DEAR ABBY: I'm 25 and have been married to "Bob" for five years. The problem is, I'm in love with his 53-year-old father. I have always been attracted to "Charlie," but my feelings have escalated since Bob's mother died last year.
After the funeral, Charlie was lonely and started coming to our house. Most of the time Bob was at work, so Charlie and I became very close. At one family get-together, Charlie kissed me passionately in the kitchen when no one was around.
I don't know what to do. I think I am seriously in love with Charlie, but my husband is a wonderful man and I would never want to hurt him. If I tell Bob the truth, not only will it destroy our marriage, but forever ruin Bob's relationship with his father.
Should I ignore my feelings for Charlie and pretend it never happened? Or should I tell Bob what happened, hoping he'll understand? -- IN LOVE WITH THE OLDER VERSION
DEAR IN LOVE: Charlie may have been lonely and grieving when he started coming over, but when you both recognized that you were becoming attracted to each other, a stop should have been put to it. That he would actually hit on you "when no one was looking" is disgraceful. (Was he sober?)
If you tell your husband, he will indeed "understand," and I don't recommend it. You need professional counseling, and Charlie needs to be told that poaching on the family preserve is not allowed, so he should spend his lonely hours looking for company that's available. What you have described isn't love; it's a scandal.