made a shushing sound, and in a loud voice she responded, "My friend is blind and I'm explaining what's happening on the screen."

Other people changed seats, too. My son understood how a blind person might want to enjoy hearing a movie, but her companion should have told her this was a public place and she would have to wait until they go home to have it explained in full, or wait for the DVD to come out so they could talk at home while it was on.

Abby, wasn't it rude to destroy everyone else's enjoyment of the film? -- SUZANNE IN LAGUNA NIGUEL, CALIF.

DEAR SUZANNE: Yes. Your son should have taken the problem to the theater usher or manager. Many theaters are equipped with special descriptive audio for blind patrons. If that accommodation was not available, the blind person and her companion should have sat toward the front of the theater or in an area that was less crowded so they didn't distract other audience members. Also, movies with descriptive audio can be obtained at the local library.

DEAR ABBY: I have to choose between chorus and art for an elective for high school in the fall. I have been told I have an excellent voice, but I'm scared to death about auditioning for chorus. I have little artistic ability -- just enough to get me through life.

I don't know what to do. I want to be in chorus, but as I said, I am terrified of having to try out. Please give me some advice. -- ANGEL GIRL IN CHARLOTTE, N.C.

DEAR ANGEL GIRL: You have to decide whether to take advantage of the fact that you have "an excellent voice" or spend the rest of your life singing by yourself in the shower.

One way to overcome fear is to confront it in stages. In other words, start by singing for a few friends. If there's a choir at your church, ask if you can audition for it. When school starts, ask the choral director if you can audition privately if you're still afraid. If the answer is no, then your elective will have to be art. And by the way, you may be pleasantly surprised to discover that "talent" in art is the result of hard work, dedication and practice.

DEAR ABBY: I have been experiencing something similar to your "pennies from heaven" letters. My husband, a master carpenter for 40 years, passed away 10 months ago. We had several projects started --- a shop, a greenhouse and a room addition. We were also starting up a small sawmill business.

I have been trying to get things finished, and whenever I think I am not going to be able to make it, I find a nail where a nail shouldn't be. It was always a joke between us that he spread nails like Johnny Appleseed spread seed. I believe he is watching out for me and leaves them to let me know I will be OK. -- JO ANN FROM FORKS, WASH.

DEAR JO ANN: I think you've "nailed" it. And because they bring you comfort, collect them and -- perhaps -- find a creative way to display them.