DEAR ABBY: I'm 25 and have been married to "Bob" for five years. The problem is, I'm in love with his 53-year-old father. I have always been attracted to "Charlie," but my feelings have escalated since Bob's mother died last year.

After the funeral, Charlie was lonely and started coming to our house. Most of the time Bob was at work, so Charlie and I became very close. At one family get-together, Charlie kissed me passionately in the kitchen when no one was around.

I don't know what to do. I think I am seriously in love with Charlie, but my husband is a wonderful man and I would never want to hurt him. If I tell Bob the truth, not only will it destroy our marriage, but forever ruin Bob's relationship with his father.

Should I ignore my feelings for Charlie and pretend it never happened? Or should I tell Bob what happened, hoping he'll understand? -- IN LOVE WITH THE OLDER VERSION

DEAR IN LOVE: Charlie may have been lonely and grieving when he started coming over, but when you both recognized that you were becoming attracted to each other, a stop should have been put to it. That he would actually hit on you "when no one was looking" is disgraceful. (Was he sober?)

If you tell your husband, he will indeed "understand," and I don't recommend it. You need professional counseling, and Charlie needs to be told that poaching on the family preserve is not allowed, so he should spend his lonely hours looking for company that's available. What you have described isn't love; it's a scandal.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago I placed my second child for adoption. I was a single mom with a 3-year-old boy to raise and the father was in the military for an extended mission. I thought long and hard before I did it and decided that the gift I could give to another couple was better than the life I could offer a child as a single parent.

I am still in contact with the father. We speak often, comfort each other and just talk. Some people -- mainly men I have dated -- find this relationship disturbing. It has caused two relationships to end.

Abby, am I wrong to continue a friendship with the father of a child I gave up for adoption? I know that at some point the past needs to be the past, and I'll have to deal with it for the rest of my life. Is it wrong to want to have that other person there to connect with me and understand firsthand what a hard life decision I went through? -- GIVEN UP SO MUCH ALREADY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GIVEN UP SO MUCH: No, but if you are trying to cultivate and maintain a relationship with someone else, you need to recognize that clinging to the father of that child and talking to him "often" was somewhere between threatening and a turn-off for the men you were involved with. They should have been the ones providing understanding and comfort -- not him.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my boyfriend for three years. We have often talked about a future together, complete with a house, kids, etc. I am the breadwinner while he is working hard to achieve success as an artist. The role reversal suits us just fine except for one thing. I would like to become engaged, but I feel I can't expect him to propose when I know he has very little money. Abby, should I propose to him? -- BREADWINNER IN NEW YORK, N.Y.

DEAR BREADWINNER: I don't see why not. It happens every day!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on your May 29 reply to "Helping or Cheating?" the young lady who has been helping her boyfriend with his homework. I can see where someone might find this a problem.

I retired a few years ago after 35 years as an educator and still substitute teach three to five days a week. I feel I can speak for many teachers on this matter: For years, teachers have used a method called "peer tutoring" in and out of the classroom. From the information given, what that girl is doing sounds like textbook tutoring.

Personally, I feel it's far better to have help and see a word spelled correctly, a sentence constructed properly or a math problem worked correctly, than to have the mistake reinforced. In most cases, homework is just for practice, and "Rory" should have ample opportunity in class to show the teacher what he can do on his own. -- 35 YEARS AND COUNTING

DEAR COUNTING: Thank you for your input as an educator. I tried to reach the young woman who wrote that letter so I could ask if her boyfriend's test results had improved as a result of her efforts, but was unable to make contact.

Frankly, I was surprised at the amount of mail her letter generated from teachers, one of whom informed me that "most teachers don't check homework for accuracy, just that the homework was completed." Could this be part of what has gone wrong with our educational system -- that teachers have become so overwhelmed by the size of their classes that they can no longer give their students the individual attention they need? If so, how sad for all of us. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I used to teach at the university level. For 20 years I watched this happen. Never once was it the boyfriend "helping" the girlfriend. If we got two essays on the same topic, it was always the girlfriend who had written it, while the boyfriend who "studied with her" or "used it as a model" ended up handing in a distorted version of the same paper -- same quotes, same structure, reworded sentences. The boyfriends were slacking off; their girlfriends were doing the work.

I have talked about this with other professors; only one could cite a single exception to this rule. Thank you for telling that young woman to stop doing his homework and please, Abby, let your readers know the issue is systemic. -- EX-PROF. IN IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: There is a very fine line between good tutoring, poor tutoring and cheating. The best indicator is how the young man does on his exams. If he has significantly improved on his ability to do the problems in a test situation, then I lean toward the idea that good tutoring was done and suggest the students continue the process. If there has been no improvement, he should go to the teacher for extra help.

Math is an extremely difficult subject for many people. However, when a student gets F's on his tests and after coming to me gets A's and B's from then on, I suspect some learning has occurred. The teacher should review the tests the boyfriend takes and either tell the sister to go fly a kite or change methods -- depending on the scores. -- TUTOR IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: Summer is the season for celebration -- beach trips, picnics in the park and barbecues. But it can be a dangerous time for dogs.

Every year, thousands of dogs die after being left in overheated parked cars. Heatstroke can come on quickly and result in brain damage or death. Dogs are prone to heatstroke because they can cool themselves only by panting and sweating through their paw pads.

If you see a dog left in a car on a warm day, take down the car's color, model, make and license plate number. Have the owner paged inside nearby stores and call local humane authorities or the police.

If you see a dog exhibit any of the following symptoms: restlessness, excessive thirst, a rapid pulse, heavy panting, lethargy, lack of appetite, dark tongue, rapid heartbeat, fever, vomiting or lack of coordination -- get the animal into the shade immediately and call the veterinarian.

You can save a dog's life! -- LAURIE IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR LAURIE: Thank you for an important letter. I recently read that so far this year, 19 children have died after being left in automobiles! During the summer months, leaving any living creature in a car -- even with the windows cracked -- is an invitation to a heart-wrenching tragedy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 15 years. My parents did not attend my wedding because my mother's job was more important -- so my father never walked me down the aisle.

My brother is now being married for the first time. It will be his fiancee's third trip to the altar. Her father died years ago and they have asked my father to walk her down the aisle without even considering how I might feel about it.

When I explained to Dad how hurt I feel, he didn't understand. But he told me he would not walk her down the aisle if it caused me pain. Now my brother and his fiancee are upset with me.

Abby, can a groom's father give away the woman his son is about to marry? Am I being selfish in suggesting she walk down the aisle by herself just as I did? -- RESENTFUL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR RESENTFUL: The answer to both of your questions is yes.

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old daughter "Gwen" has friends whose parents allow them to watch movies I prefer my daughter not see -- specifically, scary movies. The parents of one of the girls have invited Gwen to a sleepover. I have been making excuses because I don't want Gwen having nightmares.

Would it be wrong or impolite to tell these parents that I don't want her watching scary movies? I don't want to appear to be dictating to them what they can or can't allow their children to see in their own home. How should this be handled? -- PROTECTIVE MOM, MUSTANG, OKLA.

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: Be upfront with the mother who will be hosting the sleepover. Tell her that you know Gwen would love to participate, but that you prefer that she not see scary films. If the mother can guarantee that none will be viewed that night, give your permission. Making your preference known is neither rude nor overbearing, so speak up.